Reasons
by Jaina Durron
Summary: After fleeing Hoth, Han and Leia are separated from the Rebel fleet for an extended time. Leia gets a glimpse of how things could be as she starts finding reasons to pursue a different life.
1. Part 1

First, it was the hyperdrive. Rather than stars stretching into brilliants lines of light, the Millennium Falcon continued its sluggish crawl through space. From the navigator's seat just behind the pilot, Leia mocked Han, asking, "No lightspeed?" The only reply the captain could muster was an affronted, "It's not my fault!"

Shortly after that, with the junky, destitute of a freighter resting in the belly of a space slug, the Falcon's inner workings buzzed in agreement with the hyperdrive: maybe age and rustic parts were a match for this YT model. The negative power coupling, as C-3PO had hurried and made the top priority to inform the ship's captain, had reached its untimely end. Put bluntly, the part was beyond repair and required a replacement as soon as possible.

According to the Millennium Falcon's cocksure and brash captain, the hunk of junk should last at least until her crew reached Bespin in the Anoat sector.

Should.

In reality, it was shortly after diving out the mouth of the giant space slug when Leia had begun to notice worry lines creasing Han's expression as he stared out the cockpit into the endless night. While Chewbacca kept himself occupied on the opposite end of the ship, Leia curled up in the wookiee's oversized chair, stretching out her legs until her cold toes tickled Han's shin. "There's not a lot out there to be staring at," she noted aloud, allowing some of her concern to surface when Han didn't yield to her efforts.

"Yeah," he agreed, finally breaking his focus to look at her. "That's the problem."

"You aren't having second thoughts about Bespin now, are you?"

"Hardly. I still think Lando's our best bet to get the Falcon back into shape. Just wondering if we might have to make a stop before then."

"For repairs?"

Han woke up the nav computer, dragged a finger across the screen to highlight their trajectory. "There are systems nearby- between here and Bespin."

"Most aren't in our path, though."

"But we'd be able to reach some of them."

Leia didn't fancy the idea of planet-hopping on their way. Ultimately, they were headed for the fleet. Visiting Bespin was one stop; potentially leaving their mark on a few planets was not settling well in Leia's gut.


	2. Part 2

She was melting, lazily falling deeper into soft, cool sheets. Bare skin was comforted by smooth silk, wrapped so luxuriously in contrasting materials: sheets, and skin. Leia was half wrapped up in the bedclothes, half wrapped up in Han. She rested her head on his chest, strong muscles making for a firm pillow. In the afterglow of ecstasy, Leia could only smile as she recovered, slowing her panting to match with Han's sure heartbeat. She had one hand resting on his abdomen, and she moved it now, fingers tickling a path up his stomach muscles, chest, then trailing along his jaw.

Morning light was beginning to filter through the window, peeking between the twisted blinds. When she and Han has first arrived on Veridian, she'd had her doubts, but she had to admit that she'd been _immensely_ enjoying their time on the quiet planet. It carried enough resources for Han to slowly piece back together the Falcon organ by organ. Additionally, it's location and distance between Hoth and Bespin was hopefully just enough to throw the Imperials off their trail. They'd lasted a few months here already. Han has assured her just the day before that it wouldn't be long until they could hightail it to Bespin, get the rest of the _Falcon_'s repairs done in a jiffy, and hurry back home to the fleet.

But as the weeks had worn on, Leia wasn't sure anymore if she did want to make it to Bespinanytime soon.

Han's baritone voice chuckled, rumbling in her ear, "'M starting to think you don't mind me unshaved after all."

Leia laughed if only to agree. "I suppose. But I'm not tolerating this for long."

"Hm? You don't think I should grow this out?" Han stroked his chin, struggling to fight a smirk. "Maybe let it grow another centi … "

"Oh, stars, Han! No, please don't."

"But you like the stubble."

"Yeah, flyboy. I like the stubble. Nothing more."

"Mmhm," he groaned. "I've heard that before."

"Oh, hush!" Leia shoved him, but dissolved into silent laughter. "You keep running that mouth and I'll stop kissing it."

"Like you have the self-control …"

Leia wasn't about to concede that he was certainly correct, but she didn't have to anyway.

She smiled and moaned beneath her breath as she felt his rough hand trace its way up her bare side, running up her ribs. He turned his face into her loose hair, exhaled, and warmed her face with his breath.

"Alright, sweetheart."

The mattress shifted around her, and Leia batted away the sheets to watch Han rise, retrieving his shirt and pants from the floor. She bit the corner of her lip as she watched him, hoisting herself up on her elbows. "Leaving so soon?"

"Yeah, you'd keep me in bed all day if you could, wouldn't you?"

"Hey, it was your idea."

Han smirked, and he leaned over to kiss her once more before closing his pants. "I've gotta' figure something out if we wanna' get out of here sometime.

"What would you say if I told you I would rather stay in bed here all day with you rather than return to the fleet?"

"I'd say we're in trouble if I've corrupted you that much."

"I thought you would be proud."

Han didn't respond with further wit, but quickly redressed and hurried to wash up in the refresher. From her spot in the bed, Leia watched him, studied the outline of his body and the subtle ripples of the muscles in his arms as he went about his routine. Unsuccessfully stifling a yawn and hiding it behind one hand, Leia told him, "Just hurry back, please. I get so bored here, all alone."

"You trying to guilt me now?" Han turned to face her, pointing a razor in her direction. "You've got a pretty important job here. You get to hold down the fort and do all the research to tell me what to do."

"Still boring. You know I prefer the field when the intel is slow."

"You really do enjoy the sight of blood, don't you?"

Leia's eyes flickered mischievously.

"Don't you worry too much about me, Your Highnessness." Fully dressed and clean, Han sauntered back to her, and took her into his arms for a kiss. "I'll be back before you know it." He grabbed his jacket and favorite blaster before he went out the door. "Let me know if you find anything."

"And call _me _if you need backup."

Over the time of her disconnection from normal living, Leia had forgotten about so many of the first world problems that came with living in the higher echelons of the galaxy. She rolled her eyes as the news program she'd been watching went on another break to repeat the same few advertisements. The usual Imperial propaganda followed by a commercial for an arousing line of men's aftershave, and the hottest vacationing spot in the Core. Leia swallowed another yawn before the last commercial ended and returned to the scheduled program. She turned the volume up on the holoscreen in a half-hearted attempt to assure she'd stay awake while she turned over on the couch and closed her eyes.

Since shortly after Han had left on his scouting trip, Leia had been plagued with a bout of dizziness and nausea– the third time this week. The nauseous spell only grew stronger, and Leia almost fell over when she sprang from the couch to race for the refresher. Han had noticed a couple days before when Leia had spent nearly half the day with a pail in her arms, and she didn't doubt he'd assigned her the role of "holding the fort down" because of it, though she'd insisted she'd started feeling better.

Until it started up again the next day.

Leia didn't realize she'd been falling asleep until she woke up from her nap, the afternoon weather forecast playing on the screen in front of her. She groaned, stretching out her arms, and nearly turned back over when the same commercials started to replay.

'_When you are just starting your family, nothing is more important than the moment you find out.'_

Before she could spare the screen a glance, Leia recognized the commercial for First Sign's ever trustworthy brand of pregnancy tests. The company's selling point was their claim that their product could detect the tell-tale hormones within the same week of a missed period. The same commercial had played countless times since Leia had turned the holoscreen on, and the repetition of the the video- the tears and happy smiles from all the newly expectant parents- it bothered her even more than the ridiculous infomercial that kept playing twice in a row whenever it came on.

She sat up to change the channel, and her stomach lurched, the nausea returning right on cue.

Han had witnessed her first day of misery, comforting her throughout the day as she'd slept through most of it, a pail always at her side. Then, she'd dismissed it as food poisoning- she still didn't quite trust the frozen food packets Han kept stored on the _Falcon_. At least, Han hadn't argued the point. The second occurrence had made Leia wary as the nausea had started strong in the middle of the night, then slowly faded throughout the day. And now it was back. She'd suspected, considered the probability that it wasn't food poisoning but–

"Ha!" Leia laughed to herself just as the nausea began to fade. She'd been rigorous about taking her birth control during her time with the Rebellion; it was practically a ritual of hers when the time came around to renew it. As far as Leia was aware, the brand which Mon Mothma had been swearing by for 19 years hadn't yet failed– as far as Leia knew. And now wasn't the time to lose faith.

Besides, Mothma had found a contraceptive for the men, and Han would choose that over a hounding from the Rebel leader any day. The idea that both their contraceptives has failed them was preposterous, and enough to amuse Leia.

But, if only to put to rest her niggling fears, Leia decided a test certainly couldn't hurt.


	3. Part 3

She lost track of time, forgot when Han has said he would be back. It wasn't long– it couldn't have been, otherwise, she surely would have gone insane. It was as if she lost time; when Han returned, she couldn't recall what she'd spent her hours alone doing. She was sure she hadn't called him, so she'd remained here. Waiting. Doing– what exactly?

Leia supposed she hadn't really been doing anything at all. The morning's haze began to fade when the hotel room's door clicked and Han stepped in. When she saw him, found herself standing in the entryway, watching his every move, the last few hours suddenly rushed back to her, and it surprised her. She swallowed a sob she didn't mean to utter as she recalled that her morning had very much been a haze, such long hours of absolutely nothing– _excruciating_nothingness, unsure if she was anxious for Han to return or not. And vomiting. But– now– she supposed that was only to be expected.

Now, here was Han. Han was here, right in front of her, staring at her. Stars, was it obvious? It had to be obvious that something wasn't– right. He had to realize something was wrong. He could see through her, couldn't he? But what would he think? Would he even guess– be able to guess– how was it not his every thought in this moment as it was hers? What could he possibly be thinking about if he wasn't thinking–

The door shut softly behind him, and before he could even smile at her, say 'hello', take her in his arms and assure her he had missed her so, he saw her–

And his brows drew together, wrinkled in concern.

"What's wrong?" were the first words from his mouth.

And at just that much, Leia was afraid she wouldn't be able to hold herself together for a moment more.

Dropping his comm and vest where he stood, Han started forward and took hold of her shoulders. "Leia." When he used her name– her real first name– he was serious. "You look like you've seen a ghost."

Words. Wonderful words. Where could she start? Fierfek! Her mind screamed and screeched, coming up with a million things she could say, but her tongue was heavy and dry in her mouth. Her heart was racing– she could feel it, her pulse pounding in her wrists, rib cage, stomach. She could almost feel herself getting sick again …

"Leia?"

His hazel eyes were so soft. It took a certain amount of will from Leia not to drown in them, bask in their comfort.

"Hey, c'mon, sweetheart. You're scaring me–"

"This is your fault!"

"Wha–?"

That– was not– Truthfully, Leia had had no idea of what she would say, how she would broach the topic. But she supposed she shouldn't have been surprised her first words were no more eloquent than her current thoughts.

"I– we need to talk."

Okay, that was good. Not too bad. Leia took a shuddering breath in mild relief. As for Han, he didn't appear any bit relieved.

For a moment, she blocked out her surroundings, ignored her frantic pulse. Her recollection of this morning was still returning to her, and she tried to recall her first thoughts. What has she first thought? Had she had any intelligible thoughts that she could share with Han? Some gentle first words to tell him?

"Hey, why don't I wash up while you take a minute to relax. Sit down, get some caf, then we can talk about– whatever this is."

Sit down. Caf. That all sounded nice. Except– she thought she'd heard once that it was ill-advised for a woman to have caf while–

"I won't be long," Han called from the refresher.

It was coming back to her. She could remember sitting on the sani, clutching the little stick in both hands before stumbling before the sink and dropping the–

"Han! Wait!" Leia regained some strength as she hurried to catch up to him, distract him before he could see–

He was already done, dragging a hand towel down his face, then shaking his head over the sink, opening his eyes–

Of course, it wasn't one of those tests that required a key. No one line or two to signify whatnot. No, in her nonchalant drugstore spree, Leia had plucked off the shelf– without any intention – the most straightforward pack of tests she could have found. Rather than having a moment to piece it together and recall what each pattern of lines on the little screen meant, the answer had been spelled out for her letter for letter as soon as she'd looked.

As soon as Han saw.

_Pregnant._


	4. Part 4

The shock, the total lack of– of having any clue what to say, what to think, how to respond– was mutual. For a moment, Leia and Han held each other's gazes, both reflecting equal terror.

"You're –?" Han managed, and it was the first sound from either of them. And it came sooner than Leia had predicted, but she supposed it was only like Han to prefer anything over silence in such an uncomfortable moment. He shook his head as if to clear it. "Leia …"

"I didn't think it would actually come back positive." Words. All of a sudden, they were rushing out of her. "I– I don't know what I was expecting, but I was thinking, and I know you've been worried about my nausea, and I didn't think there was any harm in taking a test, but …" She cut herself off, suddenly out of breath, nearly panting. She forced herself to keep Han's gaze, stare back into those hazel eyes. "I guess I'm pregnant."

Leia didn't think Han had even blinked since she'd started talking, and it only stressed her more. That was the first time she'd said the word aloud, and he wouldn't respond. She could feel herself crumbling, shattering into millions of tiny, irretrievable pieces. She could feel the crack, sense it spreading. Her face fell into her hands because she couldn't watch him anymore. It was all she could do to hold back the tears threatening to spill over. She rubbed at her eyes, dragged her hands down her face, tangled her hands in her hair. Anything to feel something else besides this terror, this helplessness. Something to make her feel in control again.

"Leia." He only ever used her name when he was serious.

She said it again. "I'm pregnant."

"You're pregnant."

She nodded.

And then he was there, his body encompassing hers, holding her close. In his touch, Leia struggled to sense any concrete hint of either joy or dread, but simply comfort. She was still Leia, still the woman he loved, still the human he treated her as. Even after the last two minutes and the surprise she'd had in store for him, his first concern was her.

"Are you okay?" He asked her.

"What? I'm fine."

"I mean … about this. How do you feel about … this?"

"Oh. I don't know, Han. I don't know what to feel. I don't–"

"No, I didn't ask you that. Not what you want to feel. What do you feel right now?"

Leia blinked. "I'm … You want to know the truth, Han? I'm confused, and I can't think straight. That's all I know."

The moment lapsed back to silence.

And then Leia cracked. A fracture that threatened to run deep if not addressed. All the walls she'd built so thick and so tall, all the carefully masked veneers she'd weaved… they'd crumbled before. Once. For Han. When she'd no longer been able to kid herself and finally surrendered to her feelings for him. And now …

She'd cried in his arms that night, when she told Han that she loved him, that he'd resurrected her, reminded her of her purpose and desires. She'd cried, frightened by the sensation of those walls tumbling down, no longer having those secure shields. Han had held her close, smoothed back her hair, wiped away her tears. Pieces her back together.

She broke again– now, and she prayed he'd know how to put all her broken pieces back together this time too.

The tears broke free. Leia had managed to hold them back until now, and they came like rain. Her voice trembled and cracked as she said to him, "I'm scared, Han."

He didn't tell her not to be. He didn't hush her cries or shake his head, but he held her safe in his arms, wiped away her tears.

"I'm scared." Quiet and brittle was her voice, spoken in the softest tone, the lightest note. But all else around them faded to nothing. Emptiness. Silence. It was their own world made up of just the two of them.

And this– this _life_ which had come into being, into their world without permission or intent. But neither of the two lovers could harbor any resentment towards the helpless new life. It wasn't its fault.

It. 'It' was a child, an anonymous name given to a life with unlimited potential. 'It' was one of life's greatest treasures– an inspiring creation made of something so true and real and deep. 'It' was made of love, of endurance, the mark of triumph and overcoming trials and hardships.

Everything about the situation terrified Han, but he came to realize that it was unique. Reflecting on the various one-night stands and affairs Han had had throughout his lonesome years, he'd never bed a woman he'd genuinely loved and felt devoted to. He'd feared commitment, settling down, giving parts of himself to something greater. The idea of casting aside his brash and careless persona in the throes of falling unendingly in love with a woman who was– _so much more_ than Han could have prayed to the stars for, of becoming so enraptured and in awe of her, of becoming someone else because of her … the barest concept had shaken Han to his core. But loving Leia, being with her required Han to abandon those old fears and bury them in his dusty past. He'd feared all those things for so long, but he'd done it for Leia. It was worth it. 'It' was a million other things Han was terrified of, but in the end, 'It' was love.

"I am too," he promised her, holding her face delicately between two hands, brushing his thumbs along her rosy cheeks.

"You're smiling."

"Am I?"

Just like that, Leia relaxed in his arms. Han saw the tension leave her body, some light return to her glistening eyes. "Han, I won't be upset if you're happy."

"I don't know if I'm happy-"

"Liar," she even smiled, and her gaze softened. "But that's okay. I might be happy too."

He relaxed. For the first time in minutes, he could feel the weight of the floor beneath him, and he was relieved.

Her tiny hands were warm in his, and Han almost chuckled aloud at the thought of hands even smaller. Just like she did when they laid together, Leia burrowed herself into him, her body melting against his. Han settled his chin atop her head, inhaled her sweet scent. He pulled her closer. "I'm terrified," she whispered into the suspended silence. "I can't imagine having a baby now. We're at war, Han. The galaxy is shredding itself apart. We have marks on both our heads! Vader and the Emperor will never stop searching for us. … But it's been such a long time since I've seen anything so innocent. Han, can you imagine this? _A baby_. Maybe a boy, or a girl with our dark hair, my nose-" She stopped mid sentence with another mischievous grin, then added, "your crooked mouth."

"That sounds like a really cute baby."

Mellifluous laughter bubbled from deep within her, a gorgeous tone that was enough to spike Han's desire.

"I'm so scared, Han. But, maybe, do you think we could talk about this? Maybe, we can hope."


	5. Part 5

Perhaps, it was his mind trying to find something else to dwell on, but the oddest, smallest things were bothering Han. As he returned from the refresher, pulling on a fresh shirt and watching Leia prepare them tea, he tried to remember her age. Even throughout his first year with the Rebellion, he always forgot how young she'd been. When he'd first learned from General Carlist Rieekan that the princess had been only nineteen at the time, he hadn't believed it. Such strength, such ferocity, such wisdom and power for a young thing. Though some systems had a higher adult age, Han had never thought of her as a girl. From her, he'd learned that age wasn't what differentiated a girl from a woman or a lady; such measures were rendered inaccurate for Leia.

Twenty-two. Leia was a mere twenty-two years old, which Han didn't suppose was so young– especially when he often forgot she was that young. At twenty-two, Leia Organa was a veteran of war, a seasoned commander and leader of a rebellion against the galaxy's most influential government. And she'd experienced more tragedy and trauma than most of the Alliance's elders who had lived through the Clone Wars.

She deserved something happy, something good, and Han had been trying his kriffing hardest to give her reasons to smile longer than he'd loved her.

_How 'bout this, Princess? I definitely didn't try, but looks like we've got something else to smile about. It you want to smile about it …_

As if it punctualize her announcement, Leia had been making tea for the two of them so they could sit together and talk when the nausea hit. Now, Han was sitting on the floor of the refresher, rubbing Leia's back as she emptied her stomach in the sani. He traced long strokes up and down her back, every now and then planting soft kisses on her head. When it finally passed, she lied back in his arms, closed her eyes. He gave her a moment, waited for her to sit up on her own and let him know she was feeling better. Perhaps, it hadn't even been a moment yet when Han ran out of patience, and he stroked her thigh, asking, "Are you okay?"

Han didn't know how to feel when Leia finally pushed up on her own weight, face pale but a gentle smile floating across her lips. "You want to know how I feel about this?"

He could only nod.

"I've been thinking about these last few months. Just the two of us, far from the rebellion, from war. I haven't felt this good in so long. I haven't felt so– content, or even as close to happy as I have since we left Hoth. Even that first month on the _Falcon_. Stars, Han! Things have been so simple and normal. I didn't think that was possible. At least, not for me. But you make me feel normal, and this little retreat from the not normal … I can't tell if I'm thinking clearly, but I'm thinking– I'm wondering if, maybe, we should try out this normal life for a bit longer."

When his gaze flashed down to Leia, a shot of alarm shooting up his spine, there were her calm, sure eyes staring back up at him.

"What are you saying, Leia?"

Calm, yet confused and afraid and anxious. To most, Leia was always a perfect picture of calm, but Han had always had a knack for seeing the storms brewing deep within her.

_This isn't just on you, I know,_ Han tried to convey to Leia as he wrapped her up in his arms, stroked her hair. _I'm here, too, Princess. It took both of us to get into this mess._

_Beautiful mess._

He couldn't help the thought.

Instead, however, he told her, "You look exhausted, sweetheart. I think you need to sleep first."

Leia was startled, and Han could see it in her eyes alone. She quickly sat up, gathering her wits about her and putting space between the two of them. "Sleep? Han, I just told you that I'm pregnant and I'm trying to have a conversation about this-"

"Which I agree we should have! But don't you think both of us are pretty emotional right now, and maybe it'd be better if we slept on it first."

Her eyes grew wider than sensor dishes, and she choked out a humorless laugh. "You know, you're starting to sound like me. I wasn't expecting you to approach this with a level mind and insist we do our homework first."

"You sayin' I don't normally- what? Think clearly?"

"Han," her eyes softened. "I didn't mean it like that. I just- I meant to say that- you know the way you are! You don't like to take all the time in the world to think things through. You don't like to sit and weigh all your options like I do. I just … I thought you'd be easier to read than this. I didn't think I would have to fish you for a response. I figured you'd tell me exactly how you feel."

"Maybe, I don't know how I feel."

"That's a lie, Han. I can read that much from you."

"Well, I guess I just don't know how to say what I'm thinkin'."

"Han, just tell me. You're not going to offend me or hurt me either way. If you don't want a baby, just tell me so that we can get that out there and deal with it."

"See, that's the thing, Leia. What if I do want it?"

Leia shifted how she sat, but otherwise showed no change in expression.

"Now, I'm not saying I've been thinking about this. Kriff! The thought of having a baby right now never crossed my mind. Not now. Not when … when we just got– _here_. To a place where we're comfortable with each other and we can finally say that we love each other. … But I already know I love you enough to go on this crazy adventure with you. You say you like this? You like this break, this small piece of normal we've found. What the heck, Princess? I've always wanted a family."

Family. As soon as the word slipped off his tongue, something about it felt just right. Still, Han was consumed with fear, but also elation; he feared what Leia had to say, but when his focus returned solely to her as he tried to read her for a hint, something in her eyes seemed to agree.


	6. Part 6

She stood before the mirror, staring at her reflection as if she no longer recognized whatever she saw there. Perhaps, she didn't. For the first time, as she surveyed the reflected image of her own body, she felt _young_. Young, in the sense that— for the first time in so long— Leia Organa had no idea what she was doing. Maybe, the word '_small'_ was more accurate for the sort of lost sensation that she suddenly felt. She felt so very small, lost in a torrent of foreign emotions and fears.

Diplomacy and combat— those were her strengths. She'd been raised and trained by Bail and Breha Organa to be a sharp-witted politician and leader. She'd grown up in the Senate, mentored by her father on the finer skills of politics. Under his wing, she'd been bred to step up in the Senate, in the Rebellion, to lead the galaxy in revolt. She was an ace shot with a blaster, could certainly survive in hand-to-hand combat, and could even prove herself as a half-decent fighter pilot. She was a veteran among the Empire's eldest senators; she could very well hold her own in a battle of the wills against any other close-minded politician— heck, Han often swore she could talk a hutt into a diet. She had the brains, strength, and more than enough will to take on the Empire with her bare hands, but nothing had prepared Leia Organa for impending motherhood.

Growing up the adopted daughter of Alderaan's ruling monarchs, she had never had a younger sibling aside from her fellow adopted sister Winter who had been so close to her in age that Leia didn't think that counted. She'd never babysat for anyone, never changed a diaper, didn't know if a baby's milk had to be cold or warm. She knew virtually nothing about caring for a child of any age! Yet, here she was, by some joke of fate, perhaps, pregnant at undoubtedly the worst possible time.

_How are you supposed to teach a child to talk? How can such an imperative life skill be trusted to someone as clueless as me to teach another human being?_

Of course, Leia had taken various health classes throughout her years of education, so she knew the gist of what was expected of mothers as well as what raising a child required. It took dedication, time, money, the simplest life skills— none of which Leia had! She was an officer in a Rebellion, constantly on the run, constantly putting herself directly into the line of fire. Her name was near the top of the Empire's most wanted list. Technically, she was a criminal, for all her moral standards. The Empire was the legitimate governemnt— in one sense— and she was— well, a Rebel. Since the destruction of her homeworld, Leia had spent her life on the run, pulling all-nighters far more frequently than healthy, and she held a role where millions of other lives depended on her.

_What's one more? _Leia thought sardonically.

No, this wasn't the same thing. This wasn't the same thing at all. This was a life that was relying on just her.

If dizzy were an emotion, that was what Leia felt as she abruptly flicked off the refresher's light and dragged herself to bed. There was a certain comfort in the warm embrace of the sheets that Leia longed for, and she wrapped herself in the covers, trying to will away the fear that was tearing at her from the inside out. Fear. That was what she felt. Crippling, agonizing fear for the future, for her and Han's relationship, their survival, the life of their new unborn child. She was falling, slipping, grasping at silk, trying to grab ahold and regain control. If she could just find a foothold, hoist herself back up from the edge.

Leia felt his warm touch first on her shoulder as he crawled into bed beside her. Han's knuckles ran a gentle path across her curves and over the slope of her hip; her face tingled with warmth as he leaned over her and laid a kiss just below her ear. "You alright? You seem tense."

"What are we supposed to do?"

Han was quiet for a moment, and her words just floated in empty space, but Leia could imagine him blinking, running his gaze across her small form as he pondered her question. "Well, I think that's up to us."

Slowly, as if anxious to avoid another miserable bout of nausea, Leia moved from lying on her side to her back so she could see Han. The moment her gaze found him, Han was cupping her face in one hand. She leaned into it. "How are we supposed to do this? Han, how in the world are we supposed to keep a baby safe? How am I—" she stopped herself, grimacing. Then, she whispered beneath her breath, almost too soft to hear, "The Rebellion." She spoke the word with understanding, admittance. Defeat. She pressed Han's hand firmer against her cheek, and his thumb brushed softly against the pale skin there.

"Hey," Han tried to soothe, but Leia shook her head. "I know," she allowed. "I know what I would have to do. But that almost terrifies me more than just the fact that I am … pregnant."

"Hey, I'm right here with you, Princess. Talk to me. We can talk about this."

She moaned, "Han. I know it. I know it already." She closed her eyes and shook her head again. "We can't have a baby. We can't raise a child with the way our lives are right now. Something has to give. I— have to choose. I can't stay with the Rebellion— not with a baby."

"_We,_" Han insisted. "I'm right here with you."

"But just leaving the fleet isn't enough. What are we supposed to do? Where could we possibly go to stay hidden?"

Leia was afraid, desperate, and she could hear it in her own voice, but the fears were too overwhelming to make her care about maintaining a veneer. Besides, she knew it would take Han less than a second to see through it.

"We don't have a home," she continued, "nowhere safe to hide away. All we have are the clothes on our backs. We don't have the means of supporting a child. I don't even know the first thing about raising one!"

"Hey, I don't either."

"That doesn't exactly reassure me."

Gently, he hushed her, stroking her cheek and meeting her forehead with his. "Do you really think anyone ever knows what they're doing, though? Sweetheart, we wouldn't be the first people without siblings to learn how to take care of a kid." Leia hadn't realized he'd found one of her hands until he squeezed it. "You gotta' have faith in us. If we wanna' make this work …"

"Okay," she breathed. "So, we leave the Rebel Alliance. Where do we go? Do we stay here? How do we get credits, an actual home? What if something— what if something goes wrong. With the pregnancy? And I need—"

"Hey, sh-sh-sh." Han chuckled quietly. "Slow down, Princess. One fear at a time. Now, would you believe me if I told ya' I've been thinking about it?"

"You have?"

He nodded. "And I think I know what we can do."

"Tell me."

"I think I know where we can live." Han sat up in bed and turned on a low light. He grabbed his datapad from the bedside table and turned it on. "Reecee."

"Reecee?"

"It's on the outskirts of the Inner Rim."

"I know where it is, but why there?"

Now grinning, Han repeated, "It's on the outskirts of the Inner Rim. And you know what kind of people you find on the outskirts of territories?"

Leia knew what answer he was waiting for: the scum kind, pirates, smugglers, thieves, fugitives of the law. Instead, she said, "Your kind?"

He feigned a look of offense. "Reecee is known to be a sort of refuge in the criminal circles."

"So, I was right. Your people."

Han rolled his eyes. "The thing is, since it's still in the wide berth of over fifty percent of the Empire's population– well, their population is generously mixed. But any good smuggler knows a secret spot on the planet."

"Secret spot, huh?"

"Yeah, you wouldn't believe me if I told you."

"Try me."

"It's not a rest stop," he explained, "but an actual– home. There's a community on Reecee, a sort of neighborhood. Lotta' smugglers stay there, have a home, have a pretty nice life there."

"And you've been to this– commune?"

"I got some friends there. Good people that are in it for more than the money."

Leia's eyes twinkled with amusement. "Sounds like my kind of people too."

Han smiles back, leaned forward and kissed her forehead. "We could make a home there." And, suddenly, he was touching her abdomen, large hands easily reaching across her stomach. "Have our kid there."

Leia couldn't help but smile, though she still held her doubts. But she'd suddenly gotten the image of a warm, safe home where the war didn't matter because she was happy and safe with Han and their child.

"A lot of the smugglers out there– they don't care too much for the Empire either. Last time I was there, quite a few of 'em were Rebel sympathizers."

"So, you think that we could get the resources we need without raising red flags?"

"We'll find a way," he said, and it was a promise. Leia had no doubt he would find some way— though, she didn't know how— and he wouldn't let anything happen to her or their child. It was a promise, and Leia believed in it.


	7. Part 7

Meeting with yet another contact seemed like exactly the kind of situation they were supposed to be avoiding. However, Leia still found herself seated with Han in the far corner booth at the Rough Risers' Cantina, aimlessly stirring her straw in a particularly potent beverage. Every few breaths, she resorted to covering her mouth before the cool smell of the ale could send her stomach lurching.

"You alright?" Han leaned in towards her, eyes quickly surveying her. Leia flicked her gaze across the cantina, scanning for any onlookers. "I'm fine," she promised. "Now, would you please focus?"

"Hey, hey," he smiled gently, taking her elbow and pulling her arm out from beneath the table where she anxiously kept a hand on her blaster. "This isn't that kind of place."

"You've lost me already."

"Keep watch all you want. The usual suspects are on our side here."

"Han, this place is filled with pirates and bounty hunters."

"Yeah, and none of them are on the Rebellion's most wanted list. Trust me, sweetheart; Reecee isn't a particular fan of the Empire. We don't have enemies here; this isn't like Tatooine."

"You don't think anyone in this room could be a spy or an Imperial sympathizer?"

Han shrugged nonchalantly, settling back into the booth. Leia caught a glimpse of him reaching to finger his own blaster as he responded, "Probably not."

Leia wasn't sure if Han's words were any true assurance, so she returned to her full drink, always keeping one hand on her blaster.

The folk band playing onstage took an intermission and returned before Leia thought she saw their contact. A heavy man who leaned a little too much on his cane entered the cantina, gaze sweeping the place once, twice, three times before he nodded and started forward. But he turned right where he should have gone left and crossed to the opposite side of the cantina.

Entering right behind him, however, was a feminine figure, and she did her own survey once before locking eyes with Han and Leia. Before Leia could take in any other details to the woman, she beamed and started straight for their table. The young woman stood at the average height for a human, with black hair tied up in a messy pony. She wore a fitting jacket that was even darker than her hair with a pillow of wampa fur along the collar. She strode forward with perfect confidence, and her pony and long bangs swung with each step. An excitable glimmer lit up her eyes as she kept her gaze focused forward, and Leia couldn't help but share in some of Han's optimism.

"Well, look who the sarlaac dragged out of the pit!" Rather than first settling into the booth and reaching out a hand, the woman— presumably a smuggler— stopped beside the table and waited with outstretched arms for Han to rise and meet her.

Without a hint of hesitation, Han stood up from the booth and accepted her embrace. Leia stifled a frown. _Not an ex-girlfriend, then._

"Han!" the woman exclaimed, "It's been a while since we've crossed paths. I was starting to wonder where I'd find you next."

"Surprised?"

"Not yet," she answered cautiously. "That could change once you tell me where you went after blowing up poor Greedo's head on Tatooine."

"So, you heard."

"Everyone heard. We wanted to know what Jabba had to say about that."

"Quite a bit," Leia chose that moment to break in, standing to shake the woman's hand. "Unfortunately, none of it was good."

"Sounds about right," she concluded with a nod. "Princess Leia Organa, correct?"

Leia nodded shortly.

The woman tossed Ham a smirk. "Quite the company you're keeping these days, Solo." She turned a sincere smile Leia's way. "It's an honor to meet you. I'm Mirax."

"Mirax's father is an old smuggler I've known for a few years. He's the one who first showed me this place."

"If you're familiar with any Corellian children's tales, my father is something akin to the character Blank Blank. You know, smuggling from the rich and giving to the poor. Or, more commonly, rebels."

"Who is your father?"

"Booster Terrik."

"I'm certain I've heard the name, but I don't believe he's had any association with the Rebel Alliance."

"Ooh, he doesn't play with the big guys. My mother passed away when I was very young, and my father didn't want to take on bigger, riskier jobs when I had virtually no family to stay with when he was gone on trips. He mostly aided resistance cells located in the Core, and he likes it, so that's where he stayed."  
"He's happy with his work. That must be so nice."

Mirax tossed her hair. "Well, he does get to work with his only daughter now." She turned her attention back to Han. "So, what happened that you're keeping company with Rebels now?" Nodding to Leia, she added, "Quite the crowd you're drawing, now."

"That's a long story. I actually came here to call in a favor. Booster still owes me one for the last shipment I ran for him."

"You know my father; he always stays good on his word."

"I'm counting on it."

"What do you need?"

"I'm, uh— I'm actually thinking about settling down in Casita."

"Settling down? You? Han Solo? The same Han Solo who ran the Kessel Run in less than twelve parsecs?"

Leia leaned in. "Please, he really doesn't need the reminder."

Mirax shared a smirk with her. "So, what poison did you swallow that you decided to_ settle down?"_

"That's, ah— it's complicated."

So, he did have his limits. Even here.

"All you had to say was that you don't want to talk about it."

"Just not here."

"Got'cha."

To turn the conversation, Leia asked Mirax, "Do you and your father permanently live here, then?"

"We stay here often, and this is our home away from home. But _true home_ is Corellia."

"Through and through," Han grinned. "Like any true Corellian."

Leia ventured, "But here …"

The Corellian woman sighed, gaze falling to where her hands fiddled above the tabletop. "Here … can be a home. When home can't. The people that live in Casita, they're all family. Nowhere else have I seen the same sense of community. Casita is the kind of place all newlyweds would say would 'be a nice place to raise a family'." She smiled wistfully. "You know?"


	8. Part 8

Casita more closely resembled a village where it lay beyond the borders of Reecee's semi-modern society. Rough yet sturdy little huts for homes dotted the bright green plain beside the river, mudded planks covered in thatch standing firm beneath tarp-covered roofs. Scattered stone pathways marked the doorsteps to each home, some splattered with paint in one bright color or another. Across the great clearing were longer structures built in stones and mud. Between the homes hung clothing lines, lovely fabrics draped carefully across each one.

Along the river bank played children who screeched their joy, and women who were trading washboards to rinse clothes as they laughed over their children and spoke excitedly to each other. They wore the most enduring beams, such pure happiness and contentment written on their worn faces.

The whole scene reminded Leia of her old home, of the villages of aboriginal people who'd lived near the mountains on Alderaan. Bail Organa had brought her several times to visit them and their home. Those were Alderaan's roots, he would always tell her, and they mustn't forget where they came from. These people— the people of Reece— reminded Leia of them, of the carefree, joyful tribes of the Aldera mountains who always smiled and always sang.

As Leia was only used to, heads began to turn and gaze upon Han and herself as Mirax guided them forward. Rather than pointed looks or suspicious gazes, however, the people of the village only smiled as they passed and offered subtle waves of welcome. Nothing of her years of diplomatic training her prepared her for a warm and inviting welcome where she'd never even been extended an invitation. But they all paid their greetings in some form, many offering a small but polite nod to Leia, a greeting appropriate to offer a noble. Yet, even more acknowledged Han, running up to clap him on the back, call his name, even whistle and cheer as he followed in Mirax's path alongside Leia.

"So, you have been here before," Leia whispered with a smirk.

"I wasn't lying about that."

"What were you doing here? Teaching them to gamble?"

"Oh, trust me, sweetheart. I didn't need to teach them."

Mirax stopped at the edge of the bank where a group of women had been sitting on the sand as they'd gone about their chores. One among them stood, a diminutive woman who stood as tall and fierce as a wookiee warrior. Her bronzed, sun-kissed face was framed by wavy, black tendrils of hair, complimented by a gentle smile and big dark eyes that seemed to be the only invitation Han and Leia needed.

"You wouldn't believe who I picked up in town at Rough Risers'."

"You are right," the woman beamed as her smile seemed to grow by the second. "I don't. So, tell me who you have brought to me."

Instead, Mirax stepped aside as Han came forward. He nodded once, similar to the nod of a bow some of the villagers had just offered Leia. "Rewa," he said, "it's been a while."

Now, the woman's smile transformed suddenly into a wide, amused grin. She reached for Han and swept him into a fierce hug. "Han Solo! About time you pay a visit!" The woman— Rewa— patted Han's cheek in an affectionate, almost motherly manner. "Things are too quiet without you and your wookiee friend. We have missed a little mischief."

"I missed you too, Rewa."

"So? How are you?" Her grin split to show crooked teeth. "How is Jabba?"

Leia swore she knew Han like her own hand now, and she saw his body tense as he put some space between himself and Rewa. "Actually, that's part of why I came here."

Now, it was her turn to lose the mood to joke, and her expression turned grave. "Han," she spoke quietly, "you know this isn't a place to bring your troubles—"

"I know. And you should know I wouldn't do that to these people." He sighed. "Jabba doesn't have any trails on me at the moment. I kinda' quit smuggling a few years ago."

Speechless, Rewa gaped.

"I've been with the Rebel Alliance."

"We don't want their trouble either."

"I know." He paused, stopping for a moment to turn back to Leia. She'd remained dressed in her jumpsuit and dark boots, and her hair was tied in a typical military do which she was regretting now. With years of practice on hair, she knew where each pin was set, keeping her single bun in place; Leia reached to take them out, easily transforming her military crown into a single, long braid which fell down her back. She walked up to join him, slipped her hand into his, and looked up to meet his hazel brandy eyes, feeding him all the confidence she could in a single look. He squeezed her hand.

"Rewa, I need your help. _We_ do. This is Leia. We've left the Rebellion. We need a home."


	9. Part 10

Rewa's home was filled with a tangible warmth that did indeed work to put Leia more at ease. She watched her step, eyes wide with wonder, as she followed behind Han along a path of vibrant woven rugs. Clay jars and candles lined the snaking walkways. Leia's attention was torn from the scattered pieces of art, however, as children flooded the small home, running in and out as they offered Han and Leia curious looks. With underlying motherly affection, Rewa scowled and hollered across the hut, "Annah'so! Take the children out! Guests are not to gawk at!"

"Yes, ma'am." An older-looking girl with Rewa's complexion came down the hall and shooed the children away, sweeping them along with her on her way out.

"I have five of my own," Rewa explained. "Three of them were my brother's, but they are mine now."

She guided them to a room which was the only one to be shielded with a curtain hanging over the doorway. Rewa swept the fabric aside and led Han and Leia in. The room was sparsely furnished aside from a great bed which occupied the middle of the room. Beside the bed sat a low kitchen stool and a rack of old, worn towels.

"We have no doctors or proper medical equipment. It's a risk to go to the medcenter on Reecee; you never know who is working, and who they respect."

"So, you started your own clinic?"

"I am the midwife," Rewa corrected. "I can't say I know much about medicine at all, but I've learned what I had to to help my community."

With a glimmer of empathy in her eyes, Leia cocked her head and asked, "Out of curiosity, may I ask how many children you've helped deliver?"

Rewa grunted, stepping around the bed, and Leia struggled to decide if it had been a laugh or not. "Too many to count," she answered with a content smile on her face. She took a seat on a bench which sat at the foot of the bed, laid a hand on the thin, light covers. "But many lives have started in this room. And I feel blessed to have been a part of that." Rewa's gaze returned to Leia. "Of course, it is your choice if you trust our resources or not."

Leia didn't say it out loud, but the thought flickered across her mind that she and Han were too short on options to be picky. She didn't want to think of it as _settling_ for this when it was a matter of the life of her and Han's child, but have full confidence in what Casita's community had to offer, full confidence in Rewa's capabilities and that she was well equipped to coach Leia through the labor and tend to her recovery following the birth.

In a bizarre moment, Leia realized exactly what she and Han were planning for, and it brought a sense of reality Leia hadn't been prepared for. Unwittingly, she raised a hand to brush her abdomen. There was no swell there, no flutters, no kicking and pounding from the inside. Yet. That little word, that idea was what had kept Leia from fully realizing what was happening. The morning sickness, the little twinges of aches and pains, that was all temporary; she could deal with them as they came. But this— they were making plans. She and Han were making plans for something that needed to be prepared for. Not something Leia could deal with now and brush away.

"I'm pregnant."

The two words fell out of Leia's mouth with enough sound of surprise to make Han turn and look at her. "Hey, Leia?"

She blinked in embarrassment and glanced away.

"You need to sit down?"

"I'm fine. I think I'm just tired."

When Rewa spoke up and Leia caught her glance, something in her eyes seemed to understand. She smiled reassuringly. "Why don't I leave for a moment? Then, you two can take a look around and decide what you think."

As Rewa dismissed herself, pulling the curtain over the doorway, Han sat on the edge of the bed. "You're thinking too much."

Leia raised a brow. "I haven't yet told you what I am thinking."

"You're always thinking too much," he retorted.

Without another word, Leia plopped on the bed beside him. "Tell me what you think for a change."

"It's a lot. I know it is. So, talk to me. What are you thinking?"

"Han, we've already had this conversation before. We can talk about this and plan for it until we turn blue, but— I don't feel any better about this. In fact, Han, I feel even worse. Not about the plans, necessarily. I think that is what's scaring me. We have all this to plan now, all these little reminders about how our lives are going to be turned upside down— but it's like I keep forgetting what's happening. I keep forgetting, and then I remember again, and there's this shock that I have to get over every single time. Over and over again. Like I can't just come to terms with it."

Han's hands slipped around her waist, and he pulled her into his arms, fingers playing with the hem of her shirt. "Shocked me too, Princess. But it makes me pretty happy; 've always wanted a family."

Leia threw her head back to rest against Han's shoulder. "Just an hour before we left Hoth, you were ready to leave."

Han didn't respond.

"You had two feet out the door, and you were ready to run again. Leave me. Never come back."

"I didn't want to hurt you."

"But you loved me then."

"Leia, I've loved you for a long time."

"But you were going to leave. But then you came back. And now, we're stumbling through space, and you've managed to knock me up."

Han froze. "Really? That's how you want to phrase that?"

Despite herself, Leia chuckled. "You've left your mark on me, Han Solo."

"'S no souvenir," he promised, "I'm not leaving."

She nodded lazily against his chest. "I'm holding you to it." Leia let her eyes drift close, let herself take the moment to recollect each individual thought racing across her mind and lay it all to rest. "Han. I want you. I don't know about _this_ yet, or if I even want it, but I know how I feel about you. That much is solid and definite. I want you to be a permanent part of my life. No matter what happens."  
He smiled down at her. "Been waiting a long time to hear those words."

"I'm tired of being by myself. I used to think I was protecting myself. Because I lost everything with Alderaan. My home, my family, my friends, everything I cared about. After that, I was afraid of making new friends or finding a new home. Stars, I still am because I am afraid I'll lose it all again just like I lost Alderaan. I'm afraid that everything I've gained since then is too good to be true, and if I blink it will all disappear. But I'm running out of excuses to keep you at arm's length."

Leia could imagine the goofy grin Han must have been wearing as he loosened his hold and said with great pride, "Why, Princess, I am honored!"

"Make me a promise. Don't leave me. Whatever happens."

"Don't worry, Princess. You're stuck with me." His lips left a tender kiss on her temple, and his arms wrapped their way about Leia's waist just a little tighter. "No more Alderaans," he muttered into her hair. "I'm not gonna let them take anymore Alderaans from you."

Once, only a few months ago, Leia would have argued she had no more Alderaans to hold close to her heart and protect, but things had changed so quickly. She had Han; she could finally admit that she wanted him and embrace it. And now, they had made their own Alderaan together.

Leia settles her hands over her abdomen as she considered that thought— and the mere fact she'd thought it. Her world was suddenly a whirlwind as she realized how she truly felt about it all. This baby hadn't _become _and automatically adapted the similar importance of Alderaan; Leia certainly hadn't felt that way when she'd discovered she was pregnant. No, nothing could be conceived and mean so much at its moment of conception, but grow to develop that meaning. This really had been her unfortunate luck considering the timing and the circumstances— but Leia's lips adopted a nervous smile as she accepted that Han and this baby were both her new Alderaan.


	10. Part 11

The yellow clay structure nearest to the river bank had been empty for years, Rewa had once said. The last family to occupy it had moved to the Outer Rim some years ago once all their children had grown. Five children, Rewa had clarified with a smirk as Han and Leia's faces had split with shock. The parents had added to the home so that it was larger than most others in Casita just slightly. It had a second room which Rewa explained had been for the children. There was a living room space which was also the dining space, complete with a counter and fireplace for cooking. Overall, the cob shelter wasn't what Leia had ever imagined for her first own home, but the small abode felt— right. Like it could be home.

Leia turned sideways to see Han still carrying out his own inspection of the structure, hands stuffed in his pockets, the whisper of a sigh just on his lips. When he looked to her, she could see the doubts swimming in his eyes, could sense his concern radiating from him in little ripples. He was trying so hard, trying so hard to hide it, trying so hard to figure it all out. For them. Leia reached out to him, stretched her arm out for him to take. Hesitantly, he drew her into his arms, held her delicately against his chest. She settled into his embrace, snuggled against him, and she pulled on his chin until he obeyed and glanced down at her. "Han?"

He grunted, "What do you think, sweetheart?"

It wasn't merely to assure him, to lie and display a facade of calm, but genuine hope, and a foreign enthusiasm for their future that Leia told him with all the conviction she had, "I think this could be home."

* * *

The Aldera Royal Palace had been Leia's home until she'd left. She had spent all her childhood and most of her teenage years in the room halfway down the corridor on the fourth floor— just below her parents'. Every Winter Fete Eve and A-Day were celebrated in the Kjerik Hall with the palace staff, foreign dignitaries, and other Elder Houses. Many a sunny afternoon Leia had spent outside with Breha in her gardens, walking through the fields and naming each flower as her mother carefully picked a few to braid into necklaces and crowns for her little princess. Her father's study had been downstairs, nestled in a quiet corner of the palace— a small office with a comfy chair Leia always feel asleep in waiting for her father to finish his work for the day. The Organas had had a small cottage home closer to the mountains for when the winter when the snow was just perfect to play in, but the palace had been steady. Even when high up in the majestic mountains, Leia would find herself missing her familiar bed in Aldera.

Happy memories could be made anywhere— Leia knew— but, since her homeworld had been destroyed, she had taken to the belief that there was something special about having a grounded home with family to make those memories. And, if she were to guess, Leia figured Han felt the same. Han Solo had as much pride in his planet as the next Corellian despite the childhood he'd lived out among the streets. For him, home had moved constantly— never the same bed (if there was a bed), or the same building for that matter. Up to the day they had frantically fled from Hoth, Han had sworn up and down that the nomadic lifestyle was the only way he could live, but Leia had long suspected it was just another part of the act.

Between the two of them, their meager possessions which they'd come with on the _Falcon_ consisted mostly of just old Rebellion-issued blankets and fatigues and motel-quality soaps Han had collected to keep on his ship. Everything else— all the essentials they ever needed were provided for them by the Alliance. Perhaps, stolen or smuggled, but they were a promise, one less worry for the soldiers risking their lives. The realization had come to Han earlier, but he got the feeling that Leia was just now approaching the same turn of thought. They had nothing, and the Rebellion wouldn't be providing for them anymore. They had not a single legitimate Imperial credit to either of their names— only death warrants worth more than star systems. Han was beginning to grow frustrated, muddling his mind for an impossible solution.

They were digging through the various cargo spaces of the _Falcon_ now, looking for anything to use in their new home. Han's sorting was more absent-minded at this point, and he was more tossing items from one side of the ship to the other compared to Leia's meticulous searching with her lasts of supplies they would eventually require beside a list of whatever they had found instead. Shuffling through a pile in his cabin, Han tossed aside a thin, gray blanket.

"Wait!" Neither of them had hardly spoken in minutes, and Han nearly jumped at the sound of Leia's voice. He looked up to see her pointing at his discard pile. "I like that one."

"Like what?"

"That blanket. We should take that inside."

Han retrieved the threadbare blanket and held it up. "This old thing?"

"Too many memories to just toss it, don't you think?"

Han held the blanket in both hands, one thumb stroking the nubby fabric. He couldn't remember where he'd first gotten it, but Leia was right— the ragged piece of cloth carried a few valuable memories from just the last few years. It was the same blanket which Leia had found years ago on a certain trip to Yavin IV when she'd draped it over Luke's shoulders as she offered him comfort in the midst of his grief. Hours after that brief conversation the two had shared, the blanket had been discarded when Luke had fallen asleep in the crew lounge, and Han had draped it over Leia, trying to offer his own comfort to the stone-faced princess. More recently, Han recalled their first night together in his bed; he'd been dumb enough to forget to lock the door when Chewie barged in to complain about something Han had left out, and Leia had frantically seized the blanket from the floor to shield herself. It wasn't much, but it was a remainder, a token of the first three years— the beginning of their story.

"At least take it inside," Leia further implored. "It doesn't deserve to be left in here."

"Sure, sweetheart," he promised, gently laying it in a box of other items they were taking into their new home. "Maybe, we could use it as a baby blanket."

Leia's eyes flashed with amusement, lips rolling to bite back a laugh. Pursing her lips, she decided, "Or, maybe we should keep that just between us. We'll find a nicer, newer one for the baby."

Han smirked. "That's fair." He made a mental note to venture into town one day so he could look for a blanket appropriate for the baby. It was already in his plans to look for materials to start building a crib and, perhaps, a rocking chair for Leia.

Though they hadn't been in Casita for very long, Han was starting to realize how quickly time was passing. Leia was already nearing the end of her first trimester, and her abdomen bore the slightest hint of a curve. If he was being honest with himself, Han was overwhelmed with each new reminder as the entirety of the situation became that much more real. The realization of their impending parenthood was setting in like a healthy dose of adrenaline. Leia's physical symptoms were beginning to become more apparent, a daily reminder of how much their lives were about to change. The pair had all the faith in the galaxy that they would get the swing of parenting and figure out what they had to, but the doubts remained. Neither Han nor Leia truly had any experience interacting with children let alone caring for one. Han was sure he had never even held an infant before, but Rewa had promised them she would show them the ropes before it came time for their own little one to arrive.

Chewbacca was fond of giving Han a hard time over the whole scenario. The wookiee had been fairly shocked when Han and Leia had told him about the surprise pregnancy, and he'd enjoyed teasing Han with all the shenanigans and parenting mishaps he could imagine taking place, but Chewie was genuinely and truly and happy for Cub and the princess. He had a cub of his own back home on Kashyyyk, and he'd told Han that there was nothing to panic over; cubs were much less scary than they seemed. But, he promised Han, he'd still be there to help with the baby. With Han's genes, stars knew Leia would need all the help she could get!

"You know," Han piped up, tossing the blanket aside. "Rewa was saying they've got a lotta' yarn and stuff at the markets in town. Maybe, she could teach us how to make one. That'd be real special."

Leia nodded in agreement. "Maybe, I could," she suggested. "If you're making the crib and a dresser. Let me do something."

He snickered. "You gonna' knit?"

Eyes dancing with mischievousness, Leia shrugged. "I'm already getting bored. It'll be something to do while we wait."

"Yeah? Something tells me it won't feel like we've been waiting that long."


	11. Part 12

"No."

Han blinked. "Just 'no'?"

"You asked me for my opinion."

"Yeah, And I was hoping to have a conversation about it, too."

"I don't know what you want me to say. I should think it would be pretty obvious why I don't want you to go."

Han rubbed at the space between his eyes, already sensing a headache coming on. Although, he had known he had this coming for him. He'd been preparing himself all week just to find the courage to start this conversation with Leia because he had known she would hate it, despise him for even considering it. It was fair, he figured, because he despised himself for it too. It was like he really was leaving her just as he'd been promising Leia for three years he would. Han could imagine how much this must be hurting her, but he'd spent all week wracking his mind for another solution— but there was no other choice.

"How did you expect me to feel about this, Han? Huh?" Leia dropped a rag from her hand and planted that fist against her hip. "Does now really seem like a good time to run away and go back to stealing and smuggling for a living?"

"I'm not running away. I wouldn't be gone that long. I'd just be making a few quick trips here and there to get a few credits. Small trips. No big operations with glitterstim or nothing."

"I don't like the idea of you risking your life like that."

"Nothing I haven't done before. 'Sides, Leia, we've both got bounties on our heads. It's hardly more danger than we're already in."

"But you want to leave me here to go smuggling?"

This resistance was expected. He didn't want to go either, didn't want to leave Leia's side— especially while she was pregnant. No, he wouldn't want to leave her ever. But they were limited on options. This was the only plan Han had. He slouched under the weight of his turmoil as he said, "We need the money."

Whatever Leia's thought process, she didn't seem to get that he hated this solution as much as she did, but her frustration had been left to boil under the surface for long enough. "And what about me?" she frowned, face reddening. "I'll just stay here as I'm helpless in my state. Keep the house clean, figure out what the hell to do with this—" She gestured with a spastic wave of her arm at the growing bulge at her midsection.

"Well, Leia, what do you think you're going to do—?"

"How typical! Why don't you go make the money while I stay here and become a good little housewife—"

"Leia, I'm trying to take care of you and our kid."

"I'm tired, Han! I'm so tired of all of this! I'm tired of taking the back seat and being treated like an invalid! I'm tired of having no control! I'm tired of being pregnant! Why can't we just go back to the Alliance? We won't have to worry about money or medical care. Then, we can leave this place and be done with this whole mess."

"You think that's what you want? You really want to go back to the Alliance? Leia, you aren't thinking straight— you're tired."

"For kriff's sake! Yes, Han, I'm kriffing tired! You have no idea!"

"Have you completely forgotten that you were the one begging to leave the Alliance? If I recall correctly, I kept asking you if you were sure you didn't want to go back to the Alliance because I knew you'd miss it. Because that's the only thing you've ever cared about."

"It's the only thing I know I can do! I had authority! I had control! I knew what I was doing! And now I've been reduced to a housewife."

"Are you sure you really had all that with the Alliance? You told me they rarely listen to you. You told me they didn't want you out on missions. And I hate to break it to you, sweetheart, but it's not really a secret that the Provisional Council was ready to sell you into a profitable marriage. You're acting like you had no idea what they wanted for you. Like you really had control over there. I'm just asking you to think. Really think about it, Leia. Was the Alliance really better than this? You really prefer going back to whatever little cold room they have just for you where no one really cares and you're just a useful tool? You sure you want to go back to that? To them? I'm the one that cares about you! I'm the one that made sure you were eating and sleeping!"

"Oh, how could I have forgotten! My dearest knight and savior—!"

"Oh, for kriff's sake, Leia!"

"This is easy for you! This is how you've always lived! Just hopping from one place to another, never staying for long—"

"I'm making a home here. With you and our kid. That's not how I've lived."

"You get to hop back onto your little ship and do what you know how to do—"

"I don't want to do this—"

"And I have to figure out how to even live— what am I supposed to do here? Without the Rebellion?"

"Leia …"

"We keep having this conversation — over and over and over again, but I don't know what I'm doing, Han! I don't know how to do this, and I'm scared!"

Silence. Eerie silence.

Han looked at Leia, her face hot and red, jaw trembling. He'd never seen her so scared, so vulnerable, and it scared him. Strong Leia. Ferocious, fiery Leia— terrified.

He swallowed. "I love you."

Sniffling, she frowned.

"Sweetheart, you've faced down Vader, but you're scared of having a baby. Me too. Haven't I told you how scared I am?" Han took a step toward Leia, held a hand out to her. "Well, listen. I'm scared too. I've never taken care of anyone but myself, but now you're having our baby. And I don't want you to be doing this by yourself. I'm trying, Princess. I think we gotta' figure this out together if we're gonna' get through."

With more caution than hesitance, Leia walked into his embrace, collapsed against him. He held her tight, cradling her head to his shoulder, gently rocking her foot to foot with him.

"You really want to go regroup with the fleet? Stay with the Rebellion?"

She shook her head against his chest.

"Something tells me Mothma wouldn't be too impressed if I brought you back pregnant."

Han heard her chuckle, and that gave him all the hope he needed. "No, probably not," she agreed.

"We got time. Plenty of time, Princess. We got time to figure this out. And we'll figure it out."

"I don't know anything about babies, Han."

"I don't either."

"I don't even have ideas for names."

"Hush, Princess. We've got time."

Both fell quiet for a long moment, and a fragile peace settled between them. They took each breath one at a time, together, until Leia spoke up. "You want to start smuggling again for me."

"I was up all night thinking about it. I don't know what else to do."

"I love you."

"Even if I start smuggling again?"

"Especially."

* * *

AN: Hey, so, you see that little box down there ... Tis hungry! The poor thing could use some company...


	12. Part 13

"Family was important on Alderaan. Most of my mother's staff had families of their own. One of her handmaidens— she and her husband wanted a big family. They were going to move out of the palace once she could find new work. But they had most of their children before they left. Lots of kids. It was hard for my mother to watch. She loved children, was always happy when someone she knew was going to have a child. But Racha— that was her handmaiden's name— she never had any trouble conceiving. And it started to eat at my mother. She had been trying for years to have one of their own. Until it almost killed her. So, she and Bail Organa adopted me."

Rewa nodded in understanding as she continued her check-up, feeling around Leia's swollen abdomen. "For the most natural thing in the world, it isn't always the easiest thing to achieve."

"I never thought much about starting a family before I'd left home, but I always thought I would share this with her. Maybe, I could let her finally live that experience through me."

"She is," Rewa promised firmly. "She's up in the heavens, one of the stars twinkling up there every night. She's watching over you."

Leia smiled contently. "Only problem is Mama always wanted to hear a heartbeat. She never made it far enough to hear one."

There was a subtle jest in that statement, and Rewa responded accordingly, a stab of guilt flashing across her face. "It is unfortunate," she agreed. "We have gone to great measures in attempts to acquire the tools and machines for our medward, but that technology is expensive," Rewa explained, her voice thick with remorse. "To purchase an ultrasound machine and fetal monitor would raise too many alarms. Even to smuggle such supplies has proven dangerous in previous attempts. The Empire keeps the most detailed record. Any unregistered births—"

Leia nodded. "Alderaan sheltered a lot of mothers who came from the Rebellion. Not all of them made it." It wasn't until she said that when Leia remembered Han's gentle, reassuring grip on her hand. He squeezed once, as if to promise that he wouldn't let anything happen to her or their baby. She could read all that in a squeeze. She gave him a small smile, squeezing back.

Rewa took Leia's freehand and pulled her into a seated position. "Well, all your vitals are checking out normal. From the best I can tell, baby is still healthy and growing."

That was the best answer they would get without access to fetal monitors or sonogram machines. The only promise they had was the steadily growing swell of Leia's belly.

"In the coming weeks, you should start to feel the baby moving some. Maybe kicking. Even better than a heartbeat."

That was a matter of opinion, but the circumstances weren't Rewa's fault, so Leia smiled and nodded, sliding off the low bunk.

She gave Han her arm, and they started the short walk to their home.

* * *

Leia watched him from behind, watched the muscles in his back work as he moved about the small cooking space, chopping up vegetables and adding them to a small pack. She'd let him do the talking since they'd gotten home and merely stood watch, but it was all she could do to hold herself together and push past the fear.

Han paused. "What can I do for you, Princess?"

"I didn't say anything."

"Yeah, but I can hear what you're thinking," he turned around to look at her, grinning. "Like Luke. I've got that weird Force power."

Leia bit her cheek in a vain attempt to hide her good-humored smile.

With no concern as to delicately broaching the topic, Han said, "I know you're worried." Leia rolled her head, avoiding his gaze. She knew that if she met his eyes, he would be able to see into the depths of her soul and pick out her every thought word for word; and she was still hanging onto hope that maybe he didn't have this one all quite figured out yet. "About the baby," he added as if just to spite her and prove her wrong.

Leia shrugged. "I know it isn't Rewa's fault or anyone else's, but … it puts me on edge to think that we don't have all the tools we could have in case something goes wrong."

"Who said something's gonna' go wrong?"

"Han, things happen all the time. Something could happen tomorrow or even right before the baby is born. Something might be wrong with the baby right now and we don't know—"

"And you didn't think you had a maternal side!"

"_Han!"_

"Alright, hey, I'm sorry. Relax."

"You aren't worried at all that something could go wrong—?"

"Sweetheart, we've had this conversation, too. I'm just as worried as you are about all the same stuff. I'm up all night trying to plan for the worst and figure out what we're going to do. But what good will it do if both of us are hysterical, huh? Yeah, things could go wrong. You don't have to remind me, Princess, but things could also go really right. All we can do is hope for the best and keep planning. Whatever happens, we'll figure it out."

She couldn't take it anymore and crossed the kitchen to wrap her arms around him, resting her head on his strong chest. "Just let me cling to you like this until you have to leave."

He returned the hold, clung to her just as desperately. "You're worrying too much. You gotta' pick just one thing to worry about at a time."

Leia jabbed him in the ribs, but Han just laughed. "Hey, I won't be gone long. A week. Two weeks max, and you'll have me back to yourself."

"Has Booster told you where you're going?"

"Obroa-skai. Picking up a hyperdrive there, dropping it off on Carest with my contact, then I'm headed straight home."

"No side trips."

"Promise."

"No glitterstim, no deals with hutts—"

Han rolled his eyes. "Not even cantina strippers?"

"Hey," Leia smiled, raising her arms in surrender. "I'm not telling you 'no'. Go ahead and try it. See how that works for you."

"Alright, alright, Princess. Straight home back to you."

"Good choice, flyboy. You'll be handsomely rewarded when you get back."

A sensuous growl escaped Han's throat, and Leia smirked slyly, watching his gaze follow her.

"You kill me, sweetheart."

Unable to walk away, she drew his arms back around her and stood on her toes to reach his mouth for a kiss.

"I'm gonna' miss you," he murmured against her lips. "But I'll be back before you know it."

"I'll miss you too." Leia took Han's face between her hands and pulled him down to her. Their lips met gently, soft strokes as they held onto each other, savoring each second. Then, their tone turned hungry as limbs became entangled, and Leia pulled him across the kitchen space until she hit a counter and Han was bending even closer. One hand traced her hip, thumb stroking her belly before following her trail of ribs. While his hand hovered near her abdomen, however, something in her belly bubbled like carbonated elba water, and she grunted against Han's mouth.

"What was that about?"

Leia dropped a hand to her middle, mouth agape. "I'm not sure if that was breakfast or the baby."

Chuckling, Han dropped to his haunches, so his face was level with Leia's abdomen. He caressed her curve, and he imagined he was holding their child in that hand. _Small thing,_ he thought with a wry smile. Leia was so small, so petite— their baby would be so small when they finally got to meet it, he just knew.

Leia's breath caught, and Han's gaze flew to meet hers and see her eyes dilate in shock. "It happened again," was all she said.

He grinned. "Still think it could be breakfast?"

Leia was oblivious to the jest, however, now enraptured entirely in this physical sensation occurring just beneath her skin.

"I take it our cub is okay. What does it feel like?" Han asked.

"Like flutterflies. Flapping wings, trying to fly free. It feels so strange. Han, it's making me nervous."

"Hey, baby. Baby flutterfly. I wish I could feel you like Mommy can."

"Stars, Han! Don't call me that!"

"Mommy?" His smile was big, yet soft, thrilled, yet gentle. "You're gonna' be a great mom. We'll be great parents. I got a good feeling about this."


	13. Part 14

**AN: **This is one of my favorite chapters so far, so I hope this is half as decent as I think it is. Please enjoy! (Also, please don't forget to feed my hungry box below!)

* * *

There was something peaceful about water, about its motion, the sound it made as it slapped along the sand. Leia was mesmerized, and she found herself smiling as she threw her head back and thrust her toes into the sand below the river's surface. The cool waves were a relief from the beating rays of Reecee's brilliant sun. But Leia knew she wouldn't be lucky enough not to burn; her pale skin had never been summer-friendly.

Leia hiked up her skirt so it wouldn't get wet, rolling the top band where it sat at her waist. Isab— who was younger than Leia— stood several feet across the river with an infant strapped to her back. She squinted in the daylight, surveying the waters while she clutched a net in both hands. "Allá!" she exclaimed, and handed Leia one corner of the net. "You toss. Over there," she directed.

Leia stepped forward and tossed the net just as Isab had shown her to while Isab tossed a handful of pellets of food. Something caught on the net, yanking it back, and— surprised— Leia gave way and stepped forward. Without criticism, Isab joined her and took hold of the net. "Right here," she instructed, "you pull. Just drag back to shore with you."

Her efforts were met with resistance, but she pulled just as Isab had shown her countless times until she'd dragged the net out of the waves and onto the dry sand. She looked back to the tethered net where a few fish were entangled, shiny tails flapping helplessly against the sand. She huffed a sigh and played it off as exhaustion as she considered the greater sums the other women had been dragging in for the last hour, but Isab still came hurrying to her side, shouting gleefully, "Harra! Harra! Beautiful fish! You do good." The woman knelt before the net and, in a single fluid motion, unsheathed a knife from her hip and cut into the head of one fish.

Leia was a trained soldier; and Leia had eaten fish plenty, too. But there was something about it that made her stomach take a deep-sea dive as Isab seized the fish in one hand and ripped off the head with a crunch. She held it up for Leia to see. "Good meal," she exclaimed, then tossed the dead fish into a basket with the rest of the day's catch.

Nearby, a few of the other women chuckled with amusement. "That's how we pick out the new ones," one of them— Himah, Leia thought she remembered her name was— said to her. "Whoever goes green in the face. But don't worry. It gets easier."

Leia smiled in appreciation as she took a seat beside her and the others. "I came here straight from the Alliance. I didn't think I could be surprised."

Nakia, a women closer to Isab's age with piercing jade eyes and full lips, cast Leia a sympathetic smile. "We know things can't be easy for the Rebel Alliance, but they are their own government. They have their own resources, and you get it all handed to you. 'Here is what you need for this mission', they say. Here? Food, shelter, clothes. It is all up to you. Here, you work for yourself. No time any other commitments."

"Why don't you all just join the Rebel Alliance, then? They would gladly take you in, feed you. We have plenty of resources whether the Empire realizes it or not—"

Himah just laughed. "Leia, Leia! Why are you here, huh? What do we have that your Alliance doesn't? Why can't you just go back to them?"

It took Leia no longer than a second to understand, and, at once, she felt so stupid for it to have taken her even this long to understand. Really, it wasn't about what the Alliance didn't have so much as what they did that Han and Leia had come to Reecee to escape. She understood now why all these women were here, why they stayed here, and it said so much about them, something that they all shared— something Leia didn't see in herself.

"Family. You're all here to be with your family."

"The Rebel Alliance is a glorious and righteous figure, and it is thanks to it that we have any hope at all in this galaxy. But there's a commitment that comes with being a Rebel, is there not? A commitment that discourages families and looks down on relationships."

Leia couldn't deny any of it. She didn't see it as a slight against the Alliance— it was just the truth. Being a soldier in the Alliance was constant. Constant moving, running, new stations, new new assignments, often new peers. There was no time to dedicate to a whole family— there was hardly time to dedicate to a relationship between just two people. If that wasn't a great enough obstacle, High Command did have the tendency to view relationships and families as distractions. While General Rieekan had definitely participated in Rogue Squadron's betting pools concerning Han and Leia's relationship, Mon Mothma set herself in charge of overseeing that every Rebel under her command was equipped with the most efficient birth control. It was all a necessity for the Alliance, really. They couldn't afford to lose their soldiers for honeymoons and babies.

Leia laughed silently to herself, laying her hand over her small belly. Mothma was rigorous about that damn birth control schedule, and it was thanks to that and the lcukiest timing that Leia and Han had to thank for their little package. Mothma had set everyone's calendars and the next renewal was scheduled for approximately a month after the battle on Hoth. _Lucky you,_ Leia thought with more joy than she'd predicted she would have about it. _Or you wouldn't be here, and Daddy and I would be racing back for the fleet._

"You're right," Leia admitted to the women. "I would be lying if I said I wasn't afraid of facing my colleagues and telling them I'm pregnant."

"I'm sure it's even worse for you. if you don't mind my saying so." Nakia's eyes grew round as the plump fruits she had just been picking from the trees earlier. "But you are a leader of the Rebellion, are you not? In High Command?"

"Was," Leia corrected her with her own amused grin. "But, yes, I sat on the High Command's Provisional Council for three years, made decisions, commanded troops. But they knew before I did that something could matter more to me than the Rebellion. I suppose it was just a matter of time before I left looking for something more."

"Oh, don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that you don't belong with the Rebellion. These things change; they're subjective. It's a matter of choosing whether you would rather be part of bringing change to the galaxy or being part of a family."

"So, you all chose family."

"Actually," Nakia grinned. "We chose the rebellion." She raised an eye and added a drawl to her tone as she elaborated, "Or, at least I did. Until I met my husband and he forgot the protection."

Refusing to give her even the satisfaction of an eyeroll, Himah took over. "But that's what Casita is for. You can't fight forever. At some point, you have to rest, find your own happiness. Maybe, that means having a family. Maybe, not. But if you do— or, whatever you do— you aren't alone. You have everyone else in the village to encourage you and help you along the way."

"I really appreciate that. Han and I will certainly need the help."

"Yes!" Nakia exclaimed. "I saw you practicing to swaddle on Guada and Mari's dolls. You aren't going to strangle the baby, but you just might drop her!"


	14. Part 15

Leia was glad that the women of the village had decided it was time to move on from their fishing. From the riverside, she walked with Nakia, Himah, and Rewa to a great earthen lodge situated in the middle of Casita. Across the worn pathway was what Rewa had told Leia was the school. At the commotion of the women returning, dozens of bright and eager faces spilled out and called and waved to their mothers. "Sipho!" Nakia hollered to her own little boy who stood at the outer edge of the assembled crowd. "You get back inside now!"

Rewa chuckled, nudging Nakia's elbow as she brushed past. "He is just happy to see you."

"He sees me every day. He doesn't see the teacher every day. Why can't he be excited when he sees the teacher?"

"What age groups are there for the school?" Leia asked after surveying the crowd of children. "And do they all take the same lessons together?"

Rewa answered, "Sending your children to school is optional. Most mothers teach their children themselves. Their speech, letters, numbers. Whatever they believe their children need to know. So, for the most part, school is more for ... upper level learning."

"Are there ever families who don't teach their children?"

"Leia." Nakia rolled her eyes. "Our husbands are smugglers. We all want our kids to learn."

Rewa snickered, and no one argued the jest.

They approached the entry to the lodge and Rewa beckoned Leia, "Come. We have much to show you still."

The lodging was filled with music and laughter. They scattered across the room in groups, but mingled all together, laughing and hollering. Some sang while they worked, cutting up fruits and fish and trading amongst each other. Others were set to work with various art projects: beading, weaving together grasses, twine, and ribbons, or carefully shaping wet molds of clay.

Rewa handed her basket of fish off to a passerby who swept it away across the room to her group. The women led Leia to the other side of the lodge, seating themselves amidst a pile of twigs and leaves. "Forgive me- I was wandering outside yesterday," Rewa whispered to Leia, leaning close. "But we are not simply housewives. Marriage is a partnership, and we have our own worth to add to our homes." She picked out a few threads and went about stitching them together. "I don't suppose you saw a glimpse of the city, did you? The markets?"

"You make the products and sell them to the vendors."

Rewa beamed. "The vendors pay us well, too. They make good credits off pottery weaved works especially."

A surge of guilt hit Leia, and she bowed her head mournfully. "Rewa, I'm sorry. I didn't mean that as a slight against you or anyone else here—"

Rather than seeming expectant, Rewa appeared more amused by the insinuation that Leia had meant offense in the midst of her heated argument with Han. The woman smiled and shook her head. "You are a strong woman— just the perfect fit for Han. You were raised to take on a career led by men, then went on to lead a military— also dominated by men. Leia, you've managed to grabbed onto control and find the life you want for yourself despite the obstacles. I would be frustrated too if I was apparently forced back into a more "fitting" role.

"But there's nothing wrong with the life you can have here. You can still be in control, do what you want, find something that makes you happy. You don't have to fit the ideal feminine image to be a good mother or a good wife."

It was impressive how spot-on Rewa had hit the mark. Leia had spent all her youth training and studying to join the senate and the Rebellion. The obstacles had been stacked against her from day one, and few had believed Leia Organa would make it far on her own. She was a woman— no, a girl. She was young, foolish, inexperienced. She didn't know enough about the galaxy to lead its people. She was too young to become a senator and make decisions. She was too weak to do anything meaningful for the Rebellion. She was small and skinny, and she was a poor swimmer. She was too innocent, too polite or modest to even touch a blaster— too weak to fire one. But if Bail Organa was going to use his influence to put Leia at the forefront of the Rebellion, then she could sit at a table all day with the rest of the politicians. Then, Bail died. Now, Leia was too emotional, too broken, too grief-stricken to possibly be in the right mind. She didn't know real war, didn't know what kind of sacrifice it took to fight the Empire. She was a princess; she didn't know what it meant to be a soldier, to bleed, to fall, to get back up.

Leia had fought so hard for so long to earn her place, and she'd still been fighting. Now, she was in love, pregnant, forced to stay behind while Han risked himself to keep her and their child safe. She felt like she'd surrendered to everyone who had sworn she wouldn't get anywhere. The Senate job hadn't worked out, and neither had the Rebellion, so now she was giving up, running away to hide from the shame. She had succumbed to the inevitable and was now taking her place at home. And she despised it.

"Being a mother is hard. It takes bravery and perseverance and strength and grit. It takes a lot— a lot that some bureaucrats just don't have. And it's important! Report me to your general, but I believe it's just as important as the job you had for the Alliance. Maybe, even more."

Leia chose to blame it on hormones when her vision blurred with salty tears. She was too relieved and in awe at Rewa's words to feel humiliated, and she wiped them away without a second thought. "Thank you, Rewa."

"Don't worry so much, dear. You will have plenty to worry over later."

Just as Leia returned her attention to the others in her group, watching them carefully weave, her stomach filled with little flutters again. She smiled to herself, settling a hand over her small curve. _I'm sorry, baby. Mommy's still getting used to this._


	15. Part 16

Never before had it really hit Han how fast his life had been moving this last year. He found himself just moving along with it, figuring out his steps as he went. He'd hardly had the time to consider how much his life had changed until he returned from his trip to Obroa-skai to a little place he now called home. Back home, where he'd left his pregnant girlfriend for a two-week smuggling job. Though, 'girlfriend' sounded juvenile and rang all too hollow when Han considered the depth of his feelings for Leia. But their relationship too had suddenly rocketed from playful lovers trying to figure out how deep their feelings ran to— well, to be honest, Han wasn't sure what to call this new stage of their relationship.

Before they had found out they were pregnant, things were intimate physically and emotionally, but a roadblock had fallen between them when Han had realized how much he loved Leia. He wanted to stay with her, stay with the Rebellion if that's what it meant— but he had a bounty to take care of first, and he'd sworn to himself then that he wouldn't jeopardize Leia's safety and well-being just to be with her. Han's plan had consisted of him delivering Leia back to the Rebellion, then going to Tatooine by himself to deal with Jabba. Of course, Leia hadn't been as enthusiastic about this idea, and the fight started. He'd known he had to take care of things with Jabba first. He knew the hutt was past just hunting him for the money, but that was all the more reason to leave Leia and take care of the bounty. He couldn't stay with the Rebellion- with Leia— while Jabba was so determined to get to him. If they hurt Leia ...

But then ... then, Leia gave him the greatest shock of his life. She was pregnant. The game flipped on him, and he knew— Han just knew he couldn't leave her. She couldn't go back to the Rebellion, she couldn't just race across the galaxy by herself. No, there wasn't time anymore. He had to stay with her, protect her—

Initially, Leia had been furious that everything suddenly changed once there was a baby in the picture, but she had come to understand Han's perspective and his genuine desire to do whatever was best for her; and he had come to understand her point, the loneliness and emptiness Leia had felt when he'd been teasing her with one foot out the door.

Now, they were here. There were still plenty of kinks to work out, obstacles to overcome, mutual understandings about their odd relationship to reach, but it was coming together. They were starting a new life from the very first brick, but it was all coming together piece by piece.

While it was a mighty jump to make from teasing Leia just to get her attention to worrying over her and their unborn child, Han thought he was facing it like a champ. He took it in stride, casually adjusted himself as the reality of their situation grew more apparent and— real. He'd never fancied himself quite the fatherly doting type, but Han still found himself returning home with just about every one of his thoughts on the baby. Well, every one that wasn't on Leia.

Han and Leia's home consisted of two levels, the higher one of which was some feet above ground and housed their bedroom. Han shrugged his pack off his shoulder, left it by the door, and crept up the stairs to their room. The door was wide open and the curtains were pulled back from the window, letting in the night's cool air and a shadow of moonlight. Usually, Leia got cold so easily, she'd have all the windows covered once the temperature started to settle in the evening. Han crossed the room to Leia's side of the bed, but found the covers thrown aside and her spot bare. It was late ...

Before he could consider it further, Han heard the click of a blaster's safety setting behind him, and he whirled on his heel, reaching for his own trusty DL-44 where it rested at his hip. He took one step forward and—

"Oh, god, Han! You terrified me!" Han could make out Leia's silhouette sagging against the doorway as she exhaled in relief, blaster dangling from two fingers.

"Leia, what in the hells are you doing up this early?"

"I was just grabbing a snack."

"In the middle of the night?"

There was an audible sigh, and Leia's shoulders fell. "I couldn't sleep. You've spoiled me, Solo. I've gotten too used to your snoring. Without it …"

Han smirked. "You hate my snoring. Wasn't that long ago you threatened to make me sleep in the cockpit if I didn't figure something out."

Leia merely smirked, feigning innocence. "What can I say— I've had a change of heart."

"Hmph! Yeah, alright, sweetheart." He could tell from the glowing flicker of mischief in Leia's eyes that she was in a playful mood; he just wanted to take her into his arms and kiss her into oblivion as he'd spent all of his last two weeks imagining. But Leia wouldn't be so easy tonight— she was going to make him work for it. "Now, why don't you welcome me back properly, and then you can tell me why you're really up."

"What? A woman can't stay up late and wait for her lover to return home?"

"Maybe," Han allowed. "If you knew for sure I was coming home tonight."

Leia tossed her shoulders. "I had a feeling."

"Oh, yeah? That's pretty impressive. You'll have to tell Luke you're a Jedi too." Even as he said it, Han caught himself chuckling quietly at the thought, and Leia seemed to agree with his assessment that the idea was quite funny as she erupted into wild laughter. "Unfortunately," she began as soon as she calmed enough to speak, "I am very normal in that way. No creepy magic powers."

"No? You even have a normal life now!"

That thought seemed to perturb Leia more than amuse her. She blinked once, muscles tensing, then quickly shook it off as she responded, "About as normal as it could get. But you're back to all the old adventures. How did your trip go?"

Han shrugged. "Uneventful. No big scares with Imperials or anything."

"Good."

"But I missed you."

"Did you, now?"

"C'mon, Leia. Please don't do this to me tonight. I haven't seen you in two weeks and I just want—"

But before he could further express how trying the past couple weeks had been or how close he'd been to dropping his load and racing back for home, Leia was in his arms, fingers tugging at the collar of his spacer jacket to pull his face down to hers. At that compromised height which they'd worked out over the long flight to Veridian— where Leia stood her tallest on her toes and Han bent his neck before he could get sore— their mouths met in passionate reunion, Leia's mouth working feverishly and hungrily. Han helped her out by lifting her from the ground, giving her a better advantage to work from. Her lips tangled with his for a moment longer before they broke apart for air. Leia's breath was warm against his neck as she laughed, "Must have been pretty bad for you to start using manners."

"Enjoy it, 'cause it's probably not happening again."

"Lucky you, I won't need a lot of convincing tonight."

"Is that so?"

Leia reached to touch the floor again, looped her finger on his belt, and turned for the bed, taking Han with her. "I really missed you. I missed sleeping with you. And not sleeping with you."

"I can tell."

"In fact, I don't think I want to sleep tonight."

"Except that you still haven't told me why you were already up."

"It's nothing. We don't need to talk about it right now."

"Okay." Han abruptly separated himself from Leia and reached to put out the candle at his bedside.

"Han," she sighed.

"You said there's nothing to talk about …"

"Fine! I had a nightmare! Now, please don't put it out!"

The flame went on burning. The bed creaked in the silence of the room when Han moved to settle into the sheets beside Leia. She refused to look at him, hiding her face behind her hands. "Han, I'm really tired, so could we just please save this for another time and go to sleep?"

"You just told me you've been up all night because you were having nightmares."

"It's nothing I haven't dealt with."

"Well, I think that's a lame excuse for not wanting to talk about it. Have you been having these nightmares since I left?"

"Han," her words fell out with a grieved sigh. "Please— "

"No, I want to help you. How am I supposed to help when you won't tell me what's wrong?"

"I don't need help. I don't need you to take this onto yourself. What I battle with isn't for you to cope with."

"Seems like you don't understand how a relationship works."

She blinked again.

"This is a relationship, right? Where we both care about each other, so you tell me about your nightmares and I comfort you." When she only stared back, an unnamed sorrow haunting her eyes, not a ray of hope visible— that look! She didn't understand, couldn't see how far they had come— she didn't get it, didn't get how deeply rooted his devotion was, exactly how far into the depths Leia had dragged him. That woman— she drove him mad. Han was certain she would be the death of him.

"Leia," he shook his head as if to wake himself from a nightmare. "This isn't Hoth anymore. I thought you realized."

"What do you mean?" She already knew. Han could tell because her eyes were already watering, and she was pulling on the inside of her cheek between her teeth. She knew— she just wouldn't let herself finish the thought.

"I don't have a foot out the door anymore. I'm stuck. I'm stuck right here, right next to you, and it's gonna' take all nine of Corellia's hells to get rid of me. And maybe Mustafar too. But I'm not leaving you on my will. I'm not letting you hide from me or fight me anymore."

Leia's nose twitched in her effort to resist tears, but she was losing that battle, and Han smiled because it made him so relieved. "I love you, Leia Organa. You hear me? I love you. I'm crazy about you. So, now you don't have to hurt alone anymore 'cause I love you and I'm gonna' take care of you. That's what a relationship is. That's what's happened to us. It isn't just you, Princess. I'm carrying everything you're carrying."

It was the most intimate assurance he could have given her. Ever since Alderaan, Leia had insisted on carrying everything around her on her shoulders. Though, she hadn't had anyone else then to help her carry her grief and pain. But she had him now, and Han would make damn well sure she knew it. She would never have to carry anything on her own because he outright refused to let her.

He found her hand beneath the blankets, pulled it out into the open with his. Han threaded their fingers together and squeezed. He promised her, "We share everything now," and left a gentle kiss atop her head.

Leia raised their clasped hands to her lips and kissed his. From between trembling lips, she murmured, "I love you."

Han kissed away each salty tear, resolving to let things go for now. He was tired, she was tired, and he just wanted to hold her while he was home. So, he left it at that, promising her, "I know, Princess. Fierfek, I know."


	16. Part 17

**AN: **In case you don't follow me on Tumblr, I am leaving for a three-week trip to Europe in less than a week. That means that this will be the last update for the month. No promises when the next update will come, but I am working on it. Thank you, guys, for your support!

* * *

Casita was alight with joyous celebration the third week of the month Tremer when many of the women's husbands returned home to celebrate a disgraced Old Republic holiday. Traditional Winter Fete celebrations had been stamped out when the Empire had risen, hastily replaced with an annual week-long celebration of Empire Day— a galactic holiday celebrating the birth and reign of the Empire. Back when the Republic had fallen, holojournalists had called it poetic injustice that Emperor Palpatine formed the Empire the same week as the galaxy's beloved holidays. Now, hardly anyone seemed to remember what Winter Fete had once been. Like the week's history, Leia had retained mixed feelings about the week her entire life. It seemed such a small thing to be so bothered by, but Leia abhorred the fact that her birthday fell on Empire Day. Surely, the incident of and events surrounding her birth couldn't have been anything more than circumstantial, but it was just her luck that she got to share a day of celebration with Darth Vader.

However, this time of the year had gotten easier since she'd struck her lowest point with it following the loss of Alderaan. Since they'd met, Han had made sure to every year to make the day count for something. And this year, in all its simplicity and lack of true pomp, had to be one of the best.

Leia sat outside around a bonfire between Rewa and Nakia, surrounded by a dozen other friends she'd made since residing in the village. Everyone laughed, the woman teasing their husbands who had set themselves to work with preparing dinner. "It's not often we get to wait on our wives like we ought to," Dundu, Nakia's husband, had said earlier, flashing his wife a charming smile. Nakia had appeared unimpressed as she returned his gaze a raised brow and an amused smirk. "Let us make dinner tonight."

Leia found herself thoroughly entertained as she peeked at Han, watching him watch the others in confusion, adding this spice to that pan and making alarmed expressions throughout. "How's dinner coming, flyboy?" she asked him once, laughing as his attention snapped to her. "Just great!" he assured her over the crackling of the fire and boisterous laughter of the crowd. "Real spicy, Corellian style. Just the way I know you like it."

"Let me try," she requested, admittedly concerned, and Han held out a spoon for Leia to smell. When she was convinced her stomach agreed with the heady aroma, Leia smiled and kissed Han's temple. "I can't wait to eat it!" Lately, her stomach didn't seem to agree with anything Leia wanted to eat, and she was glad she could enjoy this night to its fullest.

"So, do you think you will eventually go back to the Alliance?"

The question startled Leia like a sudden dawn in the middle of her reverie, like a harsh drop back into reality from a place she'd confused with an oasis. Leia looked up sharply at the speaker: a Tatooine-tanned man with dark, gentle eyes that meant no harm, yet a paradox to his tall and mighty build—

"Pardon me?"

"I was just wondering if you and Han plan to rejoin the Rebel fleet after your child is born."

"Oh, right. Uh, Han and I haven't made any final decisions about that yet."

The man— who happened to be Nakia's husband— nodded in apparent understanding. "I do hope you end up staying. I've had a wonderful time getting to know you and your husband."

Leia nearly choked on the ladle of stew Han had dished out for her. She made quick work of swallowing the meat chunks and wiping her mouth as she retained her composure. "Han and I aren't married," she tried to laugh.

Dundu, on the other hand, seemed genuinely amused. "No? Oh! Well, my apologies, then. Please forgive me, but the two of you act like you've been married for some time, it seems."

"Well, Han and I do share an interesting relationship."

He grimaced. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have spoken so absently."

"No worries. It was a simple mistake."

As if sensing that the simple mistake had irked Leia more than she was willing to let on, Nakia cleared her throat, tapping Dundu's bicep. "Dear, why don't you go check on our boys. They're too quiet."

Nakia waited until he'd wandered off, chasing after one of their sons until she took a seat beside Leia, her face lit up in open bemusement. "So. Marriage not in the cards?"

"Oh, stars! I'm not ready to think about marriage. You have no idea how fast things have been moving since Han and I left the Rebellion."

"I'm not here to poke my nose in your guys' business, but that was entertaining."

"No, no. That could have put me into early labor right there."

Nakia laughed. "Alright, so no wedding in the near future. Marriage aside, how are you and Han? How did his first smuggling trip go?"

The grimace she got for a response was nearly an answer enough if Nakia didn't care for the context. She waited, didn't say anything, didn't laugh. Leia adjusted her seated position— a feat which was already growing difficult for her— and her gaze sought out Han in the crowd, following him while she indulged Nakia. "His trip went well. No close calls or brushes with Imperials. It was just a quick and easy run that time."

"I take it he's already signed on for his next job."

"He wants to go to Corellia."

When Nakia looked, Leia was keeping a death grip on her bowl and wooden spoon. Her knuckles were white, filled with not anger but fear and tension.

"I know there are plenty of other smugglers there— the Empire only wishes they could keep up with the smuggler traffic there— but it's still in the Core. The Imps watch for rebel activity there as heavily as they do the Alliance in general. And he's gotten in trouble with them on smuggling runs before. The last thing we need is to add another digit to the price on either of our heads." Leia shook her head. "I know he'll be okay. I just know he'll come back. I just wish I could— make sure." She paused and looked at Nakia. "Have you ever wanted to go with your husband on one of his trips?"

Nakia chuckled to herself. "I know what you mean, but I have been with him on trips before. Plenty of them, actually. In fact, that's how we met. I was trying to start up my own smuggling company on the edge of the Outer Rim, and I met Dundu on one of my runs. When we hooked up, we started running out trips together. Then, I got pregnant, and I couldn't keep it up. I had to stay behind and take care of myself while he was out stars knew where with a whole shipment of drugs and weapons headed for rebel cells. Of course, it scared me; it still does, but I think it helped that I had gone with him on so many trips before. I knew that he was cautious. He never took unnecessary risks or made rash decisions. When I became pregnant, it made him even more aware. I never stop worrying about him, but it helps me when I can remind myself that I know he's fully capable of taking care of himself and making the right judgement call. Leia, I know it's hard, but I can't see Han picking jobs he isn't completely confident that he can manage. He loves you and your child; he will do anything to get back to the two of you."

Leia rolled her lips between her teeth, nodding. "I know. I know he will."

"But now the time thing is getting to you," Nakia guessed. "He just got back and he already has plans for his next trip."

"I thought that, by coming here, we would be escaping this. It was just the Rebellion doing this to us."

"I'm sorry." Nakia's eyes appeared to apologize enough for her, but her tone dripped with true remorse. "I do call Casita a haven, and I stand by that. … But it isn't paradise."

* * *

Joy, comfort, warmth, assurance. Leia felt these things, but more as if she were touching them, as not belonging to her, disconnected from her body. It wasn't a sensation because sensations were things experienced on a personal level; one could only experience sensations for themselves. That's not what this was. Leia was positive of that, if only because she knew that she was not feeling joy or comfort at this moment. But she was aware of those feelings as if they were their own entities within the room.

Leia shook her head in an attempt to clear the confusion, and refocused her thoughts and awareness on herself and Han. She had given up on trying to fit her Rebel fatigues over her belly, and retrieved one of Han's plain shirts from their dresser to wear to bed instead.

"Not even asking anymore, huh?" Han chuckled. He pulled off his vest and tossed it aside, replacing his tighter day pants with sweats. "Now I know why I didn't have any clean clothes when I got back."

Leia shrugged. "It's either this or nothing. Unless you want to stop by a maternity store while you're on Corellia."

"You're beautiful, you know."

"That's sweet, flyboy, but it doesn't bother me."

"Didn't think it did. I was just saying."

Leia couldn't help but smile at Han's gentle sweetness. He certainly had his moments. But she would be lying to herself if she didn't admit that it was the scruffy-looking nerf herder side of Han she'd first fallen in love with. It was precisely the thing about him which had always driven Leia out of her mind until she'd come to realize it was the part of Han that made him treat her the way he did; it was his scruffy side that drove him to treat her as an equal, as the mere person she was.

She pulled Han's extra large shirt over her head, then crawled into bed beside him. He helped her, pulling aside the covers for her, then stuffing pillows behind her back. "Today was nice," he commented.

"Yeah, it was."

"Nakia's and Isab's husbands taught me a lot. Now, maybe I can do the cooking more often."

She smiled again. "That would be nice."

"And they showed me some stuff to help with the baby too. Like, how to clean out stains from clothes, and how to fold up a dirty diaper."

Leia nodded. "That's good."

Han tilted his head to give her a sideways look, frowning as he searched her face. "You sound— unimpressed."

She blinked and silently cursed herself, her chest filling with guilt. Then, a sudden spike of anxiety joined the flood, a surge Leia hadn't anticipated. "No! No, Han, I'm glad! That's great! I just— maybe, do you think we have a conversation without bringing up the baby?"

"Oh?"

"I didn't mean it like that. I—" Leia opened her mouth, then closed it, and opened it again. "What about just us? Han, I'm halfway through this pregnancy. We don't have a lot of time left before it's us and the baby. And then, it's never going to be just us again."

"Wow. Yeah. Guess these first few months flew by."

"Hoth doesn't feel so long ago. Have you thought about that, Han? It really wasn't that long ago that we were yelling at each other across the corridors of Echo Base, slinging every ridiculous insult that came to mind." It was funny when Leia thought back on it, and Han seemed to agree. His eyes and lips danced with amusement which then turned to love when his gaze returned to her. "We were just ourselves then. There was— something between us, but we couldn't even put it into words, and then we were on Veridian and we started to figure out what was happening, but then—"

Han laid his hand over her rounded middle where their baby rested safe in mother. Leia met his gaze, and the sight of such rich and innocent love in his eyes was enough to touch off her own delicate hormones. Baby chose that moment to stretch, relishing father's touch. Leia covered Han's hand with her own, caressing the spot—

Joy. Pure, innocent, unrestrained love and joy. Bewilderment, thrill at the feel of her and Han's love. Not quite understanding what was happening, but knowing that this was right, surrounded by love—

Leia's hand flinched, and she was quick to withdraw it back to her lap. The shiver didn't pass by Han's notice, and he frowned, brow creasing in concern. She shook her head, once again dismissing the dizzying wave of foreign emotions. "Then, this happened," she concluded. "And we didn't have a lot of time between this and Hoth to figure us out."

"No, I s'pose not."

"Han, I love you, but I'm afraid that we'll start trying to change our relationship just because we're having a baby, and I don't want that to happen. I don't want that to ruin everything."

He stared at her, dumbfounded. "After three years, I finally got you to admit you loved me. I'm not letting anything come between us."

"No, but I don't want to get ahead of ourselves either. We were hardly on Veridian for a few months before we found out. I don't want to lose track of where we're really at in our relationship. Or, let what people think about us dictate how we act."

"All your friends' husbands thought we're married?"

Leia's eyes bulged. "They said the same thing to you?!"

"I just had a couple guys ask how long we been married."

"How did you respond?"

Han feigned the most charming smile he could, leering over Leia as he told her, "Happiest day of my life."

Rationally, Leia knew Han would never put her in such a situation. He would never lie about their relationship or lead anyone to think there was more or less to them than there was. Yet, in an instant's notice, Leia lost hold of her rational thinking and was prepared to unleash her wrath on him. "You didn't!"

Of course, Han wouldn't, and he laughed, quite amused with himself. "No, but that was funny, wasn't it?"

She firmly shook her head.

"What's that? I can't hear you? Is that a smile I see? Why, sweetheart, I think that means a 'yes'."

"No!"

Before Leia could scoot away, Han enveloped her in his arms, squeezed her close as she struggled and wriggled in his grasp. "Hey, alright, I hear you. _Yes, Han. I wish we were married, Han. I just love you so-o-o mu_ch."

"Shut up!"

With one hand, he traced her side from her breast downward, a hint enough for her as to what torture he had in mind. At once, she stiffened, her spin straightening ramrod. He tickled his hand above her hip and she squealed. _"I don't know what I'd ever do without you."_

"Han Solo, let me go!"

He would, but the ring of her laughter was all too sweet a melody to stop so abruptly.

_"I'm so glad you rescued me back on the Death Star."_

"Hold up! You think _you_ rescued _me?"_

Laughing in her ear, Han stopped, but he didn't let her go quite yet. She relaxed in his arms, all the tension rushing from her muscles. He leaned over her, legs now straddling her hips. Her smile was lazy but thrilled, instinct driving her to anticipation. Now, he definitely couldn't let her down. "That's an argument for another time, Princess. For now, though—"

"It's still just us."

"Yeah." He looked at her for a moment, gazed upon her like a generous feast. Somehow, against all the odds, she was his. And, in return, he was happily hers. But it was true, he supposed, that they didn't have much time left for just them; and while Han held no regrets as he surveyed the wondrous slope of Leia's belly that was— for now— their child's home, he vowed to make what time they had left worth every moment.

"What do you say we have a date night? Just the two of us? We'll go out of town or stay on the _Falcon_ so there's no one to bother us. I'll court you like a real gentleman."

"Ooh. You must be warming up for your comedy performance because that was funny."

He smirked.

"I love the sound of that. In fact, would you be willing to up the deal to the whole day?"

"Anything you want, sweetheart."

She patted his chest, took hold of his shirt and pulled him down toward her. "I love you. Han Solo."

Han bent to kiss her, leaving a trail down her cheek to her neck. He whispered against her collar bone, firmly and clearly, "I love you."


	17. Part 18

**AN: **I'm sorry this took so long. Not going to lie, it's kind of a filler. But some of the next parts are going to be approximately twice as long as this, and one of them is already finished. So ... I guess that means I've already made up for it ;)

* * *

As she awoke to the aromas of a hefty breakfast and the sounds of Han stumbling around the kitchen, Leia wondered if it was the simple moments like this one that the domestic life was all about.

Though she was well accustomed to having no sleep schedule or even getting a reasonable amount of sleep, her body was more than happy to sleep in until she was woken up by her alarm or Han without question. Leia was immensely grateful for that side-effect of her sleep-deprivation, though she supposed she also had the baby to thank for that. So help her, stars above, but she had happily surrendered to Han's demand, and Leia refused to get up before eight unless it was absolutely necessary. More often than not, Han would join her in this small rebellion of its own and remain in bed, though he did sometimes grow restless and could only stay so long. When he did get up before her, he seemed to take pride in surprising her with this or that task already completed. Or, on occasion, with breakfast in bed. She took it was just that Han had in mind for this morning, and she smiled to herself, content, and relaxed back into the bedsheets.

Leia was in awe of the tranquility of the morning, the simple peace and quiet that surrounded her, lack of any alarm or unease. She savored the sheer contentment she felt if only in fear that it would be all too soon when she lost it. She and Han had planned for today to be a simple day, relaxing if such a thing were possible. Stress-free and reassuring was the goal despite the many small errands they planned to make throughout their free day. But it was still reserved just for them, a reprieve from their surroundings and time for them to spend together by themselves, enjoy their time together before it was no longer just the two of them in their home. With an inward grimace, Leia remembered that she was now twenty weeks along, and precious time was running out.

Before she sat on that terrifying thought too long, the bedroom door slowly creaked open until Han came into view carrying a tray of eggs, sausages, and fruit. He leaned forward to peer at her around the indented doorway. "You awake already?"

Leia nodded, shifting to lean on an elbow. "I heard you clunking around the kitchen."

"But you stayed in here?"

She smiled guiltily. "I'm not ready to get out of bed quite yet."

While amused, Han appeared doubtful. "You were waiting for me to bring breakfast to you."

Leia struggled to hold back her guilty smile, and her own amusement spilled through her expression. "Were you not going to bring it to me anyway?"

"You don't know. I could have been waiting for you until I decided to leave without you."

"Mmm," Leia scrunched up her face in a mocking look, stretching as she sat up. "That's not how dates go."

Deciding that Leia had won— this time— Han simply shook his head and laid Leia's plate before her.

"But I love you for bringing me breakfast in bed," she offered. "You're too sweet."

"Hey, don't go spreading that filthy rumor around."

Leia tossed him her slickest smirk, her chin turning up in pride. With the scent of breakfast wafting just beneath her nose, however, her victory celebration was short-lived as her attention was pulled by more important matters. Han must have seen the hunger in her eyes because he quickly offered her a plate from his tray, and Leia wasted no time in digging in.

As soon as Leia had finished breakfast, she changed into a yellow sundress with lace sleeves that hung off her shoulders. Nakia had lent her a head scarf that was common of Reecee women to wear in the sun. Paired with dark sunglasses, Leia decided the outfit was enough to ward off onlookers. Han wore what he normally wore, convinced that Reecee saw enough smuggler activity to not bat an eye— his beloved Corellian blood-stripe trousers with a light and airy white shirt, buttoned uniform-style to the top. One glance, and Leia undid the top three fasteners, smirking mischievously. They stepped out of their home hand in hand and strolled leisurely for town.

* * *

Han was thankful for the time and space to just— walk. And with Leia at his side, there was a tranquility to the air he had never felt before. All his worries seemed to float away on the wings of the wind, passing him by and leaving him behind. There was no longer a great and heavy rancor in the room, but a mutual understanding that there were conversations to be had. They would come. And Han and Leia both would be ready to face them. He wondered if he should begin to broach one now, so many questions and doubts nibbling at his confidence in the future. There was so much to decide. His gaze followed Leia's profile, the new rounded corners to her face, the blooming swell of her belly where she kept a hand gently pressed. So little time.

"How's little cub treating you today?" Chewbacca had been the first to call the baby such, and not with the intention of creating a nickname, but— well, that's what all wookiees called their young or unborn offspring, and he hadn't understood at first what Han found so funny about calling the baby his "cub". But Leia had found the mistaken translation to be endearing, and now the baby was Cub.

Leia ran her hand down her belly, smoothing out the wrinkles on her dress, and drew on a cheerful smile. "Not too bad. My back is better this morning. Although, I think they're going to be active today. Cub hasn't settled down since I woke up."

Han chuckled. "Sounds like my kid."

"Speaking of our kid …"

"Yeah, I figured we'd probably end up talking about some stuff today."

Leia's lashes fluttered against her cheeks as she turned her gaze down to her bump. "It's already not just us."

For a moment, Han wondered if there was a hint of resentment there or not; if there was, he wasn't judging her for it. This certainly wasn't how he'd imagined spending his first months with Leia when he finally broke her down. Yet, Han couldn't find it in himself to regret it either. There was something incredibly beautiful about such a physical manifestation of what he felt for Leia and she in turn for him.

"I guess it's not," he finally agreed. "But I don't think that's completely a bad thing."

Leia shook her head, a slight frown curving her lips. "I don't either. It just reminds me how little time we have to prepare."

"Yeah, well." He didn't know what to say, where to start. But Leia took over for him as she drew herself up against him, her form conforming to his. "We need to start thinking about names. Set up the nursery, buy everything we'll need like clothes, pacifiers, a crib, blankets—"

"Actually, I was thinking I could build the crib myself. It'd save us a couple credits. I'll see if Dundu will help me gather some wood for it. And a changing table, and a dresser too."

"Han, we don't even have a dresser. Does the baby really need one—?"

"Right after I make the crib and changing table, I'll make us a dresser too."

She smiled, her cheeks flushing.

"So, I'll make the furniture for the baby's room and we'll be that much closer to being prepared."

Leia blushed fiercely, but she pushed on, taking Han's hand between her own. "For now, how about we just focus on the smaller things. We can look for clothes and blankets."

"I should have enough from my last paycheck for the important stuff."

For a long moment, Leia didn't respond. Han felt her settle against him, her hand tightening its grip on his arm. "I love you."

"I know," he smirked. "Why now?"

Leia rolled her eyes, but didn't break their contact. "I love you for staying with me. For staying for our baby. For going back to smuggling for us. I know you hate it. Han, I'm sorry for snapping at you when you first decided to start working again. I should have known you didn't want to go back, but that you were doing it for us."

"Sweetheart, I still don't believe half the stuff I'm willing to do for you." Her laughter erupted like a generous fountain, joyous and plenty in its flow. It drove Han wild. He did his best to cover it, nonchalantly stuffing his hands in his pockets and tossing his head. "Spoiled little princess," he muttered.

"The things we do for love," Leia supplied, and Han couldn't help but smile with her. But while hers was in amusement, his was in acknowledgement.

"I quit smuggling for you. Then, I go back to smuggling for you."

"I know," Leia sighed theatrically. "I'm high maintenance. It must take a lot out of you to put up with me."

Entirely deadpan, Han rolled his neck to look at her and growled, "You have no kriffing clue, Princess." Suddenly, however, his features softened with concern which automatically put Leia on edge. "Though, you have been pretty up and down lately."

"You mean 'hormonal'?"

"No! Like— okay, yeah, a little bit. Sometimes. But I mean, you keep doing this thing where you'll freeze like something else is catching your attention, and you'll stare off into space, and you look really confused."

"Oh, wow. Thanks."

"No, Leia! Come on— don't be like that. I just wanted to make sure you were alright."

"Of course, Han; I'm just thinking."

"No," he shook his head. Han squeezed his eyelids closed until they wrinkled like he himself was practicing great strain to find the words he was looking for. "No, you aren't just thinking. I don't mean it in a rude way, but it just seems like you're— uncomfortable? I dunno'! Like you know something isn't quite right. It happened just last week— when we got home from that party in the village."

And Leia knew exactly what Han was talking about. But she didn't know what it was for herself. She could still recall with stunning clarity what it felt like— those odd moments of pure, sweet joy, contentment, love, and innocence, but she didn't know what they meant, why she was feeling them, or if they were all just fragments from her overactive imagination.

"Oh," she shook her head, remaining casual even though she couldn't shake the moments off when they came. "That."

"Yeah, _that._ Mind telling me what's bothering you?"

Leia shook her head. "Nothing is bothering me. It's just— weird. Don't worry about it, Han."

"No?"

"No, it's strange. If I told you what I think, you would tell me I'm crazy."

"Sweetheart, you're bumming around with me; I already know you're crazy."

Leia just rolled her eyes. "Fine. You want to know what it is? Sometimes, I get these impressions of moods that I don't really feel. Like, when it happened last week while we were talking, I was worried and stressed, but I felt— joy. But I knew I didn't actually feel that way." She shook her head, shrugging. "See? It doesn't even make sense. It's probably just hormones. It's nothing, really. It's silly."

"No, no, I'm just trying to understand."

Leia sighed. "Okay, hold out one of your hands." Han obeyed, and Leia put one of her own beside his. Then, she laid her other hand over his. "I can feel a hand beneath mine. But when I touch it, I know that it's your hand— not mine." Briefly, she met his eyes just to see if he was smirking, but Han's attention was focused on her so heavily that Leia could only feel comforted by it. "That's what it feels like," she told him. "I know it's not mine, but I still feel it. I can still _touch_ it."

A long silence filled the space between them as Leia awaited his response, waited for him to chuckle and tease her for 'feeling things'— but he didn't. Instead, Han slowly looked up to meet her expectant gaze, a small, wrinkled crease halfway between his brows. "You mean, like the Force?"

Leia blinked. "What?"

"You know, like how Luke always knows when you're upset or happy 'cause of his Force powers or whatever."

She managed to nod— once. "But that's the _Force_."

"Yeah, but you're saying it's like that?"

She blinked again. "Sure."

Apparently arriving to the conclusion that Leia was in fact crazy, Han shook his head and stretched an arm around her. "You just need to relax. You're getting too worked up over all the baby stuff."

Fully willingly, Leia relaxed into his embrace, settled her head on his shoulder as she walked alongside him. "Baby stuff," she laughed shortly under her breath. "It's important stuff."

"'Course. Just— maybe, don't take it too seriously."

"Han—"

"I mean it, sweetheart. S'not gonna' make things better."

"Yeah, I know, I just …"

There were a million possible endings to that statement, but Leia let the silence fall, left Han to wonder which one she was thinking. Maybe, she thought, he would settle on a better answer than she had. She looked ahead down the street, tried to move on from the moment, but Han was just as stubborn as she; in short, she should have known he wouldn't let it go. "You know I'm thinking about all this stuff too. It's not just you, and I'm gonna' make sure of that."

Leia wasn't in the mood to talk so seriously about all these changes even though it was all she could think about. Instead, she opted for a sly change in topic as she caught a glimmer in her eye. "Han Solo," she drawled, "being responsible, huh?"

This time, he seemed willing to go along with it. "Yeah. Another one of your annoying attributes you've rubbed off on me."

"What a shame. Already, I can hardly recognize you!"

"And it's all your fault," he muttered. "Why don't we talk about something less stressful but just as important."

"Like what?"

"Like names."

"Names," she echoed. With the way Leia seemed to marvel at the thought, Han wondered if she'd completely forgotten about naming their kid. At least, he wouldn't be surprised. He kind of had.

"Yeah, names. What, did you think we were actually going to call our kid 'Cub'?"

"Shut up! I just— keep forgetting we still have that to consider."

"I guess Cub doesn't sound too bad …"

"It doesn't, does it? Cub Organa Solo." Leia could feel Han's smirk through the squeeze he gave her hand at that moment.

"You wanna' give our kid my name?"

"We were equal partners in this, were we not? It's only fair you get half the blame."

"Very touching, sweetheart."

* * *

Han could make Leia forget just about anything. In the past, the beginning days of their knowing each other, he'd helped her forget her grief and the pain threatening to take her down with the rest of Alderaan. He had his tricks to distract her, annoying her, teasing her until her misery was nearly nonexistent. He'd given her companionship, security, a shoulder to lean on. Even now, he could make her forget that their lives were about to change dramatically. He could distract her from the fears swarming her awareness. He could make her feel like they had nothing but time for just the two of them. She didn't know how he did it; she just knew she loved him for it.

Leia was terrified— so terrified. She wished she had her mother with her to talk to, to help prepare her. She wished there was still peaceful Alderaan to provide stability, a promising home with a promising paycheck. But those dear things were lost to her, and she would never get them back. But she had Han, and that was, perhaps, even greater.

He couldn't take away her fear, free her of every worry, but she knew he was here to stick around. Because they were playing the long game now. Expectations, commitment, and all. Certainly not the jump to hyperspace Leia had been expecting when they'd first left Hoth.

At one point in their walk through the street vendors, Han caught her eye, a playful smirk shining there. His pace picked up and he tugged on her hand as he headed for the corner of the street.

"Fierfek, Han! I can't walk any faster; my feet are killing me already."

"We're almost there!"

"Almost where? I'm getting hungry and—"

"There's a café just down the street. Lots of sweets, pastries."

"You sound like a man with a plan."

"Maybe 'cause I do." He grinned at her— that same lopsided grin that had been driving her insane since she met him, and the effect had yet to show signs of wavering. What that cocky little smile of his did to her … he already knew, but Leia wasn't going to let him have the pleasure of her surrender. "This is supposed to be a date, remember?"

"Our first and last," Leia quipped.

"Then, we better make the most of it."

Once again, Han took her hand, then lead her down the street to the outside café. A server greeted them with menus, and they found a table in the shade where Han pulled out a chair for Leia. They ordered, shared between their two platters, conversed and laughed like they had all the time in the world. They talked about everything but the baby— they still had plenty of time, Han insisted when Leia tried to bring up possible names. They told old jokes, reflected on their relationship since the Death Star, laughed themselves to tears at how far they'd come. They wondered what Luke would think of them, what he would have to say if he could see them now, all happy and doe-eyed with a baby in the middle of their beautiful new mess. He was like a brother to her, Leia swore when they remembered the awkwardness that had seeped between the three friends before they'd all fled Hoth. She was sure he would understand, come to agree that something about the thought of the two of them together was— well, almost laughable. That wasn't their relationship. But she and Han. For all their struggles and the absurd fights Luke had witnessed for three years, he had to understand, too, that something about the pair was just right. Or, so, Leia prayed. Because everything about her and Han felt right. She missed Luke, missed having such a dear friend she could talk to and laugh with in a different way than she and Han did. She missed the companionship she'd found in him. Now that she'd opened up to Han, could talk to him about anything she was wrestling with, she wondered what her and Luke's friendship would look like if they weren't apart, because something told her she could still use him. Something about his friendship was essential to her wholeness.

But she was choosing Han. Not choosing Han versus Luke, but she was choosing Han and their child over returning to the Rebellion any time soon. She was choosing building a family and a new life for herself apart from her career and what little had been with the Rebellion for her. Luke— she would miss him terribly, already the thought caused her some pain; but _this_— what she was living for now— it made the Rebellion wink out like a dying star into the back of her mind …


	18. Part 19

Normally, intergalactic comm calls were a small fee, hardly worth the attention, but cheap comms required a fancier plan or grander expense to make such calls. Thus, Han and Leia had agreed he would be permitted two calls at most while he was away— one, presumably, when he knew how soon he and Chewie would be returning. For the first couple weeks, Leia had been on edge, felt rather uneasy about the run, and had hoped Han would use his first call sooner than later if only so she knew he was still alive. Logic and reason had soon returned, however, and Leia continued to remind herself that Han had had a lot of practice at smuggling; he'd been doing it for years. And he was good at what he did if everyone was being honest. He'd rarely dropped a cargo! Once, he'd dropped a delivery, but Han still swore there had been no victory to be gained that day, and dropping the shipment had been his best option. Nevermind that, Leia didn't know what he was transporting this time, but she knew that he was a damn good pilot and smuggler, and he would make it back home as soon as he could.

As for herself, there was no peace of mind to be found in their empty bedroom which Han seemed hell-bent on keeping Leia constrained to. She didn't care to hear his latest excuse— Rewa couldn't find anything wrong with Leia or her pregnancy, and she would not endure bedrest just to reassure Han.

Of course, that didn't mean Han needed to know what she was doing instead.

Isa, Rewa's second oldest child, scrunched up her nose and turned to Leia for help as she raised her blaster above her head. "I didn't hear the click!"

Leia smiled as a natural response to Isa's sheer grit. She could practically see the wheels working in the young girl's head as she surveyed the machine in her small hands. Leia stepped beside her, laid her hands over the girl's, and repositioned her fingers around the butt and trigger of the weapon. "Right there," she encouraged. "Keep your pointing finger on the trigger. Let it rest quietly there. Like a feather. Real softly."

"And my thumb ... " Isa bit her lip. "It goes here, right?"

"That's right! So, you'll use your thumb to change the setting. And we want it at 'stun' when we practice. Just tickle the dial with your thumb until it's set to that orange mark. Got it?" Already tuned back in, Isa nodded silently. "Then, you put your thumb back here—" She gave said finger a gentle nudge back into place. "And rest it there. Then, the rest is up to your trigger finger."

Isa raised the small holdout blaster before her, aimed it at her target, breathed for a few counts before she depressed the trigger and fired at the clay pot ahead of her. The laser nicked the protruding handle of the pottery, but Leia beamed with pride as Isa dropped the blaster and squealed. "I got it, Leia! Did you see that?"

"I did see! Very impressive for a beginner like yourself."

Isa retrieved the weapon and returned it to Leia for handling. "Leia?"

"Yes?"

"Who taught you to shoot a blaster?"

"My father did."

"Why?"

Leia looked down at the weapon in her hands thoughtfully, considered how natural the feel of the cool metal in her hands was, how comforting it was to have it there. She sighed silently to herself. "He wanted to be sure that I could protect myself."

"From Imperials?"

She nodded. "Yes."

"But the Imperials killed your planet, right?"

Another nod.

"Mama says that Alderaan was beautiful. Everyone on Alderaan was nice and friendly. So, why didn't the Empire like Alderaan?"

Leia didn't have to force a smile, though it was a pained one, when she met the small girl's gaze. "You have a lot of questions in that big brain of yours."

Isa shrugged. "I'm curious."

"There isn't a thing wrong with that. In fact, I'm glad. Never stop being curious." Slowly, Leia lowered herself so she could sit in the grass beside Isa. "The truth is that the Empire doesn't like smart and brave people. Smart and brave people know that the Empire is evil, and they aren't afraid of speaking up against the Emperor and his followers."

"Were there a lot of smart and brave people on Alderaan?"

She nodded. "A lot. Most Alderaanians were smart and brave— including my mama and papa. That made the Empire really mad, so they punished them."

"Leia," Isa frowned, stretching out her name. "I know they're all dead. My mama explained that much to me."

Isa was too smart for her— so smart, she'd assumed Leia had been trying to censor her language for the younger, innocent child. But she hadn't. Of course, she knew she should, but it was that, sometimes, Leia couldn't use such strong language around herself.

Tears welled up in her own eyes, and Leia fought to keep them at bay as she settled her hands on Isa's small shoulders and looked her in her bright eyes. Bright eyes full of youth and innocence, hope for the next generation, for her and Han's child. She offered the girl the most buoyant smile she had in her, grasped Isa's shoulders between her hands. "Then, you know that the galaxy is in desperate need of more smart and brave people. Just like you."

Isa's brown irises dilated to nearly twice their size. Leia didn't have it in her to laugh; rather, it made her proud, filled her with joy to see such wonder and awe in a child's face. This was the future of the galaxy. All right here. "You think I'm brave?"

"Braver, smarter, stronger," Leia vowed. "The Empire should be shaking with fear."

Isa smiled to herself, eyes turning downcast, and Leia wondered what was going through her head. What was she dreaming? What greatness was this one small child preparing to bring to the galaxy? What potential was about to unfold from her?

"I want to join the Rebellion."

Leia tried not to appear so surprised even as she felt her eyes pop.

"Not now," Isa amended, "but when I'm older. And I can shoot a blaster like you can."

Leia patted her back once. "You have some work to do until then, but I know you can do it. Just keep working at it like you are now, and you'll do amazing things."

More than satisfied with Leia's encouragement, Isa beamed brightly and scampered off just as Rewa came to check on them. "Sounds like lessons are going well."

"You have raised very determined daughters."

"Have I? Then, I have done something right?" She lent Leia a hand to help her back to her feet, and Leia caught the laugh she was holding back watching her struggle. "And yours will be a big one."

"Oh— fierfek, Rewa. No!"

"But these lessons— they are doing well?"

"Annah is a natural," Leia remarked. "Isa is young, but she is doing as well as she can."

Rewa's smile was understanding. "You are proud of them."

"I suppose I am."

"You don't have to be their parent to be proud of them."

"It's the maternal thing, isn't it? Han told me he thought he saw it coming out more."

"It is! And it suits you well. You'll make a wonderful mother."

With all the good intent Leia knew the older woman meant, something about the compliment irked her, and she voiced it at once. "Breha Organa was a wonderful mother. When I was younger and I considered having a family sometime in my future, I thought about my mother. I compared myself to her, and I realized that I was nothing like her. I'm not soft and loving like she was. Mama was kind and funny and affectionate. She was fair, but she was still gentle and patient. She never raised her voice or threatened me. She was just so— so gentle. And I'm not like that."

"Well, of course, you aren't just like that. You aren't her!" Rewa shook her, freshly impassioned. "Is Nakia like your mother? Am I?"

Leia smirked. "Only when you get protective."

If she were being fair, Leia understood what the older mother was driving at: obviously, not every mother had the same easy smile that disintegrated away all your worries that her mother had worn. Just as she'd proclaimed as a child that she had the greatest mommy in the galaxy, there was no mother quite as gentle and kind as Breha had been. There was no one quite like her at all, really. But a significant part of Leia, a portion steeped in self-doubt and insecurity, berated her for bearing no resemblance to her own mother. How could she be a mother without her own mother's gentleness or silent authority? How could she nurture any child when she had no trace of Breha's kindness or patience? She could hardly handle Han for a day without wanting to pull her hair out. But a child who made messes and needed to be bathed and didn't know how to do everything and screamed for attention whenever something was wrong— So far, Leia had seen no sign of herself bearing any of these helpful traits. In fact, Han seemed to enjoy pointing out that she was just as stubborn and short-tempered as he was.

It was the 'instinct', she supposed, which she was looking for but lacked. She'd never drooled over holos of babies or stopped new parents to congratulate them as her mother often had. She didn't feel _soft_, or like this maternal side to her Han claimed to be seeing was really there. She cared about her and Han's child— she even knew she loved it— but it was like she was back in the early months of her pregnancy when none of it had felt real and the morning sickness and aches and pains had felt more like symptoms of stress. But things had progressed well past that point now— Leia's bulging baby bump and intense emotional rides being only a couple of prime reminders— yet, Leia couldn't come to terms with it. Simply, it didn't seem right. It didn't seem real, and it didn't feel acceptable that she suddenly turn from an officer of the galaxy's largest resistance cell to a stay-at-home mom. How could she be fit to raise her own child when she didn't feel hardly any of the motherly instincts and cheesy jealousies and joys everyone else seemed to feel for her?

More than ever, Leia wished she still had her mother to run to, to curl up in her lap, cry, and beg for her sage advice. Maybe, then, she could figure out what it was to Breha that had made her the mother she'd been …

"You're not her," Rewa persisted with a genuine concern behind her voice that reminded Leia or her late mother. "You're your own person and you'll be a mother in your own way, but fierfek, Leia, if it bothers you so much, I do see a maternal side to you, and it's rather startling! I've been standing in the kitchen, watching out the window while you interact with the girls. It's more than just good practice. Leia, I can tell you care about them and you care about watching them succeed. That's a huge part of being a mother. Of being a parent, I should say!" She seized Leia's hand, squeezed firmly. "Don't let your own hormones cloud your judgment. You are much more prepared than you think you are."

"You really believe that?"

"Well, you're the one who keeps saying you had such a great example."

* * *

Casita had no connection to the HoloNet which Leia was fine with— she didn't care for Imperial gossip channels, anyway. Instead, the village people had their own community collection of holonovels and books. To entertain herself on the lonely and quiet nights, Leia had taken to sorting through these texts, reading whatever drew her interest. Her latest favorite finds had mostly been sappy romance novels until Nakia had turned up with a holodisk of names. She and Han couldn't seem to come up with a boy's name they both liked, and Leia was determined to find one in these records that Han would agree with. Though, none of them were catching her own eye yet …

She was already half asleep where she sat on the couch when her comm lit up. It had been long enough since she'd received regular comm calls that Leia's mind mind now recognized that calls were not a normal privilege. A call to her private comm unit was special. She nearly tripped over her blankets reaching for the communications device and answered the ring. "Han?"

"Hey, Princess," came his baritone voice, and Leia exhaled in relief. Cub seemed to sense her elation as they stretched across Leia's belly and delivered a firm kick. She rested her hand over the spot, smiled in further joy when that foot pressed against her fingers. "I hope I didn't wake you."

"No," Leia stifled a yawn into the crook of her elbow. "No, you're fine. I've been up reading."

On the other end, Han snorted with amusement. "Rewa found another name book for you?"

"Nakia did, but yes. We have to find at least one we agree on."

"We'll find one. Just the right one."

His response was enough to soothe her anxieties, and Leia relaxed just a little bit. Settling back into her cushion of pillows, she asked, "So, do you know when you're coming home?"

"Sorry, sweetheart. Not yet. Uh … Rewa actually called me this morning."

She stiffened. "This is your second call?"

"Leia, we can pay for a third call if we need it."

"Why would you waste a call now—?"

"Leia. Rewa told me the two of you got into talking about your mom."

When she was just a child, it had typically been her father, Bail Organa, who had carried her or held her hand when the Organa family was seen in public. Breha had been queen and stood her post high with her family beside her. Thus had been born in the eye of the public an image of Princess Leia, who had been a daddy's girl since youth. No one ever saw inside the family's palace home when Papa was away on trips for the Senate and Mama was all she had to run to. She could still feel the fine silk of her mother's skirts when she would hurry and hide in them when strangers came to meet her parents.

But it was the condolences, she supposed, that she'd received from fellow diplomats and Rebellion colleagues who had known her father and offered their sorrows because 'they knew how close she'd been to Bail'. Hearing him brought up so often in the months following Alderaan's demise had, naturally, opened up the option to grieve her father as a separate entity. Of course, there were memories and other things to mourn for her father that was different from the memories and things she had to mourn her mother. So, she'd mourned Bail, the loss of her greatest mentor and supporter in the diplomatic field. Only recently had she been able to get over the initial loss with Han's help. But her mother … that spot still felt as sore as the day it happened. She'd hardly thought about Breha— hadn't allowed herself to dwell on her memory in so long. It was a part of Leia that hadn't yet received the attention it needed, and Han knew that, knew how tender that spot was, how much it still hurt.

Now more than ever.

Cub seemed to know their cues because they chose that moment to once again stretch across their compact space and dig into Leia's back. Grimacing, she stood with her comm link. "I don't need you to worry over me. It wasn't like I had a panic attack. I was the one who brought it up, and I'm fine."

"Hey, alright! No need to jump on the defense."

"So, you weren't just about to jump on my tail and barrage me with a hundred questions until you were satisfied that I'm okay?"

"Well, you couldn't even give me a chance …"

Leia realized she could only pretend for so long before Han came to realize his irrational instinct was right. Typically, she was able to hold out for much longer but maybe was Han was right as far as to make her talk through this one. She didn't feel like putting up the fight this time, and old memories of her mother's kind smile and warm touch were pressing harder than she was comfortable with. "I wish I had her now," Leia admitted, her voice but a soft-spoken, broken whisper into the comm. "My mother. So she could show me what I'm supposed to do."

Han was silent for a moment, and Leia knew he was trying to give her time to think, let her take the reins on this conversation. "Yeah. I bet she would have loved to be here too."

"She loved children." Her voice cracked— noticeably, and Leia could have cursed herself if she weren't swept up in the sudden tidal of grief she felt for what wouldn't be. "There was nothing she loved more than being a mother. It keeps hitting me today that she should be here. Not just to help me— though, I could really use it. But I know she would love being a grandmother, too. She should be here so she can spoil her grandkids. But she isn't."

This time, the silence was different. The slightest bit of discomfort if only because … she'd surprised him. It took her a moment, but Leia quickly realized what she'd said to trip up their conversation. _Grandkids._ _Kids._

There was clearly a better option for getting around this rancor, and Leia decided that was to simply ignore it and run. "I just wish I could share this with her. And Papa, too. But Mama— this would have meant so much to her."

"Yeah." A part of Leia wondered if her mother's spirit was sprinkled among the stars, and now the queen gazed downward to watch her daughter's life unfold and her first grandchild come into being. She wasn't sure if Han ever considered such things, but it wasn't something he would voice aloud which Leia didn't mind. But the response he came up with was equally unlike him, Leia thought, and she was nearly tripped up again when Han asked, "You wanna' name our kid after her? You know, if it's a girl."

Stifling her slight shock, Leia was otherwise confident, and she spoke so. "No," she promised without hesitation. "No, I like the name we picked."

"You sure? 'Cause I picked that one out."

"Then, you have good taste. Treasure those words, flyboy. Something tells me you may never hear them again."

On the other end, Han snorted, and Leia smiled at the image she instantly got of his lopsided grin. "Sure, sweetheart. I'll keep that in mind. Anyway, just wanted to make sure you were okay. This line is going to get spendy if we don't hang up soon, but I promise I'll call and let you know when I'm heading back."

"I'll hold you to that promise. I'll call you again if you take too long."

"Deal."

"Okay. … I love you."

"Love you too, Princess. And Cub. Bye."

"Bye."


	19. Part 20

**AN: **Aaaaaannnd, one more sorta filler. Sorry.

* * *

Three more weeks into her one-on-one lessons with Annah'so and Isa, Leia found that she had attracted a new audience of eager learners. Not more children, Leia was relieved; she dreaded putting any weapon in the small, innocent hands of a child, though Rewa had insisted she trusted her girls and wanted them to have the skills to defend themselves. No, her newest subjects were half a dozen of the community's mothers. Nakia, Rewa, Himah, and even Isab stood among this group, ready and attentive.

"It's a good thing to know," Rewa reasoned when she'd first approached Leia to present the small group's request. "It is a common skill in the bigger parts of the galaxy, yes?"

"Sure," Leia allowed, "but Casita isn't part of the bigger galaxy! You have no need for blasters and weapons here." Perhaps, it was because Casita reminded her of Alderaan that she's fought Rewa on the matter and wrestled with the idea of bringing tools of war into the lives of Casita's people. Casita was a peaceful place full of kind and good-hearted people— just like Alderaan had been. But following the Empire's conquest of the galaxy, Leia's father had been forced to surrender a part of Alderaan's innocence and lend arms to his people, train them to protect themselves to defend the greater peace which Alderaan had stood for.

Rewa's argument was much the same. "We appreciate that you did not bring the war with when you came to us. But evil is destined to spread. We must be ready to protect our children and our home and our culture before they come from our blindside."

Thus, Leia found herself once again instructing individuals in marksmanship— this time to stay-at-home mothers twice her age. If nothing else, they were much more attentive listeners than the children, of course, but Leia was taken aback by their grit and resulting burgeoning skills. None of them were quite ready to face even the Empire's newest legion, but such a fine skill was no easy thing to learn later in life, and Leia admired the women for their commitment.

So, Leia spent her afternoon pacing behind the ladies, keeping a careful watch on their activity until Rewa insisted they end lessons for the day if it would convince Leia to rest. Granted that, at thirty weeks along, she forgot what comfort was, she quite preferred the exercise to sitting still and noticing the aches that consumed every joint in her body. But Rewa was prepared to throw a holy conniption if she didn't sit down, and the other women suddenly grew tired and recalled a chore list awaiting them. "Come now," Nakia gently coerced her, taking her by her elbow and steering her straight back for the residential area of the village. "And let me teach you an important skill. It's called 'getting rest while you can because you aren't going to have time to rest for much longer'."

"You know, the coddling is the one thing I don't miss while Han is gone."

Nakia smirked to herself. "He made me and Rewa promise we'd keep an eye on you while he's away."

"Of course, he did."

"Come on! I'm sure we can find something to entertain you while you rest. How about that blanket you've been working on? Have you finished—"

With surprising grace, Leia spun on Nakia, her expression wild as she posed a finger against her lips. "I haven't shown Han, yet."

"A surprise, huh?" She chuckled to herself. "And it's not even for him."

Leia shrugged. "He's so worried about— providing. He's spent all this time away, making sure we have things for the baby and our home. And I'm grateful for that, but … He's doing so much. He's doing everything, and I want to help. I wanted to be useful."

Nakia laughed, erupted into boisterous chuckles. "Honey, I'll bet you he's thinking just the opposite. You're carrying quite the load here." She gestured to Leia's protruding abdomen. "He recognizes that, and he's probably trying to measure up to what he sees you carrying."

They had reached Han and Leia's home, and Leia led Nakia into the sparse living room. "Fierfek, we're hopeless romantics."

"Absolutely doomed. There will be sappy tales written in the far future about your star-crossed romance."

"How gross."

Leia left Nakia in the living room while she wandered to the kitchen for a snack and drinks. She ignored the urge to grab the bag of chips Han had brought in from the Falcon's rations and picked a round fruit from the counter instead.

"How is the blanket going?" Nakia's voice chirped from the living room. "Are you almost done?"

Leia couldn't help her smile as she recalled her accomplishment and informed her friend, "I actually finished it last night." She waddled out to the living room, pointed at the rocking chair Han had built for her. "It's down there if you want to look at it."

Nakia lifted a small knitted blanket from the floor to admire the simple purple and green stripes on the white background. "Leia, this is gorgeous! I can't believe you've already finished it."

"I got bored last night."

"Bored?"

Leia pointed across the living room to where she'd set the cradle Han had also built. He'd carved out smooth rockers with columns lining each side, and Leia had taken to painting over the light wood with common Alderaanian motifs in pastels. "I also did that yesterday."

"How on Coruscant did you have time to do all this? I swear you spent most of the day outside—" Nakia's smile quickly vanished from her face, and she turned to Leia with a fair hint of frustration in her eyes. "Goddess, Leia! You haven't been sleeping?!"

"It isn't like I purposely stayed up all night! I couldn't sleep! I tried!"

"Oh, Leia!" Her voice echoed in her horror.

Leia shrugged, absentmindedly. "It's just a fact of my life. I sleep better with Han there."

"You have to tell him about the nightmares."

"There isn't anything to tell him. He already knows, and there's nothing more he can do about it. He can't prevent them."

"You have to get more rest, hon. You still have a couple of months before you get to stay up all night."

"I'm doing what I can."

Nakia gave the most dramatic sigh Leia had seen, and she hurried to help Leia into her rocking chair— another piece of Han's handiwork. "I should have known." She collapsed onto the floor, stared distantly across the room. You seem more tired when he's gone. And you're always looking for distractions."

Defeated, her shoulders slumped. "Don't tell Han. Please. He's going to start losing sleep if he knows I still have nightmares."

"He worries?"

"Too much. He loves worrying over me. And he doesn't need to."

"But you aren't sleeping when he's gone."

Absentmindedly, she continued to pick at her fruit, eyes downcast. "Han is the only person I've ever been able to discuss those matters with." Hoping she would get the hint that this wasn't a conversation Leia wanted to share with her, she added, "So, trust me, if I need to talk to him, I will."

Apparently taking the hint, Nakia nodded. "Well, anyway, I really like it. Are you painting the room, too?"

"Han doesn't even know I can paint. Not that I'm that into it. But we were only able to get so much done before he had to leave."

"Did you guys finish the nursery?"

"For the most part. Han finished the crib and the dresser, and he made a little toy box, too. It just looks so plain, and I want to decorate it more. Han said he would try to find what he could while he's away."

Nakia smiled brightly, encouragingly. "And then you're all set."

"Stars, I'm not so sure about that."

Appearing merely amused by her doubt, Nakia reassured her, "It's scary for a long time, but you're more prepared than you think you are. First time 'round, no one really knows what they're doing. Mistakes are inevitable, but I have faith in you that you won't let Han screw up your kid too much."

Leia shot her half a glare just for Han's sake, but she was sure her twisted grin was enough to betray her amusement. If his labors over preparing the nursery were any sign, Leia had no doubt he was going to make a wonderful father. Besides, it wasn't him she was so worried about. But she decided it was best to drop her anxieties for the time being. They still had plenty of time to prepare.

Before she could even prepare a defense in the father's honor, her and Nakia's exchange was interrupted as Rewa came hurrying in, demeanor and expression alight with excitement. Without any greeting or explanation, she laughed, "Guess who's back!"

* * *

The Falcon was still blowing stream from between her struts when Leia made her way over. Cub was resting right on her bladder, but stars be damned, she wasn't going to miss Han's first moments back home.

The first person she saw wasn't Han, but Dundu— unloading different crates down the boarding ramp. It was a surprise to see him returning at this time as well, and Nakia rushed forward to embrace her husband. He dropped his load to catch her, and Leia smiled as she watched the couple immediately meet at the mouth, entirely occupied in each other's presence. "What are you doing back?" the wife cried.

"I missed you and the children. So, when Han told me he could use some help transporting some cargo …"

Right on cue, Han came strutting down the boarding ramp, and Leia would have run if she could. In her shape, her best was a waddle, but she hurried for him, and he grinned when he saw her below. His smile was cocky as ever, that same mischief reflected in his eyes. The rogue face was framed in windswept dark hair and at least a week's worth of stubble— and Leia didn't even mind. He took three long strides— Leia counted them— and swept her into his arms, gently squeezing baby between. She struggled to stand on her toes, met him for a kiss, and his calloused hands ran a path from her face down her sides to her belly, as if reacquainting himself with her form. At last, Han's gaze wandered to their baby's current residence. "Cub's done a lot of growing since I left."

She covered his hands with hers. "You didn't miss much. There's still plenty of time for you to catch up." Leia reached to take hold of his face and pulled him down to her for another kiss, this one long and searing. Long, so she could savor the taste of him, the pleasantly rough caress of his lips interlocked with hers …

"Easy, Princess," he chuckled against her lips. "Like you said, we've got time." He laid one hand on her belly and Leia moved it to the lower swell where she was positive the head was facing. "Twenty—"

She shook her head, pressing his hand more firmly against her skin just as she felt movement from Cub. "Thirty exactly as of yesterday. Two and a half months to go."

A kind of warm and bewildered smile danced on his face just as they both felt motion there, something pressing back as if to say 'hello'. "Meanwhile, I brought back a few things I think you'll appreciate."

"Such as …?" His rugged face was shadowed in light stubble, and Leia was tempted to make a joke about him bringing back a razor, but she was too relieved that he was alive and in her arms to truly feel like making the jest.

He pulled her closer, roped her in with his arms, and offered a smile that looked more like a tease. "I got a few things for the nursery I think you'll like."

"I can't wait to see!"

"But that's not even the best part."

Leia raised a suspicious brow. "It gets better?"

He only grinned back as he turned to a particular crate and knocked on it. "Take a look."

To say she was curious was an understatement, and Leia could hardly stifle her excitement to see what treasure Han had returned with. She opened a crate and dug through packaging paper until she found its contents: just a few small bags of a lavender powder. All she could do was stare. Though she wasn't sure what she had been expecting, this certainly hadn't even been a thought. This has to be a joke. Alright, so she'd let him have his fun, but she couldn't find amusement in it.

"Han, these are drugs."

"Well, you don't have to say it like that." He reached in and cleared out the extra packaging and hefted a small baggy in his hand. "Painkillers."

She blinked.

It took her a second. Two, three, maybe six. She blinked again as if she hoped it would clear away this moment and Han would assure her he was only kidding. Surely, he wasn't serious. But she needed the clarification if only to provide Han his last chance to save himself. "For the birth?"

He nodded slowly but didn't appear any less confident and proud. "Yeah! I've been thinking about Rewa said when we got here about arrangements for the birth, and I know you've been worried about something going wrong. I don't have a solution to all those things, but I can at least fix one of them for you."

"With drugs."

She saw it— a flicker of understanding dawned on him as he at least realized that something was wrong. Bless his heart, he really was trying.

"Sure, if that's what you want to call it."

"That's what it is."

"What's wrong with it? I found you painkillers for when you go into labor, and you're mad at me?"

"I'm not mad at you, Han; I'm just trying to understand— or, make you understand. I'm not going to take spice while I'm in labor."

"Why— okay, yeah, it's spice, but it works as a painkiller. They use it in medcenters."

"And how much do you know about prescribing spice to patients? Or dosages? How could we begin to guess what that would do to the baby?" She turned her chin, glanced at him sideways. "You do realize that it could affect the baby."

She hadn't meant to attack Han so harshly, but Leia still felt like she'd had the rug pulled out from beneath her. It was a protection thing, too; she wouldn't let any harm come to her child. If anyone else had been the one to suggest this, she knew she would have been hysterical. But this was Han, and she stopped to remind herself that she knew Han wouldn't even suggest something like this unless he had a reason— and a good one, at that.

_Stop. Breathe, Leia. Hear him out._

"Haven't you been through enough? Fierfek, Leia, you've been through hell how many times—"

"And I'm here, aren't I?"

"You've been through hell and back. Over and over and over. I got you medicine so this doesn't have to be like that."

"You got me drugs that are illegal in almost every civilized planet."

"You've heard Rewa tell you what it's going to be like—"

"Han—"

"And I don't want you to have to go through that—"

"Han!"

"I can't just sit there and watch that happen—"

"Han Solo, will you please shut up and listen to me!"

Leia became aware of their audience the moment the air turned still between her and Han. Chewie, Nakia, and Dundu were only left to stare at the couple, stand amidst the harsh tones and frustrated voices. In the same moment, while everything was silent, Leia's awareness flashed with anxiety, a confused, scared sort of anxiety, and she forced herself to take a breath, resting her hand on the curve of her belly. Slowly, the anxiety eased.

Han sighed, more from embarrassment than anything else, and stepped aside with her.

"Han," she spoke gently now, reached for his chin and forced him to look at her. "We're talking about pain. I've faced pain before. You know what I've been through." She gave him a moment, and she watched as his eyes followed down her frame until they settled on her hip. There on her skin was tattooed a six-digit number in red— the day she was supposed to die in the color of her threat level. The most permanent scar she had from her time on the Death Star. "I've dealt with unimaginable pain throughout my body, and I survived. I can handle a little more pain."

"You shouldn't have to suffer again."

"This isn't suffering, Han. It's just the way it goes, and, to be honest, I can't wait. Han, I have very few expectations for this birth. There is one thing I want out of this birth, and that's a healthy baby. That's it. I couldn't care less about the pain. If our baby is born healthy, I'll call the day a success."

"I want to— be useful."

She'd never heard his voice so soft, so broken though he still fought from showing it. He was scared, just as scared as she was.

Leia sighed. "I can't believe this makes me love you even more."

"Huh?"

She took his hand and started back for their home, pulled him to her side. "I have something I want to show you."

"I have a better gift. I promise. It's— useful."

"Hush, my scoundrel. It's my turn to trade gifts."

"Have you forgotten you're carrying it?"

Leia stopped just outside their home and turned back to face him. She could pick out the guilt, frustration, and helplessness all swimming in his eyes, dampening his trademark confidence. She hated that look on him. "Let's talk about everything you've done in the last thirty weeks. Okay? You've found us a home, a place where we're safe and we can raise our child without a worry, and a community full of support. You sacrificed your new clean record to provide for us." Stepping inside, Leia took him through the living room and began pointing out each piece of furniture. "You built that chair for me, and that cradle for the baby. You built everything in the baby's room: the crib, the dresser and changing table, the toy bin." She turned back to him and took his hands in hers, drew him closer. "I just want to show you how much I love you for it. Fierfek, Han! I love you for smuggling spice for me! I'm not taking that risk. But I still love you for it. And, I know it isn't much, but I got you something. A little piece of me trying to do my half."

"You don't have to do anything, Princess." His hands encompassed her belly, cradled their child in his sure palms. "You're doing more than I could ask for."

"That isn't how this works. We're equal partners, end of the story. This is our family, and we both give. So, just let me show you." She retrieved the knitted blanket from where she'd abandoned it on the couch and held it up by the top corners to show Han. "I made this. For the baby. Now, we have a baby blanket."

"You made that?" Leia gave herself a bonus point for his slack-jawed expression. His eyes roamed the small knit in wonder.

"While you were gone. I wanted it to be a surprise, but now seems as good a time as any to surprise you. See? I got one thing on our list taken care of."

He reached to touch the small blanket, rubbed the feather-soft wool between his fingers. "It looks great."

Leia draped it over her belly, smoothed out the folds. "Maybe just big enough. How about that?"

He nodded, eyes still stuck on Leia's handwork. "I bought a blanket from a shop on Kuat."

She laughed shortly. "We'll need more than one."

"I bought it from an Alderaanian refugee. I wanted it to be special. I wanted it to be _the _blanket. But this one is just as special."

Something about that made it all feel even more right, but Leia could hardly care if Han had gotten his blanket from a back alley on Coruscant. The knit fell from her grasp without a care, and she became consumed by the look in Han's eyes, the understanding of what this was all about. She was grateful— so grateful for the man before her, for the loving and devoted partner and father that he was. _Oh, Cub, you lucky little one. You are the luckiest one of them all to have the daddy that you do. As am I._

"Equal partners."

He took another step closer to her, and Leia thought he was coming for another kiss, but he took her by surprise when he gently picked her up into his arms. "You're right. I've done a lot around here for you."

"You certainly have, flyboy."

"I think it's about time you pay me back some."

Her heart fluttered an extra beat, and she could feel the heat rushing to her face. She'd missed him. She'd missed him so much, and she'd longed for little else in the last several weeks than this … "You're right. What can I do to make it up to you?"

"I think you already know."

"But we'll be unequal again. We've both been deprived, I think."

"Then, let's see who wins."


	20. Part 21

**AN:** This one is ... just a tad longer than most of the other chapters. So, pull up a chair and get comfy.

* * *

Han had never particularly been a morning person. Back before he'd joined up with the Rebellion— when it had just been him and Chewie— long days had been the usual. He had always preferred running his cargo shipments in broad daylight than waking up at some ungodly hour and piloting the _Falcon _until the afternoon. Early mornings had never been worth it. Such was Han's lifestyle and regular routine until he stumbled his way into a crappy deal with the Rebellion where he agreed to stay without official status for less pay than Jabba the Hutt was offering for his head. And he got up early at the most unholiest hours more days than not. Very little could drag Han out of bed before daylight. Lucky for the Rebel Alliance, they'd had Leia.

Leia believed firmly in the doctrine that early to bed and early to rise made an alert and productive person and all that, but, in the time since they had met, Han had found himself up in the middle of more nights than just early mornings. There were nights plagued with nightmares, nights when sleep refused to come, other times when Leia was simply too distracted by work, and now—

He wasn't with her right now. Rewa had banished him to the hallway, insisting he wouldn't be allowed back in until he was calm. "She needs you," the older woman had assured him. "She's going to need you more than me, but it isn't going to help her if you're panicking. She needs you to be her rock and comfort." However, Han wasn't finding it any easier to relax when he was apart from Leia, left with nothing but his own anxiety.

He'd called for Rewa and Nakia when Leia's water had broken. The contractions had been subtle leading up to that, so much so that Leia had managed to sleep through most of them. Since she entered her third trimester, she'd experienced false contractions off and on, and she'd insisted before going to bed last night that these felt the same. Of course, Han had opted to listen to Leia because— well, what did he know about any of this? But Han had called it and convinced Leia they should get Rewa when she could no longer sleep through them. Leia had remained composed, insisted she'd be fine while he ran to get Rewa— although, he'd gotten Nakia just because her home was closer. She was strong enough to keep a neutral face through the pain and tease him for being so nervous. Of course, she was fine. After all, this was Leia. He wouldn't be surprised if she hardly cried throughout the rest of this whole process. Han knew she would be fine; he knew she had more than enough strength and willpower. He couldn't think of anyone more capable than Leia. But it was Leia, and he was stressed and overwhelmed and afraid anyway. He wanted to be at her side and make sure she and the baby were both fine. He wanted this to be over with, prayed that her suffering wouldn't last long. Rewa had explained to him that Leia's labor pains would get worse before she could deliver, and Han didn't think it was fair that she would have to suffer through that. Hadn't she suffered enough since he'd known her that she deserved to have this day to simply celebrate? But that wasn't how this worked, he understood, and it would take pain and tears for Leia to bring their child into the world.

"Oh!" Han grimaced at Leia's groan, instinctively moving to press himself against the door. Rewa was still in the bedroom with her, coaching her through each new contraction. Han heard her now, talking to Leia, gently encouraging her. "Breathe, Leia, breathe. There you go. Keep it up, dear. Just like that."

Han curled his hands into fists, braced his forehead against the clay wall, and tried a breathing technique of his own. It was driving him mad just hearing her, and he wasn't sure how much longer he could take it. He wanted to comfort her, take some of her pain. He just wanted to ease her suffering, to be there and help her. Before she'd left to watch her kids for a while, Nakia too had told him that Leia would need him, that he wasn't completely helpless in the middle of this chaos. All Leia needed from him was exactly what he wanted to give her.

Han wiped a hand down his face before he opened the door and calmly walked in. Leia was squatting on the floor, hands fiercely gripping the back of a chair. Her hair was tied up in a sweaty braid, hanging down her back, and she was wearing nothing more than one of his extra-large sleep shirts— which fell off one shoulder and draped around her neck, but clung to her rounded form— and her feet were clad in thick socks. She exhaled aloud just as he entered, some of the tension in her body momentarily disappearing. As she relaxed, Rewa caught sight of Han in the doorway. "Well, would you look who's back," she smiled.

Leia's eyelids fluttered open and she craned her neck to look at him, and when their gazes met Han could see the pain in her eyes. "About time, flyboy."

He settled to kneel at her side, leaned forward with hunched shoulders, and took her hand. "Hey, Princess." He brushed loose strands of hair past her forehead. "I'm sorry I left. But I'm here now. I swear I'm not gonna' leave again."

She shook her head, apparently not upset. "I called it."

"That I would leave?"

Despite her pain, eyes closing once again, Leia caught a mischievous smile. "You panicked," she grounded out. "I told Rewa you would."

"Hmph. Real funny, Princess. You say that like you aren't."

"Panicking?"

Han nodded. "I know you better than that."

She laughed— a throaty, tired chuckle that pulled at the corners of her lips just a little. "I'm managing, aren't I?"

Han merely repeated himself. "I know you better than that."

Leia nodded to herself, and Han noticed she was beginning to lean more heavily against the chair. "Remember when we were escaping Hoth? You were working on repairs in the _Falcon_'s underbelly and that toolbox fell on you."

"Yeah. I think I taught you a few new curses that day."

A hint of true humor lightened her composure, and she murmured, "You got nothing on me, Solo."

His hands replaced Rewa's on her back, and he kneaded her tense shoulders. "You know, I'd take all this pain on myself if I could. In a heartbeat."

"But I would make you before you could offer— if you could."

"No, you wouldn't." He kissed her temple. "Unless you thought you couldn't do it. Which you know is a load of bantha crap."

"I'm not screaming yet, am I?"

His hands stopped their work across her back, froze above the base of her spine where he knew the baby was grinding down. "Do you want me or not?"

He watched her profile, watched with a side view of her face as every muscle began to tighten. Her forehead met the back of the chair, and their meaningless conversation was at once forgotten. He watched it peak, then fade as quickly as it had hit. She eased her hold on the chair, turned to no one in particular as she mumbled, "I wanna' lie down."

Rewa simply nodded, taking her hand and helping her slowly to her feet. She and Han half-carried Leia back to bed, helped her onto the mattress and rearranged the pillows around her. Han's hand was still caught in hers as she curled in on herself, fingers threading between Han's, digging into his skin. He let her keep his hand, let her have whatever she needed from him.

Rewa set to adjusting Leia's position, gently moving her legs, stuffing Han's pillow between her knees. Soon, Leia had Han's hand caught in both of hers.

He wiped at her wrinkled brow, cleaned off the fresh layer of sweat, and applied loving caresses where he thought she'd appreciate it. "I love you," he leaned forward with hunched shoulders and whispered against her forehead. "Love you even more for doing this."

"Not like—" Leia panted, "You gave me— a choice."

Han managed to smile, honestly relieved to see that even this couldn't beat her down enough to take away the most essential parts to her. Thankfully for them both, her humor was still intact.

"Yeah, well, I know it hasn't been easy. I'll be glad when I'm actually helpful to you and the kid."

Dark, exhausted yet aware eyes opened, a piercing gaze that was devoid of most of Leia's pain. Her jaw trembled— though Han wasn't confident enough to bet between pain or tears— and she spoke firmly and clearly despite her current state. "You've been invaluable to me these last several months. I don't know what I would have done without you."

Han decided that there were plenty more tears to come throughout the day and that Leia could use something closer to reassurance. He scoffed. "Well, to start with, you wouldn't be pregnant in the first place."

Her response was a half-groan, and her eyes fell shut once again. "Mm. It could be worse."

"Yeah," Han agreed. "Gotta' be honest, sweetheart, I'm having a hard time imagining anything better."

"Me too."

Han kept talking. Leia responded when she could, but he had noticed she'd been growing quieter over the minutes as she was washed away to a point where Han couldn't do anything more.

He knew that this was all part of a process, that there was only so much he could do, but that parcel of understanding didn't stop him from worrying, and his anxiety got the better of him once again when she stopped responding. He wiped her brow, combed back the stray and sweaty strands of her hair sticking to her face. "Hey," he tried to sound calm. "You still with me?"

"I'm—" She grimaced. "F-i—" Leia forgot words as another contraction rolled over her. She rolled her head, burrowing her face deeper into the bedsheets, a long groan following.

"Blow," Rewa gently reminded. She leaned in from Leia's opposite side, pressed a fist to the base of Leia's spine. "Blow it out."

In protest of the pain, Leia shook her head, pulling Han closer as she curled in on herself.

Rewa pulled Leia's knee up, carefully parting her legs. "Let me take another peek. It might be time to change tactics."

At the contraction's crest, Leia exhaled and muttered a soft-spoken, "Kriff."

Han might have laughed if the circumstances weren't what they were. He'd heard Leia swear plenty, but she generally refrained from such obscenities around anyone she wasn't intimately close to. Which was everyone save for himself, Chewie, and Luke.

"Five centis," Rewa announced. "You're already halfway there."

Leia shook her head persistently, the first tears of the day streaming down her face. At once, Han leaned closer yet, one hand going to caress her cheek then sweep her hair from her face. "It's too soon!" she gasped, jaw tight. "I can't! It's too early!" Her mouth opened involuntarily and a growl escaped from between her gritted teeth.

Thumb still stroking her cheek, Han glanced up at Rewa. The older woman's face sagged in defeat. "I know, Leia. But we're working on the baby's time. There's nothing we can do to stop it."

"It's too early!" she cried again, clawing at Han's chest with their intertwined hands. "I can't!"

"Yes, you can," Rewa argued. "And you will. Cub's already on their way. The best thing you can do for your baby is to keep going. It's too late to go back."

That was something Han decided he didn't want to think too much about. Before today, Rewa had warned both him and Leia that it was very likely— due to Leia's diminutive size— that she wouldn't carry full term. She'd estimated that the baby might come a couple of weeks early.

Han pressed Leia's hand to his cheek and spared the calendar hanging on their wall a glance. Thirty-three weeks. Just three and a half weeks since he'd returned from his last smuggling run. He didn't want to think about how easily he could have missed it had Cub been any less patient or Han had taken up another run before Leia's due date. Instead, he considered them all lucky that he was here and he wouldn't have to suffer such a guilt.

From the end of the bed, Rewa caught his eye. In a single look, she promised him that she would do everything she could to make sure the baby was healthy. He nodded back. Nothing seemed to be wrong yet.

It was almost funny, Han thought, because he had never thought anything could reduce his heart to a heavyweight pile of mush in his chest. Yet, he found himself holding on to Leia, muttering every comfort he could think of, praying this day would still end a happy one.

_She's going to need you more than me,_ Rewa's voice repeated in his head.

Han kissed her temple, taking Leia's free hand between his as well. "Baby has to be early to everything just like you."

"I wish baby was more like you!"

He laughed softly. "No. I hope our kid is just like you, Princess. Maybe even just as cute."

* * *

Leia had quickly lost the concept of time. She'd lost track of the hours in between pacing and walking laps around the upper floor of the home, kneeling on the ground or against the bed, standing, rocking in Han's arms. Her eyes were closed for most of it, focused on facing the pain, breathing with Han, feeling the baby sink slowly into place. Rewa didn't have the drugs most hospitals did for laboring mothers, and Leia sensed that she felt guilty, but she'd faced horrid pain before, and pain of all kinds. She could face this one just as well. Besides, this one would be different in that it would end in joy.

Han spent the hours holding her, switching hands for her to squeeze, still breathing out loud for her to hear when she opted to cry out instead. She loved him even more for it all.

Over the hours, Leia sunk into her own state of being, hardly aware of anything happening outside of her and Han's bubble. She fought just to stay aware of Han. She felt exhausted, both physically and mentally. Her head bobbed and she blew through it until she became aware of her surroundings. But they weren't the last ones she remembered.

From what Leia could tell, the room appeared to be an operating theater. The lights were bright, stark in the cold room, all pointed at a sterile bed in the center of the area, and the theater was flogged with medical droids who wore gentle, feminine faces. A dozen monitors were displayed above the medical bunk, flashing different warnings and statistics, all measuring and tracking different things. One of the motherly droids hovered at the end of the medical bunk where lay its patient, and sang to her in a gentle tone, _"Uba, uba."_

The figure of the patient was somewhat blurry in Leia's vision, but she could make out the form of a woman with dark hair framing a face twisted in devastating pain. She looked like she could be beautiful with a kind face and deep, sympathetic eyes, but for now, she was just— sad. A long screen shielded her body from the belly down, only revealing her legs which were propped with knees pointing up. The diverse monitors around her lit up with various warnings, holo displays showing failing vital signs. She cried out in her agony until the droid's scooped hands presented a tiny bundle of a squirming new babe wrapped in the purest cloth. _"Isita … oiga,"_ the droid announced— a girl. The baby was briefly presented to her mother before the woman named her, _"Leia,"_ then breathed her last.

Leia didn't have to blink for the foreign scene to transform into a setting more familiar as well as comforting. She saw a much younger version of herself, a small 8-year old little Leia walking through Breha's gardens outside the Organa palace. She walked with her arms stretched out at her sides, letting her fingertips tickle whatever plants she encountered. Her mother loved tending to plants and flowers; she spent so much of her time out here. Sometimes whole days. With careful footsteps, Leia followed the small stone pathway leading to the far corner of the gardens, the one part Mama never showed guests. She made sure she didn't step off the stones as she approached the patch of dead arralutes where her father buried all the reminders of the children he and Breha were supposed to have.

Life was filled with death. Pain and suffering in the wake of what was supposed to be jubilee. Leia's past, the circumstances that had brought her into life were shadowed with death and misery. But that was her past. Leia had left the Rebellion to make a new life for herself, to be with Han, to give her baby a chance. It wasn't going to end now. No. Leia swore to herself that this was only the beginning.

She shook off the remnants of the nightmarish visions, returned to her own time, trembling in Han's arms. Her body shook with pain, frail and weak from the strenuous labor, but Han held her up, kept her on her feet. She couldn't handle being confined to the bed, so Rewa had agreed it was time to change positions. Together, she and Han had gotten her to her feet, and now she stood across the room from the bed, squatting low while Han kneeled right in front of her, letting her lean against him. She rested her head against his shoulder, taking every breath with him.

Her awareness was flooded with fear; gone was the bubbling innocent curiosity and wonder that had grown so familiar. She was afraid, yes— terrified, honestly. But this fear— it didn't belong to her. At its roots, it was disconnected from her body, from the kind of fear she was feeling. She was afraid of failing, afraid of meeting her new child and having no idea how to be a mother. She was afraid of a responsibility she wasn't equipped for. But this fear— Leia could feel it as if it were her own while simultaneously recognizing it as its own entity. It was fear of the unknown, fear of danger, of being forced out of the familiar and into an entirely different world. It was the fear of living outside the known safety and security of home.

A few thoughts flashed across Leia's mind at once and, overwhelmed, she leaned more heavily against Han. Before she could so much as grunt, Han took the clue and readjusted them both, allowing Leia to lean as much as she needed to without fear that he would start to tip. He sat cross-legged while Leia was on both knees, chin resting on his shoulder. She shook her head in the crook of his neck. "I need to move." Han tensed for a moment, but then said something to Nakia whom Leia didn't remember returning, and, together, they helped Leia turn and settle onto a low bench. This time, Han sat behind her, holding her upright.

She was aware of Nakia bending to peek between her legs, but her focus was already returning inward. That fear— it wasn't her own. Somehow, she'd always known that those unfamiliar feelings— sensations weren't hers. They were the baby's. And yet, she could feel them as keenly as her own, just as aware of every mood change as if they were hers. At once, it all made sense, and yet none of it did. She couldn't explain it, couldn't explain how she knew or how any of it was possible. She just knew that it was the baby.

"Rewa." There was an edge to Nakia's voice as she spoke, an excitement. "Ten centis."

Leia's mind was still clouded with fear, panic. "Hand!" she sputtered, and Han found hers immediately.

She had meditated with Luke before. In an effort to ease her grief, Luke had taken to finding Leia every now and then for a session to just rest. She'd struggled to empty her mind for even a moment, to release all her worries and give it up to the spiritual Force Luke said was there for her too. Now, she prayed she'd gained enough from those brief moments with Luke. She took a breath, closed her eyes, forcefully pushed aside every individual fear and worry and stray thought clouding her mind. Leia tried to imagine what focusing her thoughts looked like, envisioned directing her thoughts like a trained laser. She let herself float in the sensation, sinking lower and lower and lower, then pressed her and Han's threaded hands to the downward swell of her belly. _Hear me, baby. Don't be scared. You're okay. We're both okay. This is supposed to happen._

Beneath her, Han's hand relaxed, and he settled his chin on her shoulder as he stroked his thumb across her belly. "Hear that, Princess? You're almost done."

"Time for the fun part," Rewa agreed, smiling softly up at her.

For a moment, she panicked. No, not just for a moment. Leia would be kidding herself if she thought she was prepared for this moment. If anything, her own fears were renewed, and she was terrified of the moment it happened— when her and Han's child was suddenly out in the world with them and no longer simply safe inside her. Yet— while she couldn't quite comprehend how— Leia struggled for the words to say just how much she yearned— more than she'd ever yearned before— to finally hold her baby, clutch a little hand within hers. Her own fears began to seep back into her mainstream of thoughts, but she was quick to fight just enough of them back to return to soothing the baby. _I'm scared, too. I'm terrified. But we're both going to be okay. You belong outside now. Daddy and I are going to take care of you now._

Much like her own, the baby's fear refused to fade, but Leia couldn't blame him or her as she considered what they were going through.

"Just rest for a moment," Rewa instructed as she nudged Leia's knees apart. She opened her eyes and looked to see Rewa squatting below her while Nakia stood close behind with a towel hanging over her arm. She stepped over to Leia's side and gave her a hand. "Squeeze if you need to," she offered. "This isn't going to be easy."

"But you got this," Han quickly added, sliding a hand under her thigh, and Leia wanted to smile. There was the slightest tremor in his voice— something only she could pick up, but it was there and, more than anything else, it comforted her. "You got this, Princess. You're the strongest person I know."

She could feel the pressure building within her own body, gathering in a harsh storm. She gritted her teeth, pulling on Han's hand. "I'm scared!" she cried out when she could finally breathe.

"I know," Han nodded. "You wanna' hear a secret? I am too. But this is going to be amazing. This is going to be amazing, Leia."

Rewa bent between Leia's legs, then patted her foot. "You should feel some pressure in—"

Leia nodded vigorously as she felt it return. "Can I push yet?"

Rewa nodded. "Next time you feel it, you can push. Nakia will count and tell you when to rest."

She nodded once more to acknowledge, adjusting her grip on Han's hand. It was his natural response to gently squeeze her hand in both of his, kiss her temple, then wipe the sweat and stray hairs from her forehead. Oh, Han. She loved him so much. There was no one else she'd ever want to do this with.

Nakia handed Han a damp cloth. "There. No use in getting your hands all slippery."

He pressed it to her forehead, dabbing at the collecting beads of sweat. "You ready?" he asked as he slipped an arm over her shoulders.

She shook her head. "Stars, no!"

Han chuckled softly in her ear. "We'll figure it out," he promised, though Leia wasn't sure if he was trying to convince her or himself.

The pressure returned and Leia gave way to it, surrendering her body to do as it naturally longed to. She tucked her chin against her chest and pushed to the encouragement of Rewa and Nakia. Han kissed her knuckles and muttered sweet nothings. "One, two, three," Nakia began to count off while Rewa shouted, "Good, Leia! Perfect! Keep going!"

"Eight, nine, ten," Nakia finished. Leia gasped for air, head swinging back to fall on Han's shoulder. Another kiss on her temple.

Rewa squeezed her foot. "Take a breath, and again!"

Leia pushed again, trying to ignore the sensation of the baby's mind flaring in protest. She dug her feet against Nakia's and Han's hands and pressed on, silently counting along with Nakia. "Eight, nine, ten!"

Rewa rubbed the front of her hand along Leia's leg. "Rest! Breathe. Good, Leia!"

The next contraction started and, with it, the urge to bear down. Leia prepared herself, sitting forward, but Nakia quickly stopped her, forcing her back gently as she pressed her palm to Leia's shoulder. "Let yourself rest," she insisted. "If you go too fast, you're going to hurt yourself."

"I want to push!"

"I know. Blow instead. Blow through it just like you were earlier." She modeled again, and Leia obeyed, blowing and panting between her lips.

"On the next one, you can push again," Rewa promised her. "For now, take the break. Baby can wait that long."

Without the physical exertion to focus on, however, the baby's rampant emotions flooded her own awareness. Leia grimaced. Cub didn't like being pushed and moved out of their home. _But this is good!_ she tried to explain to the infant mind. _Outside is home. There is a lot more space. It may not be what you want, but this is what's going to happen. It will be okay, baby. I will still be here. But we have to do this together._

The next one came and Leia started just as Rewa nodded her permission. "Easy, Leia. There you go. Nice and easy. Oh! I can see the head! Looks like they've got thick hair!"

"Ten," Nakia squeezed her hand. "And breathe! And one, two, three—"

The head came out on 'six' and Rewa cheered, hollering loud enough to be heard outside. "Wahoo! It's a head! My, that's a lot of hair!"

Leia wanted to laugh, but infant thoughts once again crashed in on her own and Leia's awareness flooded with panic, desperation. She got the impression of being— separated. No! No, baby. We aren't being separated. You're joining me. We are going to be together. But the baby was not reassured, and the panic grew overwhelming.

She'd had nightmares like this— an outpouring, a flood of feelings, images, thoughts that didn't belong to her. Emotion that wasn't hers. She was merely a witness. Yet, she was as much the victim as she was the witness, for she felt this outpouring as if it were her own, fresh and raw as her own memories. And so the panic became her own, and she lost her breath to it.

"Leia …" Han was the first to realize she was going down as her body slowly slumped against his. "Leia," he spoke more firmly. "Leia, hang on!"

"Leia?"

"Oh, sithspawn! Leia, can you hear me?"

"Leia? Leia, dear, you gotta' stay awake! Stay with us! Your baby needs you!"

The panic had replaced the fear, so Leia knew it was the baby. She rode her pain while allowing herself to melt into the emotional turmoil emanating from within her. Perhaps, if she could comfort the baby at the source of their fears, they would calm.

Just as she felt it as her own, Leia studied the feeling, tried to trace exactly what this was. Babies couldn't think as adults could. They didn't understand or have the words to express complex thoughts and share what was wrong. Leia had never paid attention to emotions like this, but it was her only shot. She picked at the sensations like individual threads, surveying them individually before she could see how they all fit together. She traced back the panic until she thought she felt something she recognized, an emotion she was familiar with.

Anxiety. Loneliness. _Separation._

She could hardly remember ever feeling such anxiety before. The closest thing she could think resembled this was when she was a small girl, the fits she'd throw when her father Bail would leave on trips to the Senate— she'd had such terrible separation anxiety as a child. Breha would have to spend hours rocking her, rubbing her back, promising her he would come back. They'd comm him when he was on his ship, and Bail would smile a broken-hearted smile and promise her, "I'll be back, my dear Lelila. I miss you too, but I'll be back." Still, it was never enough until the late nights when he would finally return and Mama would let her stay up so she could wait in the hangar for Papa. Then, being reunited with her father, crying in relief when he came hurrying down the boarding ramp and swept her into his arms, holding her close …

But this was like having half of her own body ripped apart limb from limb. As if half of her was being dragged away. Her heart, perhaps, torn out from her chest, leaving a great gap in the middle of her, entirely barren and empty— a part she so desperately needed. She was missing a part of herself.

No. The baby—?

"Leia?"

She opened her eyes to look at Rewa whose eyes loomed large with concern. "I'm okay," she nodded.

Han looked at her with much the same expression, full of doubt and worry. "Are you sure?"

"Just hold me. Please. I need you."

Without hesitation, without a question, Han moved to sit behind her, spreading his legs so she sat between them. "You're more than strong enough for this."

"I know."

"I don't know anyone more capable than you."

"Hm."

"Our baby will be the luckiest kid in the world to have you."

"I still need you."

"You got me, Princess. You got me."

He took one of her hands in each of his and Nakia nudged at Leia's legs until Rewa was satisfied. "Deep breath," she instructed. "You tell us when."

When the next wave hit, Leia gave way and surrendered herself to an instinct she didn't know she had. She hung onto Han, focused on her family. Her, Han, and—

"One, two, three, four—"

One shoulder at a time. Han whispered, "I love you," in her ear. Once, twice. Enough to make up for every ridiculous insult either of them had ever slung at each other, every laughable encounter they'd shared in the chilly corridors of Echo Base back on Hoth.

Round little belly. Nakia wrinkled her nose and smiled brightly at Leia before sliding the towel off her arm and moving to join Rewa.

"Almost done, sweetheart," Han told her, and Leia blinked as she wondered if she was just imagining the tears she thought she heard in his voice.

"Two more pushes! Baby is almost here. Deep breath, Leia!"

Han seemed to be squeezing her hands more as she gave her last effort and baby slipped free. Leia forced her eyes to remain open as she panted for her breath and watched Rewa quickly hold up—

"It's a girl!" Nakia sang. She swiped her finger into the baby's mouth and Rewa held her stomach-down until, all at once, heaven seemed to bend down to meet the earth, illuminating Leia's view as she got her first glimpse of her daughter. Baby girl chose that moment to cry, a piercing wail that was certainly loud for such a small little thing. Her arms flailed and little legs kicked in anger, shrieking and wailing.

With a joy Leia had never known, she cried, "Jaina."

Rewa laughed as she laid the babe in Nakia's open blanket and gently wiped at her tummy around her umbilical cord. "Jaina, huh? Well, Jaina is a fierce little one! Mommy and Daddy have their hands full!"

She was so red, such smooth skin that appeared so raw, all covered in blood and gook. But most startling was how her anxiety shone like a star gone supernova. "Let me hold her!"

Rewa beamed and quickly relinquished the baby girl to her. Leia reached for her, brought her to her chest and cradled her close. Jaina was tiny, so impossibly tiny in her arms; her head fit perfectly in the palm of her hand. So small, so fragile. At once, Leia was overtaken with the fear of crushing her while simultaneously assured that there was no safer place in the galaxy for her daughter than in her arms. The minuscule features of her face were all squashed and stretched in her fit, and Leia ached to hush her cries. "Oh, my love," she wept, anxiously wiping her off with the edges of her blanket. "Oh, Jaina, it's okay. It's okay, I've got you." She kept her nestled in one arm so she could wrap the towel over her squirming body. In her flailing, Jaina caught her finger, and Leia's heart surged. Her gaze flashed to Han, disbelieving. There was no way … it couldn't be … this precious little package, this tiny beloved baby … she was theirs. When Han met her gaze, he didn't seem able to believe it either; his mouth hung open in wonder, matching his wide, misty eyes. Soft, broken Han Solo. Leia laughed in more joy than amusement at his expense. No, she loved him so much. She'd never loved him more than at this moment, faced with the true depth of their love and devotion to each other. Jaina was love.

But their love, so new and strong and abundant, had multiplied.

Mother and daughter's sweet interlude was then interrupted, Leia grimacing as she fought not to squeeze Jaina. "Han. Take her."

"Wait, Leia—" She would have given nearly anything to watch Han hold their daughter for the first time, but the poor babe was still wailing, screaming at the top of her little lungs, reminding Mommy that her job wasn't done yet.

"It's alright," Rewa soothed. "It's just the placenta. Leia, you can hold Jaina while you do this if you'd like."

She shook her head even though she wanted nothing more. Trusting Han, she released Jaina, left him in his hands. From the corner of her eye, Leia thought she might have seen Han's purely flabbergasted look once their daughter was in his hands. She trusted Han wouldn't get over it any time soon, and there would be time to enjoy that moment later. "I can't," she insisted.

"It will give you something else to focus on."

"I need— focus."

"It's alright. This isn't fun, but it isn't much trouble."

Leia hardly had the strength to speak let alone the patience or energy to explain to Rewa, so she merely pulled herself back up.

"Leia?"

She squeezed Han's arm. He lowered his face to hers, and Leia told him, "Jacen." She hadn't spent hardly a second thinking about it before she said the name. Somehow, she just knew. Without a doubt in her mind, she knew it was a boy.

Han chuckled. "No. Leia, it's a girl." Ever so slightly, he lifted the wailing bundle in his arms. "You just held her. Our Jaina."

She shook her head firmly as the urge to bear down returned. "Jaina and Jacen."

* * *

Han had never held a baby before. He'd never thought he would, but Leia had changed him in all sorts of ways and made him do crazy things he wouldn't have dreamed of doing a year ago. So, he was holding a baby. His daughter. The thought struck him as absurd, and Han was terrified that— if he blinked— it would all disappear.

He didn't understand what was happening as Leia was clearly in pain again. His arms were busy holding Jaina, and he was afraid of letting go with one arm. Jaina. His daughter. Jaina, his and Leia's child, their baby girl. For months, the question had been Jaina or Jacen? Girl or boy, daughter or son? Leia was reasonably exhausted and hadn't gotten more than a couple of hours of sleep before her labor had started. She was tired and needed to rest before she could think clearly. Jaina. They had their little Jaina.

"Nakia." Rewa's voice was even and calm, yet carried an edge of alarm— just enough to grab Han's attention. "We need another towel."

Nakia frowned. "Should I grab one from my closet?"

"Do we not have any more with us?"

"No. We used them on the bed. We saved one for the baby."

"Han!" Leia gasped, and his attention snapped to her. Through gritted teeth, she panted, "Your shirt! Give Rewa your shirt."

Maybe it was underlying understanding, a parcel of logical thinking buried beneath his confusion and panic, but Han would later reflect and opt that it was more likely three years of running missions with Leia for the Rebellion that he didn't hesitate to put Jaina in Nakia's arms and then pulled off his own shirt. He tossed it into Rewa's waiting hand, returning to his position behind Leia without a thought.

Time became a blur of tears and groans and pain. His hand was practically numb in Leia's grasp, but he didn't notice. He was enraptured in Leia, could hardly think over the sound of her cries, couldn't make out whatever Rewa was saying, words flying at meters a second until Leia gave out one last strangled scream—

The room was nearly silent. Having gone from such chaos, such pained cries of both mother and daughter, until a third suddenly joined the medley and it turned to harmony.

Han looked, but he wasn't sure he could trust his eyes. Rewa immediately looked to him, smiling, laughing as she gathered the baby in her arms and wrapped the new child up in Han's shirt. "It's a boy."

And the name fell from his lips, a sound full of wonder and unspeakable joy. Both understanding and disbelief. "Jacen."

Rewa laid the newborn to rest in his mother's arms, and Han's gaze followed. He watched over Leia's shoulder, lips sputtering in dumbfoundedness as he settled eyes on the babe. His son. He was just as tiny as Jaina with the smallest everything Han had ever seen— so small, yet impossibly large for two of them to have been squished inside Leia's belly. His cry was quieter, but so was Jaina's as Leia beckoned Nakia to bring the baby girl back. Nakia laid her on the same arm as Jacen, cuddling the two babes side by side. Immediately, their cries turned to silence. Leia laughed. "I told you guys it would be okay!" She sniffled.

Han watched over her shoulder, watched the baby girl in the crimson-stained towel squeezed beside the baby boy in the large, soiled t-shirt. Jaina and Jacen, his daughter and son, his children.

"There's two of them." He couldn't believe it. Something in him wanted to explode, a flood breaking down the barriers holding it back. He couldn't believe it was real.

Leia craned her neck to look at him, smiling through tears and sweat. "What do you think, Daddy?"

Han brought his hand down to touch his son, cup his head in his palm. Little Jacen wriggled at the touch but seemed more than content to rest with his eyes closed peacefully. Little crescent eyes, delicate dark lashes batting against his puffy cheeks. So smooth, so perfect, so sweet and pure. And they were both his. His and Leia's. He was 'Daddy' now, and no title or job description Han had worn had ever felt so right.

"I think we should keep them."

* * *

Rewa instructed Han in clamping and cutting the cords, wrapped both twins up tightly, and handed them back to Mama. Once Rewa had finished cleaning things up, a sense of peace had settled over the room, betraying the chaotic surprise Leia still felt at staring down at two angelic faces rather than just one. After Nakia had finished checking over both babies, weighing and measuring them, she'd helped the new mother settle into feeding, and now Jacen was suckling on her breast, eyelids heavy, and nearly asleep. Jaina was still waiting her turn, but she had yet to be cleaned and dressed, and Leia— while she already knew she could never tire of staring at either of her babies— had happily handed her off to her father for the time being.

There was no doubt that Han was just as wonderstruck as she, for it was clearly displayed on his face the pure awe he was still experiencing as he gazed upon his daughter and stroked her cheek. Leia could practically feel him itching to unwrap the pale blanket so he could count her toes and drool over her tiny nails and every other centi of her. But they were quickly learning that Jaina was easily disturbed, and the slightest change she did not agree with would start a whole round of tears and screaming, and Leia didn't doubt it would likely shatter Han's tender heart if he made his daughter cry. So, she remained bundled up, all but her sweet face hidden from view.

"I can't believe they're real," Leia heard him mutter, eyes still glued to their daughter in his hands. "Already knew I was lucky." He managed to look away for just a second to wink at Leia. "But this ... the Corellian myths don't ever say anything 'bout having this much luck."

Leia considered. "Or, was it just that you never let yourself believe in it. Believe in yourself. That you could have this."

Han grinned. "Gotta' be honest, sweetheart, I never prayed for twins."

She blew a sigh out her nose, rolling her eyes. "You know what I mean. You never had faith in yourself, did you? You never thought your future might turn out brighter one day."

"No," he admitted. "No, 'cause … good things never happened to me before I met you. At least, not very often."

Leia didn't often consider their relationship in such a light. She was indebted to the scoundrel who had come to her rescue, whisked her from her ice fortress, and 'annoyed' her until she'd finally melted. She didn't often consider that, perhaps, Han felt she'd also rescued him from his own cynicism. There had come a new light to him shortly after they'd first met— and not the same mischievous, cock-sure one she'd grown used to. Han wasn't very well known to be the poet, so Leia took his broken eloquence for what it was.

Everything about this moment was pure bliss. And she never wanted it to end. Never wanted to stop staring at her beautiful babies. Never wanted to put them down. Never wanted to spend one second thinking about anything else. All of a sudden, they were her center of gravity.

It astonished Leia enough to realize she hadn't had a real point of gravity since Alderaan.

* * *

Han's eyes were torn between Leia and Jacen and Jaina. But he couldn't deny that— after staring at Jaina for a considerable amount of time— his attention was drawn back to Leia. Some great and mighty shield in him may as well have been shredded and spit on for all its worth when he settled his eyes on her now. The desire and love he'd felt for her moments ago now paled in the wake of this: the mother of his children. _Their _children. Han could hardly fathom how it had happened; what had slipped between them— or from between them— in a matter of months that his tongue struggled to fire back with its usual retort, and now he found himself stumbling over words like he was writing her a psalm. Nothing had changed between them, yet everything had.

Once Jacen had finished feeding, they'd switched off babies, and Han glanced away from the babe in his arms to catch the mother and daughter battling wills as Leia held her to her breast. Her brow crinkled with anxiety, and Han could tell she was growing frustrated before she said it aloud. "She's not latching on like Jacen did."

From where she kept close watch and guided Leia, Nakia soothed, "It's Jaina's first time too. Just like anything else, she'll have to learn."

If he were being honest, though, Han was feeling just as nervous as he thought Leia was. Little Jaina's face was red as she wailed, angry lips sputtering against Leia's skin. Her tiny fists were balled up tight, stretching and flailing in her misery.

Han stood nearby, rocking Jacen back to sleep, but the effort seemed futile while his sister wailed her discontent. But he remained content, and Han couldn't have been more thankful. He wondered what he was supposed to do when they cried, how he was supposed to know what would soothe their fears and hush their cries. He felt almost guilty, too, that Leia was handling the first cry, and he didn't know what to do besides watch while cuddling a perfectly content child in his own arms. It was clear how exhausted Leia was, how wasted she felt from the long labor, and how clear it was that she hadn't slept in far too long. But even with their daughter crying at her breast, her dark and sunken eyes were illuminated by a light Han had never seen there before— brighter than he'd ever imagined finding there. For so long, he had wanted to find a light and put it in her eyes, make it show across her face, give her a reason to smile, something to have joy over. But this— this radiance was more than he could have imagined her ever possessing. While it was foreign to see in Leia's face, however, Han recognized the light as a mirror reflection of some new instinct he felt within himself. He was different from the person he had been just an hour ago. He supposed that seeing life in its purest form could do that to someone. Already, Jaina and Jacen had transformed him, maybe opened his heart beyond how much Leia had.

Han lowered his gaze back to Jacen, his son, and what he felt when he looked there couldn't be held back. It was too overwhelming to keep in, and he was too surprised, too fragile in this innocent moment to put up his usual defenses. He knew Leia had been right— spot on, really, when she'd guessed at his vulnerability. Even after a year with Leia, he'd never seen himself as worthy of this kind of love and possessing such joy in his life. He wasn't worthy of Leia, of having her to himself, and coming home to her every day, and receiving her love in return. He wasn't worthy of Jaina and Jacen, couldn't possibly deserve to be their father, to get to call them both his, to watch them grow up and explore their world. Of course, now he lost his cocksure confidence in himself. Han knew his own past, knew what his hands had touched and done and what his mouth had said in the years previous to his chance first meeting with Leia Organa. But he realized that none of that mattered anymore; it was just as he realized— he wasn't the same person anymore.

A sudden gasp from across the room caught his attention, and Han's gaze flashed up to see that the light in Leia's face had just intensified, and she met his gaze with a familiar wild love and thrill in her eyes as she exclaimed, "She did it! Han, she's feeding! She got it!" Just as quickly as she had looked up, her gaze was set back on Jaina in her arms, still smiling wildly, tears making a beautiful mess of her face. "You did it!" she cried in a whisper, cradling Jaina's head ever so carefully. "You're doing it, Jaina!"

Rewa chuckled gently, stepping away from the bed. "I told you she would."

Just as soon as Leia had announced it, Han looked to see Jaina perfectly content while she fed, crescent eyes already drifting shut. Sure enough, Jacen, too, relaxed in Han's arms. He and Leia caught each other's gazes, and they shared a smile that seemed to say it all, communicate the mutual awe and love they both felt. Both could only show it; there were no words for this, nothing adequate enough to express half of the sensations presently overwhelming them both.

And everything that he was feeling— this great range of intense vulnerability and sense of protectiveness— Han wondered if that was what Leia had been feeling throughout her pregnancy, her so-called 'sixth sense'. Whatever this was, this rush that wanted to expose both the best and worst in him, Han decided that he was okay with it. He welcomed it. If this was what it meant to be a father, to love something so much that he never wanted to part with it— an eternity of this would be worth it. An eternity with Leia, with their daughter and son. An eternity wondering at what point he had happened to take just the right turn that had landed him here— a quick and unforeseen exit from his rougher past, from being a cynic about love and hope and faith to— well, to freely tearing up at the sight of his baby boy in his arms.

Whatever lucky star Han had happened to wish upon as a kid— from his clouded bedroom window above his rickety, creaking bed of some wretched foster home or another— he thanked it now as he bestowed a gentle kiss on Jacen's forehead and vowed over his unknown mother's grave that his twins would always know their father's love.


	21. Part 22

Leia woke up to her newest alarm: the soft mewls of her babies. She yawned, stretched out her arms, ignoring the protest in her sore muscles. Everything hurt, but when she opened her eyes her newborn children were the first things she saw, and all the excruciating pain she'd spent the day enduring was forgotten.

Han was still right at her side. Nakia had dragged the rocking chair into their room, and Han was seated in it, shirt off, cuddling little Jaina and Jacen to his bare chest. "It's been a pretty exciting day for you guys, hasn't it? Yeah, it's been crazy for me and Mommy too. See, we didn't know there were going to be two of you. At least, Mommy didn't tell me there were two of you, and I don't think she would keep that kind of a secret 'cause she knows I was hardly ready for one of you!"

Leia smiled, relishing the moment. This was never something she had ever dreamed she'd be lucky enough to see. Soft Han Solo. Vulnerable, enraptured father gazing down helplessly into the faces of his children. And those were her children, and Han was their father.

"Mm, but it looks like Daddy was more prepared than he thought he was."

Han looked up, surprised, at the sound of her voice. "G'morning, Mommy. How are you feeling?"

"I hurt everywhere," she said bluntly. "But it's well worth it. Especially if this is what I get to wake up to from now on."

"I wouldn't get too excited. Something is starting to smell over here."

"Have you been holding them since I fell asleep?"

He nodded.

Leia opened her arms out to him. "Let me hold them again."

"I'll let you have one."

"I don't care which one. I just want to hold them again."

"I'll give you the one I think the stink is coming from."

"I don't care."

With the utmost care, Han rose from the rocking chair and stepped to her bedside so he could deposit one of the babies into Leia's waiting arms. She helped, cradling her arms around the babe before Han could set them down.

"Which one is this?"

"Uh, Jacen. We wrapped him up in your blanket, and Jaina in mine."

Amidst all her new fears, Leia was glad she wouldn't have to write their names on their feet or some equally ridiculous method to tell the babies apart. With that thought, she was amused it was the one clear thought she'd had since the birth. It didn't seem real that she was now officially a mother let alone to twins. When she'd reached the realization in the middle of her labor, the moment had required calm and clear thinking— she couldn't have been panicking more before becoming hysterical and stars knew how it would have gone had Leia not been able to comprehend what had been happening. She could only imagine how she would have reacted had Rewa been the first to realize it and told her. But they were both here now, and Leia still couldn't quite grasp it.

Leia looked down at the baby in her arms— Jacen, her baby boy. She had spent a solid hour just staring at the babies immediately after their birth, but her view had been cloudy through the rush of tears. It hit her that this was her first real look at them, and she fought from crying again at the precious sight. His eyes were closed in dreamless sleep, a perfect picture of peace and innocence. His lips were puckered close, the bottom one pouting out just a little. Entranced, Leia ran her thumb over his mouth, and he pursed his lips as if to suckle. She brushed her hand over his head, relished the feel of his perfectly soft skin and dark, downy hair between her fingers.

"I still can't believe it's real," Han murmured, standing with Jaina, rocking from foot to foot. "That they're real. It seems too perfect."

"It does, doesn't it?"

Abruptly, Han looked up at her. "How did you know? That there were two of them. You knew. Before Rewa saw." He shook his head and stared at her through squinted, wondering eyes. "How did you know? You didn't know yesterday, did you?"

She laughed once to herself, glancing back down at Jacen. "I didn't know this morning. It was just … Remember when we were talking about the sixth sense thing? I told you about how I was convinced I was feeling emotions that didn't belong to me. You compared it to the Force."

"It was a joke, Leia. Mostly. I mean, that's just what it reminded me of— the way you were explaining it."

"I'm not offended. Actually, I'm beginning to wonder if you were right."

"Sweetheart, I was joking."

"I know." Leia closed her eyes, focused on the weight of the baby in her arms. As if his umbilical cord was still connected to her, she felt connected to him, still felt his emotions as intensely as she had two hours ago. He wasn't as afraid anymore. Somehow, he knew he was in safe arms. He was content, at peace in Leia's arms. "But I'm not."

He turned his head up sharply, surprised. "Leia—"

"I know it sounds crazy, Han! I know it sounded crazy then, and it still sounds crazy now, but I don't understand what I've been feeling, and I can't think of anything else to explain it. I felt the emotions again— during the labor. I felt this fear that wasn't the same as mine. It was this anxiety, this fear of— of separation! It was right when Jaina started coming, and they were afraid of being separated! I felt their fear. I soothed them."

Han blinked. He looked back down to Jaina in his arms, then back to Leia. He walked up to her bedside to kiss her forehead. "Sweetheart, you're exhausted."

"Han."

"You've been up all day, and you went through a _lot_. I love you, Princess, more than ever. But you need to get some rest."

He thought she was going crazy. Honestly, Leia couldn't even be upset. She wondered herself, was she crazy? She was exhausted, certainly, still riding on the pregnancy hormones. Her thoughts and feelings were a scattered mess, torn between her sheer exhaustion and tremendous joy. And the labor had been so long, so tiring, the pain excruciating. How could she rely on any of her thoughts during the process to be lucid?

But these were feelings they were talking about. Emotions so strong like physical caresses, and she believed in what she had felt, believed that they were real and she hadn't just been imagining some kind of paranormal phenomena. It had been so real, every time throughout her pregnancy when her awareness had been overwhelmed with those feelings that weren't hers, the joy and peace emanating from within her. And during the birth— the anxiety, the fear of separation— it had been so real, so tangible. What else could it have been? What else could have touched her so deeply or given her such impressions of a very specific kind of anxiety which she hadn't been feeling for herself? What separation had she had to fear? There was no other possible answer. Unless she was crazy.

She frowned in frustration, apparently at an impasse in her argument. She never thought she was one to fall for delusions even when greatly stressed or tiresome, but what did she know? She was a mother of two now; all sorts of rules to her life were being flipped upside down.

"How long was I asleep?" she asked.

"Couple hours. You could definitely use a few more."

"You should sleep too."

"I can wait my turn, sweetheart."

Leia looked at him, watched him as he continued to rick Jaina, head bowed so he was staring down at her. She wondered, and somehow she knew to wonder aloud, "Did you fall back asleep last night? After I woke you up?"

Her contractions had begun in the middle of the night, and she'd awoken to them, thus waking up Han. Of course, he'd been concerned, begun fussing over her, frantic, making sure everything was okay and quite ready to grab Rewa. For her part, Leia had been able to relax after realizing she was having real contractions and had maintained a calm enough composure to ease Han somewhat and return to sleeping. But she was beginning to wonder if Han had ever fallen back asleep before her labor had started in earnest.

"Don't worry about it."

"Han. I know you haven't gotten a minute of rest once we got out of bed. Did you ever fall back asleep?"

He shook his head, refusing to meet her gaze. "I was excited."

"_Han."_

Finally, he did look to her, then back to Jaina— neither of them could stop staring. "I was anxious. I wanted to make sure I was there for you. And that I wouldn't miss anything."

It had to be the hormones, but fresh tears welled in her eyes, and Leia wanted nothing more at that moment than to melt into Han's arms and mold together their lips. She'd never loved him so much. Never loved him more since they'd become parents together. "I love you," she wept aloud, her vision quite blurry with tears.

Han chuckled softly. "I love you too, Princess. But I think we both need to get a lot of sleep."

* * *

It was a strange sensation, Leia could have laughed at herself as she considered, to no longer be carrying her children within her, but outside, in her arms. Her first step out of bed following the birth was liberating, but also so … odd, and she felt lost for a moment when she showered and clothed herself and she had to find looser-fitting dress closer to her regular size. But then she rejoined Han in their living room and her precious babies were in Han's arms. They switched places so Han could get cleaned off too, then he helped her wrap Jaina up in a sling for Leia to wear, and Han carried Jacen in his own carrier. Together, they strolled over to the river where many of the women and children would likely be starting their chores for the day.

It was a lively yet relaxing morning as the women congregated to gather their trades for the town markets, and several men were casting small nets into the river to catch their dinner for many nights to come. Children helped with this and that, retrieving small things to help their mothers, and taking note of how to fish as they stood with their trousers and skirts pulled up in the low waters. Casual banter and friendly laughs echoed down the bank until Han and Leia approached, and many heads turned to see the newest members of the community. They were praises of congratulations, different ritual songs sung in welcoming. Isa, Guada, and Mari— Rewa's youngest girls— were the first to sprint to Leia's side and stand on tippy toes to catch a glimpse of the baby. Nakia's daughter and son Zawadi and Kiburi were at their heels, raising themselves up by pushing on the smaller ones' shoulders.

"Ah, ah, ah!" Nakia frowned and called to her children. "What do I tell you about respect? Give Miss Leia some space."

The children took no heed of their mother's warning and anxiously peered over each other's shoulders. Leia laughed, hardly minding, and joined Nakia where she sat with Rewa, Himah, and Isab. She readjusted her sling so Jaina's face was turned out of Leia's chest, and tucked her blanket tightly around her so the young girls and Kiburi could still see.

"Is that your baby, Miz Leah?" eight-year-old Zawadi asked as she fell right onto her butt to sit between Leia and her mother.

Leia smiled at the little girl. "Yes. Her name is Jaina."

Nakia pulled her daughter closer to herself. "Jaina is small and fragile, and she can get sick very easily, so you have to be careful. Understand?"

Zawadi mumbled a half-acknowledgment and waved at her mother, leaning closer to Leia's arm. Han joined the group, taking a seat on Leia's other side, some space away from the gaggle of children, but they all gasped and lit up with excitement when they realized that there were _two _babies to drool over. Nakia gently shooed at the group to get her own look, cooing and grinning at little Jaina. "They look healthy. How did the night go?"

"Hardly slept a couple hours," Han answered.

"I think we're still living off the adrenaline," Leia agreed. "Jacen slept through most of the night, but he woke up whenever Jaina did. He's fairly quiet, though. Is that normal?"

Nakia smiled, amused. "It can be. Sounds like you two might be lucky and Mister Jacen is just a quiet one."

Kiburi softly poked Leia's elbow, and he looked up at her with big and hopeful eyes as he asked her, "Can I touch your baby?"

Leia nodded. "You can touch her head very gently. She's sleeping."

"But it's the day!" Guada giggled. "You're supposed to sleep at night."

"Little babies don't know that yet," Rewa explained. "They will sleep whenever they want to."

"I wish _I_ could sleep during the day," Kiburi, age five, muttered, and Leia rolled her lips together to stifle a laugh.

"Alright, you saw the babies. Now, go help Baba!"

Some moaned or made terrible faces of pity, but the crowd finally dispersed, running off to play their own games of house and babysitting. "They act like they've never seen a baby before," Himah laughed.

Nakia rolled her eyes. "Births in the community are a great deal," she explained to Han and Leia. "They will be respectful and keep their distance, but everyone will want to congratulate you two or lay a blessing on the twins."

"Everyone cares for everyone's children in the village," Rewa elaborated. "If you need support, you have it."

"It was very similar on Alderaan," Leia said, "in neighborhoods and communities. Royal births were a whole fanfare. There would be parades and all other sorts of celebrations help by the people to welcome the new heir." She rubbed her thumb along Jaina's rosy cheek and tucked her fuzzy blanket more securely around her. "Part of me is grateful for having this instead. Living in a quiet little village, away from peering eyes and galactic holojournalists. But it also feels too small. My adoption into the royal family was celebrated for weeks. Even though I had not a trace of their queen's blood, they welcomed and accepted me as their future leader. A really big part of me wishes Jaina and Jacen could have that too. They are half-Alderaanian. They will always be descendants of the Organa bloodline to me."

"Only rightly so," Rewa assured her. She reached over to give Leia a reassuring squeeze on her leg. "That is your heritage. That is your family, your bloodline."

She couldn't help it, but her old grief had started to seep back in, like a chamber steadily filling with water. Alderaan had a planet religious to its traditions and ceremonies. Today, she couldn't help but think about how she and Han should be introducing Jaina and Jacen to their people and the people to their heirs. They would present the twins to Leia's parents who would plant their blessings on their grandchildren—

Leia bowed her head to reach her lips to Jaina's forehead, planting a soft kiss on the smooth skin. She kept her lips pressed there, trying to suppress the grief and tears. She felt Han's hand settle on her back, and she leaned into the touch, grounded. "I want Leia's background to be part of 'em, too. That's why we gave them Leia's family name."

Just as Nakia and Himah reacted with shock, Leia shook her head, correcting, "Actually, we gave them both our names. We couldn't decide between Organa and Solo. So, they get both. 'Organa' is their middle name. Jaina and Jacen Organa Solo."

"That's beautiful, I think." Rewa leaned over to gaze upon the angel faces for herself. "In your children, you have preserved your home."

"I guess I never thought of that before. But it relieves me to think that I might be able to do that."

"Well, of course, you can." Rewa pulled herself to her feet, and the other women made to join her. "You're a primary source of what's left of your planet. You have plenty to pass on. Now, if you would excuse us, the day is early and there is work to be done." She nodded to the babies in the parents' arms. "Enjoy your first day."

The friendly commotion of the villagers carried down the river bank towards the forest, but Han and Leia remained in their place simply enjoying the view. Leia's heart was filled with such pure joy, she felt herself close to tears when it was just her and Han there and she could take it all in. The river before them flowed peacefully, lapping along the sandbank as it drifted along. Its headwaters were a healthy hike from this point. There was a hill just some distance beyond where Reecee's sun cast its most brilliant glow— or, so Isab insisted. Just past that was where the wild began, an expanse of trees just barely great enough to call a forest. From where she and Han rested, Leia could make out the tips of proud trees. There was the village behind them, a generous clearing spotted with small cob homes and larger structures which were used by the residents for community events and gatherings. Then, of course, there were the people. So friendly and welcoming were all there faces, so cheerful and bright, exchanging jolly pleasantries whenever one passed another. They were all one great family, and life was a celebration they were meant to eternally spend together. It was unlike any place Leia had ever been before. Already, she couldn't imagine easily parting with it.

Leia leaned onto Han's arm, closed her eyes for a moment. "Have I told you yet how much I love it here?"

"You wouldn't rather rejoin the fleet?"

"I wouldn't rather go anywhere else but here. With you. And the twins."

"It's been a pretty great place to start a new life, hasn't it?"

She snuggled closer against him, content to rest like that while the gentle breeze blew at the hairs stray from her loose braid. "I could never have imagined a better place to start a new life."

Han stretched an arm to wrap around her shoulders and pull her even closer. He spoke closely to her ear, "You like this life?"

"How many different ways do I need to put it to reassure you?"

"Hm. Try at least five more."

Leia rolled her eyes in goodnatured humor, leaning up to kiss Han's stubbled cheek. "I love my new life, living here, with you and the twins."

"Sweetheart, we've only had the twins for just over a couple days. You might want to wait a while before you say that."

She knew Han only meant it in good humor, and she laughed in agreement, but the twins were not even half of a week old and Leia didn't want to imagine her life without them. Jaina and Jacen both were an irreplaceable part of not only her life but herself that she knew would be as great a loss to her as Alderaan.

Damn hormones. She swiped away a lone tear before Han could see, momentarily turning her gaze downward. In the confinement of her swaddled blanket, Jaina stretched and her mouth opened into a great 'O' shape as her nose crinkled and Leia's heart surged. "Jaina's waking up." She and Han had been going back and forth the past couple days like this, narrating every little move either of the twins made. And the other would always snap around to see, and it would feel so cheesy and wonderful at the same moment.

Jaina's lips settled into an odd quirk that dimpled her cheek, and Leia internally gasped. "She's going to have your smile," she told Han.

"My smile? What does my smile look like?"

"It's that lopsided thing your mouth does."

"Oh, the one that drives you _wild,_" he teased, and Leia could practically sense said grin on his face though she wasn't looking at him.

"There are many more things your mouth can do that I wouldn't say your grin is the one thing that drives me wild."

"Oh?"

Leia certainly was not in the shape for such physical activity, and she wondered how soon she'd be feeling well enough that it would make for anxious waiting until Rewa gave the all-clear. Though, she supposed she and Han were more likely to become too exhausted from late nights with the twins before then.

"Someone's feeling flirty."

Leia shrugged, feigning indifference. "Blame the hormones. I used to be much better at governing my impulses."

"Just another loss after I corrupted you."

She laughed, nodding in agreement. "Oh, all the permanent marks you've left on me …"

"I'm not gonna' lie, I'm pretty proud of some of those marks."

"I'm sure you are," Leia murmured, and she was quick to turn her gaze back to Jaina as she felt a familiar tingling heat crawling up her neck. That warmth only increased when Han bent to whisper in her ear, "You wanna' know what my favorite one is?" She felt one of his hands slide around her hip, and then he held Jacen just beside his sister. "These two."

All the excited tension rushed from her body as she exhaled. Attention once again affixed to the babies, she was mesmerized for a moment how her entire world now balanced on Jaina and Jacen's tiny hearts. She agreed aloud, "Mine too."


	22. Part 23

Another half of a standard year on the Core calendar had passed, and it made Leia's head spin to even think the twins were that old. They were growing so fast, constantly taking their parents by surprise with how much they were learning. Both had mastered the art of babbling, could roll from their backs to their stomachs to their backs, could pull themselves into a sitting position, and had begun to drool like little rancors. The twins were just on the cusp of learning to speak, and Leia had her bets placed on Jaina who made especially silly, pouty paces when she screeched, smacked her lips, and chattered nonsense in the few sounds she knew how to make. Her favorite sound was to moan _'mm'_ while clapping at her side excitedly. In the past weeks, upon noticing Jaina's new favorite sound, Leia had begun to encourage words, cooing back, "Mama! Can you say 'mama'?" But Jaina had yet to squeal anything other than just sounds and adorable baby nonsense. At least, Leia thought it was adorable. Until the babbling turned to screeching and sticking out her tongue so her front half was covered in drool.

She took great pride in the twins' learning strides and was genuinely thrilled by each milestone they reached. Every day of their lives was so brand new and meaningful, and Leia lived for even the smallest moments. She'd never loved anything as much as she loved being Jaina and Jacen's mother. But they weren't quite angels all the time, and motherhood was still so new to Leia. Every day came with its own struggles. Leia had hoped that her qualms and fears concerning motherhood would fade once the twins were born, that she'd reach a moment of clarity when she'd realize how absurd her old fears had been, that Jaina and Jacen would prove to be heaven-sent, and everything would just fall into place. While some of her fears had been put to rest and Leia came to see how ridiculous other fears had been, she'd learned following the twins' birth that now there were real fears— or, what she perceived to be real fears now. There were small things and big things, fears ranging in magnitude from the fear that the babies would get their hands caught in the door to her persistent fears of not being enough for them. They were so precious to her, and so helpless. She struggled to fathom how she could be expected to be held responsible for two whole lives. How could another human's development of speech and motor skills and emotional growth be trusted to her? What did she know about raising tiny humans to be good people and a force for good in the galaxy? Han kept insisting she was the one with parents for an example to reflect on, but it wasn't like Leia knew how Bail and Breha Organa had managed to lead their world with dignity and grace while being attentive and loving parents. As for herself, Leia was systems away from the Rebel Alliance and still afraid of failing her children.

Of course, she had Han too. Ideally, the two of them were a team, equal partners in crime as they navigated parenthood through trial and error. No, no, they _were _equal partners, and Han was doing so much for her and the babies. When the twins were a couple of months old, Han had returned to his smuggling, only taking the small jobs that would allow him to return home after a few days at the most. Nothing could keep the new father away from his children for very long. Often times, he would even return home with new toys and things for them. But Leia and Han's relationship— was stagnant at best. As the initial shock of dawning parenthood had faded in the weeks following the twins' birth, their relationship became almost mechanical. Han suddenly began to withdraw, holding Leia at arm's length and pushing them back to an uncomfortable spot Leia had thought they'd long ago escaped. It felt like their days together before they'd come to Reecee, how a line seemed to separate the sand and draw limits they'd once broken. They were partners, and that was about it. They were, perhaps, 'partners in crime', like respective partners in a very formal case.

And Leia hated it. She hated the cold that seemed to be seeping back into her bones, making her want to turn her old icy glare back on Han. She didn't get it. She didn't understand how they could go through something so miraculous together and suddenly decide it was better the way things were before. They were parents, and Leia wanted to treasure that with Han. She wanted them to be a happy family just like she'd always dreamed of having as a small girl.

But now, there was this distance between them, an aching chasm growing as Han slowly pulled away. An irrational part of her mind had a perfectly good explanation for this, and it was beginning to itch uncomfortably in the front of Leia's mind no matter how hard she tried to shove it back. It hissed in her ear like a venomous snake. _How did you not see this coming? Before you were even pregnant, did you really think Han planned on sticking around? He told you he was leaving the first chance he had. He's sworn up and down he isn't one to make any commitments. What made you think he could change?_

But that was irrational thinking, and Leia knew it. She knew it because he'd had chance after chance to escape. He'd spent three years promising he had one foot out the door but refused to leave when she would have been perfectly fine with that. When he had almost left, packing up his things on Hoth and prepping the _Falcon_ to flee the system, the Rebellion, he'd come back for her. And when Leia had discovered her pregnancy and told Han … He'd brought her here, found them a home where they would be safe, dropped all his dreams of reconciling his past to provide for her, practically shackled himself to her, weighed down with a burden of commitments. All for her and the twins.

She knew him. She knew him, and she couldn't genuinely doubt his commitment to their family, his love for her and the twins. But that conclusion still troubled her because it meant she had no idea why this was happening. And that frustrated her even more than the irrational thought that he just didn't care.

Leia pushed the troubling thoughts to the back of her mind, returning her focus to the here and now. She filled two baby bottles with milk from a pitcher, found caps and nipples for both, and brought them with her to the living room along with a burp rag. Jacen was still lying on his stomach while Jaina had pulled herself up to sit and was anxiously patting her brother's arm as if to convince him to join her. However, Jacen was perfectly content to play with his sister from his spot below. "Hey, I brought a surprise! Who wants their milk?" She set one of the bottles right in front of Jaina and she nearly flopped onto her stomach reaching for it. With a quick hand, Leia pulled her back up, waited until she had steadied herself. Aware that there was now food being offered, Jacen was impressively quick to pull himself up, rolling from his stomach to his butt. Leia chuckled to herself, handing the second bottle to him. "Yeah, I thought that would get your attention." She added under her breath, "We'll see if you still appreciate that bottle once you try it."

After sitting down with Rewa and Himah for their input, Leia had decided it was time to start weaning the twins. Switching to bottles had been tedious enough, Leia had been bracing herself for the twins' first encounter with milk other than her own.

At first, Jaina seemed only interested in playing with her bottle, shaking it and pounding it against the floor. "No." Leia lifted her hand, raising the nipple toward her face. "You can't play with it or Mommy will hold the bottle while you eat." Again, the baby girl tried shaking it, and Leia held it firmly in place, raising it to her lips. Jaina fought every centi, but ultimately let Leia's hand guide the bottle to her mouth. Her lips sputtered and fumbled for the nubby before finding it and enthusiastically smashed it into her mouth. She sucked on it for a few seconds before yanking it from her own mouth and frowning with offense. "Ah!" she exclaimed, frowning fiercely at Leia.

"It's still milk, I promise. Just because it didn't come from Mommy doesn't make it any less edible."

Jaina looked back to the bottle in her hands before chucking it against the floor with impressive force. She fell forward, landing on her hands to stretch and reach for the bottle by its nipple. Quickly, Leia grabbed the bottle and pulled Jaina into her lap. "Nope. I told you Mommy gets to hold the bottle if you play with it." She settled the baby on her arm and fit the bottle between her lips. As though she'd already forgotten her consensus concerning the new milk, Jaina took it, then recalled the problem and cried in protest, milk dribbling down her chin. Leia sighed, pulling out the burp rag to wipe her face. "I knew you wouldn't like it. It just couldn't be easy. But you're going to get used to it because I can't feed you myself whenever you want. You have to start eating other foods and beverages." Leia rolled the nipple across Jaina's lips, but her cries only grew in their intensity and displeasure, and she shook her head in her fight. "Come on, sweetheart. It's this or nothing. I can't keep feeding you." She glances at Jacen who was staring intensely at his bottle, lips wet and smacking together. So, he'd tried it. Leia reached out her foot to tilt the bottle up, and Jacen reluctantly but willingly returned to sucking on it. She tossed her head back against the couch, thankful for that much.

The front door opened, and Leia sat up straighter, grateful to have Han to help her. "Hear that? Daddy's home! Maybe you'll eat for him!"

Han entered through the living room, walking around to drop his bags on the dining table. His load included a mall but sturdy bag they mostly used to carry groceries from town, and a much heftier one presumably for his clothes and personal supplies he'd brought with him on his trip. He was quick to shrug off his coat, drop it on the nearest chair, and join Leia in the living room, eyes focused like lasers on Jaina and Jacen.

"Look who's here!" Leia cooed cheerfully. "Who is that, huh? It's Daddy! Daddy's back!"

Han swooped Jacen from the floor, raised him above his head and grinned at the baby boy. "Hey, kiddo! Hey, Jace! How's my favorite boy? Man, you're gettin' so big!"

Leia rolled her eyes. "It's because he eats like a gamorrean."

Han chuckled, eyes never leaving the baby in his hands. "How about Jaina?"

"Stubborn as ever. She gets it from you." Leia smirked, waiting for Han to shoot back with how she was just as stubborn as he was, and Jaina was equally likely to have inherited her mother's brand of fiery will as her father's Corellian-made bullheadedness. But it never came.

Instead, Han remained immersed in his children, squeezing Jacen close while he peered into Leia's arms where Jaina had calmed just enough to fool her father into believing she had spent all day being nothing but an angel.

"You start feeding them different milk?"

Leia nodded. "Jaina isn't too fond of it. I was hoping maybe you'd use your magic charm and get her to drink it. I tried. For the last hour. Hasn't been working yet."

"Yeah, I'll try."

With a fair bit of relief, Leia relinquished their daughter to him, handing off the burp rag as well. She flopped onto the couch, settling back with Jacen to watch Han try his luck at battling wills with Jaina.

She fought for another few minutes while Han murmured quietly to her and pleaded with her, and she settled to sip at the bottle in between tears. Han sighed in relief, rocking her in his arm. "That's a girl, sweet Jainy. Man, you'd think we abuse her."

Smiling bitterly, Leia shook her head. "She sure knows how to make a show."

* * *

Considering the twins had been up most of the day, Leia was hopeful that she and Han would have an undisturbed night. Han had only been gone for a week, and Leia was overwhelmed with how much she realized she had missed him. She was content to dream of sleeping another night and just spend the rest of this one talking with him, catching up, maybe spend the night awake in each other's arms. However they ended up spending the night, Leia was grateful to have him back beside her.

She was rebraiding her hair in their refresher, undoing last night's sleep snarls and persistently tugging the greasy strands back into place. Since the twins' birth, she'd sacrificed her nightly ritual of a neat braid before bed, now tying back her hair just to keep it out of the way. She blew loose strands out of her face, stepping into her and Han's bedroom. Han was already in bed, blankets pulled up to his chest, turned over. He had one arm hidden under his pillow, the other outside of the blankets. Leia caught herself stealing a glimpse of the toned muscles in his arm, lamenting how long it had been since he'd just held her in those arms. Suddenly, staying up to make love was a much more tempting option, and Leia dropped her robe on the floor before she crawled into bed, pushing aside the covers. His shoulder made a nice pillow to rest her head on as she cuddled up behind him. "I missed you," she whispered, smiling like a giddy school girl. "I'm so glad you're home safe now."

"Mm. Me too," he murmured.

"You aren't too tired, are you? Because I don't think I'm quite ready for bed yet."

"Sorry, sweetheart. It was a long trip back."

Her shoulders sagged in disappointment, but she left the matter at that. "No talking then, either?"

Han groaned, fluffing up his pillow with a soft punch. "What do you wanna' talk about this late?"

"Well, you don't have to get cranky. I've missed you, and I thought you might want to stay up for a while since you just got back from another trip. You've been so busy, I've hardly seen you in months."

"I've only been traveling off-planet for a couple months."

"So? That isn't a long time for you?"

"Sweetheart, I've been on a lot of trips in my life."

She turned a sharp gaze on his back, both surprised and hurt. "Then, you must forgive me for missing you. I'm not as used to running away as you are." She regretted the words as soon as she spoke them, but she decided she could live with herself if it irked Han from his mood.

At least, it worked to snag his attention, and Han sat up in bed to glare at her. "Really?"

"We both know something's stinking up the room, so why don't you come out with it and tell me what's bothering you because I don't feel like keeping up charades for another week."

"Another week?"

"You've been snappy and irritated since before you left for this last run. Every time I tried to talk to you, you shot me down. So, will you talk to me, or are you sleeping on the couch tonight?"

"You want to do this now?"

"You just got home. I wasn't planning on going to bed very early."

He shook his head. "I'm just— tryna' sort things out. I feel like I've lost my place, and I'm just tryna' figure out how things go now."

"Explain. I don't get what you mean."

"I mean that I don't know how everything with the twins and us is supposed to work, and it drives me mad that there isn't a manual for it all. That's it, Leia."

"That doesn't explain why you've distanced yourself from me."

"Well, what do you want me to do, huh? Why don't you tell me, 'cause I have no kriffing clue."

"You don't know what you're doing? That's your excuse?"

"That's not what I meant, Leia—"

"You think I know what I'm doing? Han, this whole thing started as an escape! We were running from Imperials, and what felt like _maybe_ three months passed, and I was falling for you and then I was pregnant and now we're all tied together! And I have no idea what I'm doing! So, tell me again what your excuse is?"

"I'm not sayin' it's an excuse—"

"Then, what are you trying to say, Han? What is your excuse? Because I have no idea what I'm doing, but I'm still here."

"It's- it's a lot, Leia. I'm just trying to make sense of it."

"It's been six months, Han. Six months just with them here for us to see. Your children are six months old, and they cannot wait another month for you to decide if you're ready to be a father."

"It's change. When all this started happening, I wasn't ready to be a father."

"They're here, Han! They. Are. _Here."_

"I still don't know how I'm supposed to be any kid's dad or someone's partner."

"What on Coruscant makes you think I have any better idea? I don't know what I'm doing with you or how I'm supposed to raise my children, but dammit I will do everything I can for those two! And I need to know what matters to you. Where are you going, Han? Are you staying or going? Because the twins and I are a package deal; if you want me you're getting those kids, too, because I love them to death, and if you want your kids, I am going to be there because I am not going anywhere. So, I need to know now if you want to be a part of this family or not. Are you willing to stay here and figure this out with me?"

"I do."

"_Then, what's wrong?"_

"It's just that I don't know where we're at, Leia. Where are _we? _You were completely right when you said how fast things have changed. It feels like a couple days ago we were running from Hoth, then we got to Veridian, and Veridian was really nice. I liked how things were between us on Veridian. I didn't think we'd ever get there. But then time got away from us again, and now we're here. And I love this place, Leia. I love you and I love Jaina and Jacen, but I'm so lost. Ever since we got here to Casita, it's been about the twins, figuring out how to work our new lives around the twins. And I don't know where we're at anymore, Leia. I don't know if we're at the same spot we were on Veridian. And I just wanna' know we're still solid. 'Cause us together— we're the base of this family."

"Why didn't you just tell me that?"

Han blinked.

"Why couldn't you just tell me that to start off with?"

"How would you have responded? I tell you I miss our lives before the twins, what do you think?"

"I would have told you what I'm telling you now: I've been thinking about the same things."

"No, Leia. It's not just that I miss having time with just you. I mean I'm afraid of not knowing where we're at with each other to know if things are going to work out."

Leia nodded. "When I call us a family, Han, I do imagine us staying together."

"But how do we know where we're at? Are we still at Veridian status, or does having kids together automatically bump us up a level or two?"

"I think having the twins has brought us closer, but we can't be pushed somewhere we don't want to be."

"Yeah," he agreed, nodding to himself. "I'm just worried I'll lose track of where things are at, then I'll make one wrong move and lose you."

She considered that for a moment. "I would call this distancing phase of yours a pretty wrong move."

"I mean like a wrong move forward. Too fast."

"And I mean either way. You can push me pretty far, Han. I think it would surprise you how long I'd stick with you. I'm here now, aren't I?"

His gaze followed slowly down her frame, eyes clouded over in remorse. "It shouldn't surprise me." Her shoulders sagged again, this time tim relief. Instinctively, without a morsel of hesitation, she crawled back into their bed. "You throw yourself into everything you do." He reached for her, taking her into his arms, hands sloping down her curves like a sculptor taking in his fine work. Leia relished it, relished the mournful intimacy in his touch. She cradled his face between her hands, held him up as he collapsed against her. "Gods, I love you, Leia."

Leia blushed, catching herself smiling. How was it that Han still had this effect on her?

She nestled back into his embrace, forcing him to take the lead in their cuddle. His arms enveloped her small body, tugged her close, wrapped her up in a blanket of warmth merely from his body. With her head tucked tightly against his chest, she murmured, "I think we're long overdue for a date night."

"Ha! That's a little hard when we've got two little ones who still don't sleep through the night."

"We could get a babysitter. I've had several offers."

"We're damn lucky they're that cute."

Leia laughed, resting a hand against Han's chest. Right on cue, they both fell silent when infant cries came drifting from the nextdoor bedroom. They both flopped to their backs, huffing a united sigh. "I love 'em to death," Han swore, "but I wouldn't mind a night without crying and poopy diapers."

Leia got up to make her way to the nursery, retrieving her robe on her way. "I'll make a few calls tomorrow morning. Someone will take them. But we need a Mommy and Daddy night."

* * *

**AN: **Sorry not sorry for the limited Solo babies time? I was going to include some, but we have more important things to get to first ...

In the meantime, that darn empty box down there! Humor him, but he is a bottomless pit. Feed generously.


	23. Part 24

**AN: **Thought I'd try something different with the writing style for this chapter. So, yes, it's on purpose. Enjoy?

* * *

It took Leia until the day of for her to remember that she'd never away from the twins before. She'd been out to town, strolled around Reecee's street markets, gone shopping with one baby strapped to her chest and the other balanced on her hip. But the farthest trip she'd taken without the twins was to the refresher. Han had recognized the sorrowful look in her eyes as he passed her while she made up her face before their mirror. He addressed it, gently tugging on the sleeve of her robe. "You sure you want to do this tonight? It can wait."

Leia shook her head, composing and regathering herself as she finished the last touches of her makeup. Her hair was braided back in a typical Bilbringi plait, loose, curly wisps of dark hair framing her face. Past that, Han had to admit he likely wouldn't recognize Leia under the cerulean, silver-flecked scales that covered her natural peachy skin tone. Her delicate lips bled a nearly violet shade. Her shoulders, arms, and legs were all covered in more dry, coarse, blue scales, purposely dehydrated. She was to play the part of an Aquara refugee, residing quietly on Reecee away from the Empire's stronghold; her kind, just like any other non-human species, was not respected by Imperials and their laws. But for the night, the helpless refugee just wanted to enjoy a quiet night out on the town with her Twi'lek lover. Han had colored himself a gentle shade of light green to match the lekku prosthetics Dundu had helped him craft. They hung as low as his rear where they perked up just a bit. He'd reshaped his brow line to appear higher and more separated, obscuring his own identity from Leia.

Leia pulled on the corner of her lip with her front teeth, shaking her head as she pushed away from the vanity. "The longer I wait, the harder it will be. I might not ever let them go if you give me another day."

Han's smile was bittersweet, mostly understanding. "Yeah. In that case, we better get going."

She nodded her agreement, gave herself one last look in the mirror, then followed Han out to the living room. There, Isab was already on the floor, trailing a toy speeder between the twins who watched and anxiously reached out to grab it. The woman looked up at Han and Leia, ran her gaze up and down both in turn for a few long moments, then nodded once, firmly, apparently satisfied with their disguises. "Good. I can't know you!"

Leia approached her babies slowly, mindful that they wouldn't recognize their mother under all the makeup and prosthetics. When she knelt before them, she could practically feel their confusion, but then it cleared and Jaina was reaching for her. Leia's brows shot up, but she was too relieved to dwell on the miracle. "Ah!" the baby girl gasped. "Ah!" Leia echoed as she swept her daughter into her arms. "Hi, Jaina. Hello, my precious baby girl! Mommy and Daddy are going out for a little bit. We'll be back soon, but I need you to be a good girl while we're gone. Do you think you can do that? Make sure you and Jace behave for Isab? Yes? Alright, you do that for Mommy." She squeezed her close, kissed her cheek and just held her like that for a moment. Then, Han was reaching for her, demanding his turn, and Leia repeated the charade with her baby boy.

"Thank you so much, Isab," Leia was saying as Han began pulling her towards the door. "We really appreciate you doing this for us. I know two of them are a handful. If you need anything call us. There are bottles in the cooling unit. They aren't used to the pureed food yet, but Jacen is more receptive to the ganga fruit one. Jaina hates them all, but she can have—"

"Okay! Okay!" Isab swatted her hands and shooed them out the door. "You kiss night. Go way. I have babies."

Leia couldn't fit another word in before Isab had shoved her and Han both out the door. Flustered, Leia looked back to Han who seemed to share in her surprise. "We couldn't get anyone else?"

"What's wrong with Isab? She has kids of her own, too."

"Isab hardly knows any Basic."

"Then, let's hope there aren't any situations she'll have to describe when we get back."

* * *

Arm in arm, they ventured down a more crowded street closer to Reecee's cities. Rather than bustling with markets and anxious shoppers and squealing children, this one was considerably more relaxed, occupied with spots for fine dining and retail stores and a class of people who worked more "modest" jobs. Even this area hosted a sample of the planet's diversity, and Leia and Han— in their Aquara and Twi'lek guises— fit well among the rest of Reecee's citizens. The small Inner Rim planet held a discreet reputation for its diversity, known for their welcoming attitude towards aliens and almost every non-human species. For many Inner Rim dwellers, Reecee was a sacred haven among the Core's Imperial stronghold. The same Imperial laws were in place but greatly reduced in severity under the leadership of older politicians who had likely been colleagues of Leia's father's before the fall of the Republic. Due to its unique culture among the iron thrones of Imperial Moffs, the Rebel Alliance had been in debate longer than Leia could remember over starting a greater movement on the planet. The benefits were apparent, but another more pacifist half of the Rebellion feared for Reecee's safety and vulnerability. Leia herself still struggled with the argument, often finding herself lying in the middle of the debate rather than one side or the other. For now, all she knew was that it was safe enough for her and her family.

It was early in the dark evening, many streets like this one now playing host to young lovers and couples looking for a night to escape their worries— much like Han and Leia. Han guided her through the crowds, brought her to a small restaurant hidden by an alley with bright yellow lights hanging in the windows. They took two menus to a booth in the back, sipped on Avishan's finest wines in tall, clear glasses, and laughed over how long it had been since either of them had done something so normal.

"This isn't as good as Alderaan's," Leia lamented, shaking her head over her glass. "But no system has figured out Alderaan's secret to our wine."

Han asked her about her childhood, asked what the city was like where she had grown up, what her favorite places had been, what she missed the most. He was surprised she didn't fight the nostalgia trip, but she quirked a brow, lips pursed— Han tried to recall how many refills of the sweet pink wine she'd had so far— and demanded he answer any questions she had about his childhood if he was going to 'interrogate' her on hers, as she put it. With a genuine, amused laugh, Han nodded, and took a long sip of his own drink.

She talked about Aldera, the capital where her family's palace home had been located. She divulged the Organa family's greatest secret to him— their vacation home in the mountains. She described ever detail from the artisans who filled the streets of Aldera to the histories behind each of the most important holidays. Once or twice, she would forget a detail, forget the word to something or where something had been, and Han would see the tears glimmering just behind her eyes. Then, she would recall, exhale in great relief, and repeat the insignificant thing to herself three times, four times, then laugh as she cursed herself for ever forgetting. Han ached at the thought that there very likely would be a day she did start to forget and wouldn't ever remember.

But neither were in the spirits to dwell on such mournful things, and Leia ended her vibrant description of her childhood with a story about her and her best friend when they were young, and snorted when Han asked what Leia thought the girl, Winter, would think about him.

Han took his turn, swallowing another glass as he began to recall the boisterous streets of Coronet City. His earliest, most solid memories were from the months following the fall of the Republic and the Empire's rise. He recalled the chaos that filled Corellia's streets, the violent protests and fighting that had resulted in so much death. He remembered being alone then, mastering his skills at stealing from stores and cutting open pockets to collect change. He knew Leia would be overwhelmed with sympathy if he continued on this track for much longer, so he told her everything he remembered about the streets, how not all of it was so bad, and how he remembered seeing so many people standing together for good, brave people filling Corellia's streets and yelling for their freedom. He recalled the unity it brought to Corellia and his people, and how it had secretly made him happy to feel that again when he'd first been introduced to the Rebellion.

He tried to stop there, tried to avoid continuing on as the story would lead to his kidnapping as a young child by a pirate named Shrike. But Leia insisted, biting back an innocent laugh as she showed him a pouty smile. So, Han went on, and he told her things he was afraid of telling her, and Leia listened until she could tell it was getting hard for him. She apologized, and Han insisted she needn't; he'd never talked to anyone save Chewie about these things, and it was a relief. But he didn't say anything more, and Leia didn't ask him to. All she said was, "Is it wrong that I'm kind of glad you ended up where you did because it shaped who you are and eventually brought you to me?"

Han considered for a moment. He understood what she meant. He realized that if Alderaan were still in space, she would have been out of his life before he knew how much he needed her. But he looked at her with as much seriousness as he could muster and said, "Yeah."

She could see through him, and she giggled. "But I'm serious. We went through hell and back just to meet, but you're worth every scar."

"No, I'm not."

"Would you say I am?"

"Leia, you've been through all nine Corellian hells. I've only been through one."

"That's bantha fodder and you know it. Anyway, it doesn't matter. We're here now."

Their booth was in a dark corner of the restaurant, and Han was tempted to take her there, but he gathered enough wits to swallow hard and raise his hand for the bill.

He took her to a holofilm, bought two tickets for the back row and made sure they were the reclining ones without the armrests. Leia's blue scaly cheeks flushed silver and Han grinned.

The film was in Aqualish which Leia seemed to understand, but Han couldn't make out a word, so he interpreted the body language of the lovers on screen and wrapped an arm around Leia's shoulders at just the right moment.

When the credits started rolling up the screen, they stretched, and Leia wiped at her eyes as they headed out. "You like the movie?" he asked.

"I liked everything about this night."

"I did too. We might have to do it again sometime."

"Sometime. We'll see how tonight went and if we'll be able to get a babysitter again."

"Leia, they're six months old. How terrible could they have been in just a few hours?"

"I don't think they'd be terrible, but they can be a handful."

"That's just 'cause they don't know how to sass back yet.

"I think the twins are close to saying their first words."

"Yeah? What do you think they'll say?"

"Jaina keeps making that 'm' sound, and I'm trying to get her to say 'mama'."

"What about Daddy?"

"Probably not for a while."

"Why not? Why can't they say 'daddy' just as soon as you get them calling you 'mama'?"

"I don't mean that I'm discouraging it. It's just logistics. It's harder for babies to pronounce that sound this early. Whereas 'mama' is likely to come more naturally."

"Naturally, you do all the hard work and you get your benefits, I s'pose."

Leia grinned. "Naturally." She pursed her lips. "We could try to get them to say 'papa'?"

Han frowned. "Nah, I don't want them to call me that."

"Specifically 'daddy'?"

"Papa makes me sound old."

"Oh, come on! I called Bail 'papa'"

"Exactly! He was old enough to be your grandfather!"

Leia rolled her eyes, shoving him across the sidewalk.

Han asked her, "What else should we teach them to say first?"

"Yes and no are pretty important."

"Mm, not 'no'. We'll wait to teach 'em 'no' until they're… five."

"That has to be some form of child abuse or neglect."

"What could they possibly need the word 'no' for until, like, age five?"

"What about teaching them personal space and consent?"

"... Damn. Okay, new plan. So, we teach them 'no' and then 'mama'."

"Hey, now!"

Well and ready to return home to their children, Han and Leia made their way back to the village. All was quiet in the middle of the night, one of the few visible lights coming from their home. Leia smiled involuntarily, the pace of her footsteps suddenly increasing. "Alright, calm down, Princess. We don't want to wake up the twins." He may as well have whispered the warning to himself as Leia excitedly continued on, at the door while he was still a few paces away. Han smiled, though, because he knew the feeling; he was just as anxious to see Jaina and Jacen as Leia was. He followed her inside, but the second they opened the door, they were greeted by the sound of infant wails and screaming. At once, Han found himself on alert, and he saw the same adrenaline rush hit Leia. Before he could say anything, Leia was hurrying to their living room. First, Han saw Isab. The woman was beside the couch, crouched low and near the furniture as if for safety. She held onto the arm for balance, her free hand fiercely clutching a hefty tool; she pointed it at the center of the room. In the center of the room sat the twins, both Jaina and Jacen's faces red and wet with tears. They sat side-by-side, surrounded by datapads and holo chips and jagged, sharp pieces of broken pottery. From what Han could tell in a quick glance, neither of the twins were hurt. He cursed himself for pausing, but Leia was already stepping around the shards, reaching her arms out to the twins and cooing to them anxiously. Han figured she had the children taken care of, and he whirled to face Isab. Her pupils were dilated to an alarming size, shadowing her bright eyes, and she chattered incoherently in her native tongue— vulgar, harsh sounds that reminded Han of the high-pitched war cry of Yavin monkeys. As Leia scooped Jaina and Jacen into her arms, Isab raised her tool and jutted it forward, body violently tremorring. Han was quick to seize the weapon in one hand, restraining Isab with the other. But the woman was strong, and her muscles went rigid as she fought back. She made no action to harm Han, but fought his grasp, jumping and flailing as she screamed. "Wachawi!" she gasped. "Wachawi! Kukimbia!" Han tugged on the took in her hand and she willingly gave it up, sagging out of his good, then gathering herself up and hurrying to the door. A small jar sat on a table near the door, and Isab grabbed it, smashed it against the ground, crying, "Wachawi!" before practically falling through the door and scrambling out.

Han watched the door, considered following Isab for a moment before he turned back to Leia. She was balancing both fearful twins on her hips, soothing their cries and gently bouncing them. Han asked her, "Are they okay?"

"Maybe a scratch or two, but they aren't bleeding that I can see." Her voice shook just the slightest bit, and Han decided he needed to stay with her, help her settle herself and calm the twins. Then, they could figure out what the hell they'd just walked into.

He grabbed her two bottles of milk from the cooling unit, then took out a pan to scrape up the shards on the floor. By the time he'd cleaned up the broken pottery, Leia had gotten the twins to calm enough that their wet faces were now focused on bottles. They sat on the floor across the living room between Leia's legs, hiccuping between sips from their milk. They seemed to gravitate towards Leia, lean on her comfort, and she provided, stroking their cheeks, brushing back their curls, and murmuring comforts to them in baby talk.

Han sighed in relief. "I think it's time for bed."

Leia nodded and picked up Jacen as she rose. "You two aren't ever staying up this late again."

Han took Jaina who raised her little hands out to him, and he followed Leia to the nursery. They settled quickly, hardly putting up a fight as their parents laid them in their crib. The couple stumbled on tired feet to their own bed, keeping both the twins' and their door cracked open generously.

"Kriff." Han fell heavily into bed beside Leia, wiping at his eyes. "What the kriffing hell just—"

Leia frowned, disappointed that she had no answer. "We'll talk to Isab in the morning."

"Woulda' been nice to talk to her now."

Leia didn't respond to that.

"She was pointing weapons at our kids!"

"It was not a weapon."

"Fine. A sharp, pointy, metal object."

"Look, Han, I'm just as frightened as you are, but it's Isab! There has to be some reasonable explanation for this."

"Hm, yes. A reasonable explanation for her to be pointing a sharp, pointy, metal object at our children."

"Han, I'm tired. We'll figure this out tomorrow, okay?"

Han nodded, forcing himself to take an even breath. Before lying down, he checked on Jaina and Jacen in their crib once more, made sure they were sleeping peacefully, and pulled the crib just a bit closer to his and Leia's bed.

* * *

**AN: **If you would like a clue, I'm willing to give you this much. Try a Swahili translator.


	24. Part 25

**AN:** _Voila!_ Something! Please enjoy.

* * *

Apparently, Jaina was no longer distraught enough to accept her new milk bottles without a fight. Though Han and Leia were only beginning their investigation, neither of the twins was showing any signs of trauma which the parents couldn't be more thankful for. Things were normal in the Organa-Solo household which almost bothered Han and Leia as they began their quest for an answer to the previous night's chaos. Without much more of a lead to follow, they went about their day like any other, taking Jaina and Jacen with them to community compound for the morning's chores.

Reecee's warmer season was coming to a close and the land was losing its fertility and the fish were swimming to warmer waters. As Leia had learned in the previous year, that meant the village would come to rely more on the nomadic game that wandered through the forests as well as trade with townspeople. That meant there was plenty of work to be done in the commune where much of the work on their exports was based.

By the time Han and Leia got there, the compound was already buzzing with activity and conversation among the adults, excited chattering and laughing among the children. Many of the younger children still held a fascination for little Jaina and Jacen, and they gathered at Han and Leia's legs as they entered. Now simply accustomed to their adoration and curiosity, Han playfully swept them back as he took one great step forward. "Alright, you guys know the protocol. I want a single line, straight and narrow!" The children laughed, but took their hint and gave the parents their space. At the feeling of a twinge of anxiety that had less to do with the herd of children and more to do with the compound's general excitement, Leia clutched Jacen closer to her chest. She didn't want to admit it, could hardly admit it to herself, but the previous night's muddled chaos had startled her. She didn't want to jump to accusing Isab of anything, but there had to be a cause and a reason for whatever had happened last night. But that was just it— Leia had no idea what had happened. All she had known upon stepping inside her home was the terrified looks on her babies' faces and the tear tracks running down their cheeks. As though she were afraid they would suddenly burst into such terrible cries again— though, she supposed she was— Leia craned her neck to check on Jacen, but the baby boy was content to rest his sleepy head on Mommy's chest. She took a mental breath of relief, patting his back as though to reassure the babe rather than herself.

"Hey," Nakia greeted as Han and Leia settled down to join their usual group. "How are you two?" Her greeting smile was more of a cautious grimace, eyes wide and acknowledging. "How was last night?"

Leia blinked. "Last night?"

Without looking up from her work, Himah told her and Han, "Isab never came in this morning. She's still at home with her kids."

Leia leaned forward, her curiosity peaking. "Did she say anything to any of you?"

The women traded a long look before Nakia turned back to Han and Leia. "First, you're going to tell us what happened last night that sent her into a frenzy."

"Bloah! We don't know! We came home to her pointing a vibroblade at the children. We tried talking to her, but we couldn't get a word of Basic out of her. What are we supposed to gather from that? Tell us. What did she say to you guys?"

Rewa shrugged. "Not a word of Basic. And nothing that made any sense."

Nakia shrugged. "I know her dialect just well enough to grasp basic sentences, but nothing she was saying made any sense."

"But you got something out of it," Han pressed.

The woman sighed. "She apologizes for her absence this morning, but she is concerned for her children's safety and her own. She said that she saw your children become possessed by evil spirits, and she did what she could to protect them and herself, but failed in banishing the evil spirits from your home."

Leia had been exposed to enough diverse cultures and faiths to reserve her judgments, and she only felt more confused than frustrated with this explanation. Even Alderaanian mountainous tribes had practiced dozens of variations on the concept of spirits and the living unliving. What bothered Leia, however, was that Isab must have seen something to make such a claim or be so put off; she didn't take Isab for the joking type, and there had to be a reason behind this.

"Well, that's pretty articulate for a rusty translation."

Nakia rolled her eyes. "Look, I wasn't there. I don't know what Isab really saw, but I would talk to her if I were you, assure her that the twins are fine."

"Of course. We'll let her know her concern was appreciated." Leia shot her gaze to Han, but he already had two hands up in surrender. "First thing after our work today."

* * *

Han had never thought he would ever be chosen to play the part of diplomat in any scenario, but Leia had insisted he be the one to check up on Isab— without the twins— and assure her that the babies were acting quite healthy and normal. From what he understood of the younger woman's frantic tirade in her native tongue, she was not yet prepared to take Han's words at face value and offered the credentials of several holy shamans from another village. Exhausted, with more than a bit of worry still eating at him, Han had returned home to collapse on the couch while Leia finished putting the twins down to sleep.

"We need another date night," he grumbled, an arm thrown across his eyes as he rolled over.

Leia poked him on the shoulder. "We just had a date night yesterday. We have twins, Han; we can't be too demanding of our willing babysitters." When he didn't get up, Leia poked him again, this time in the side. He swatted at her hand, and she responded with another poke. "Get up, flyboy. If you don't come to bed, you're sleeping out here by yourself."

He grunted, awkwardly flipping back up and struggling to his feet.

As she turned to head to their bedroom, Leia glanced over her shoulder at Han who was slow to follow. "Ooh, you better be careful there, dear. Don't you think you're a bit young to be getting so old already?"

"Hey! I'm up, I'm comin', Your Highnessness."

Leia turned back to face him, a mischievous grin playing on her bright lips. "Hurry up. We went to bed way too early last night, and we didn't get to finish date night."

"Coming!"

* * *

Long after clothes were discarded and the couple decided they'd reached the perfect end to their date night, Leia lay in Han's arms, hair strewn around her where she rested her head on his chest. She kept a hand pressed over his heart, listening and feeling for its strong and steady beat as its pace returned to normal. "How did your conversation with Isab go?"

"About as well as it sounded like Nakia's did."

"Mm," Leia grimaced. "So, I guess she's never babysitting again, is she?"

"I don't know what she really saw, but whatever happened scared the living daylights outta' her. Whatever it was, she's sold on this spooky ghosts idea."

Still, without any better a clue or answer, Leia merely shrugged. "We'll just give it time. It'll pass."

"You believe that?"

Leia smirked. "We know the twins aren't always perfect angels, and we still love them to death."

"True."

"I think we just need to let it go. Leave Isab to sort it out for herself. Jaina and Jacen seem to be fine."

"Yeah. Not gonna' lie, this whole thing's had me more worried about them than Isab."

"Me too. It scares me to think that maybe something did happen to them and we weren't there. What happened, what we would have done, gods know, but …" She sighed. "They're okay. They're perfectly healthy."

Han couldn't even bring himself to nod. He would agree as Jaina and Jacen both were quite healthy and had not acquired any odd behaviors, but something about the previous night felt off. No one had a clue what had happened, but something about it refused to leave Han alone, and he got the feeling that Leia was experiencing something similar.

Han would be home for a few more weeks before his next pickup and delivery off-planet was scheduled. Leia was immensely grateful for the time to have with him as well as his help in caring for Jaina and Jacen. He was gone less often than it seemed to Leia as his days far from home passed like weeks and weeks like months … But they had plenty of time to spend together as a family before he would have to be heading off again.

They spent most of the weekend in their home, hiding away from the rest of the village, soaking up every second of family time they could. Both of the twins seemed to be so close to speaking their first words that it was nearly torturous as the parents tried to coax them into saying 'mama' or 'papa'. As if just to taunt them further, Jaina made even more of her moaning sounds, clapping and grinning at Leia. They made a trip to the town market, Han and Leia dressed in another pair of disguises, this time as humans but with enough prosthetic latex and makeup to not invite questions. They kept the twins in a sling Leia wore, and they smiled and thanked all the passing gazers who complimented their gorgeous children.

"Can you imagine if they knew whose kids they were complimenting?" Han chuckled quietly in Leia's ear. She nearly shivered at the thought, responding, "I'd rather not think about that."

Following that thought, they were quick to finish their business in town, picking up fruits and vegetables to prepare for the twins, and headed straight home.

Leia put one of the more orange vegetables they'd bought into a small bowl and went to beating it into a puree. Han sat in the living room with the twins, playing with them, pushing toys into their laps and providing gleeful demonstrations. Leia smiled as she watched, head tilted in fond adoration. She stirred a mini spoon through the bowl, poured half its contents into a second bowl, and called for Han. "I hate to interrupt playtime, but dinner's ready."

Han strapped both twins into their highchairs, pulled their bibs over their heads, and took one of Leia's bowls from her. They didn't pick a baby to feed or recall which one they'd had the previous day, but simply took the nearest one without a thought and sat down before them. Leia ended up with Jaina who tended to be more vocal about her dislike of any food other than the one that came straight from Mommy. Leia had a feeling the solid, sweet cereal bits she and Han had found would be much more to Jaina's liking, but she preferred the baby get used to swallowing thicker foods before she choked on something more solid. She stirred the orange mush in the bowl, spooned out a small amount, and didn't let Jaina look too long before raising it to her mouth. She didn't force the spoon in, but introduced it to her lips, gently moving it along her pucker. "Mommy and Daddy found a new horrible vegetable to torture you with," she cooed to Han's amusement. "You probably won't like this one either, but it's healthy, and you need more vitamins." Finally, she prodded Jaina's lips open and teased the spoon's way in. Jaina began to fuss, her lips first puckering further in refusal. When Leia didn't surrender, she shook her head, one hand coming up to bat the offending utensil away. "Uh-uh. This is dinner. This is what you're eating tonight." Jaina's response was a half-grunt, half-cry, and Leia backed away, giving her a moment to recollect. She glanced to her side to see how Han was faring against Jacen, but their baby boy didn't seem to mind the new food as Han raised a spoonful to his lips and he reluctantly accepted. Leia returned her spoon to Jaina's lips, finally getting it in this time. Jaina took it only to immediately spit it back out. "I know it's gross, Jaya, but you need to eat. Unfortunately, this is what's for dinner." She used the spoon to wipe the orange mush off Jaina's chin and scooped it back directly into her mouth. Jaina seemed to swallow on accident and cried in frustration. But it was a success in Leia's book. Meanwhile, Han and Jacen were on their second spoon, but Leia tried to ignore that. Surely, Han would make this into a competition, and Leia was bent on getting Jaina to accept the spoon. "Mmm, yummy, Jaina. It's so yummy."

Jaina, however, was not in the mood for this game, and she slammed her tray with two hands. Quickly, Leia took the bowl out of reach. Jaina screeched, and Leia could have rolled her eyes. "We have to _eat_ food. We don't play with it." Mother and daughter battled wills for several minutes longer before Han left the dining room to bathe Jacen. Han called for Leia from the bathroom, asking for a towel and the new soap they'd bought from the market just for the babies. Leia pointed her spoon at Jaina, an authoritative warning. "I'll be back for you," she promised before hurrying to help Han. But before she left, she set Jaina's bowl on the kitchen counter, far from the baby's reach.

She kept an ear open to listen to Jaina while she scoured through the groceries she and Han had left in the entryway. The new shampoo bottle was a small, pale pink container that had its own unique smell that could only be described as 'baby'. She found that and a small towel from the closet before running them to Han. When she got back, Jaina was right where she'd left her, now apparently patient as she waved her arms and looked up at Leia. However, the bowl of orange mush was no longer on the counter, but instead spilled over on the floor closer to the table. Leia sighed, bending to pick up the bowl. She held it up for Jaina to see and frowned.

"Oh!" Jaina cooed in her baby voice.

"Yeah, 'oh'. This must be your lucky day." She set the dirty bowl on Jaina's tray, half hoping that maybe Jaina would start licking out of it if she just let her have it for herself. She took a rag from the sink and got to cleaning up the sticky mess on the floor. Jaina threw her bowl off her chair. Leia set it back in front of her. Jaina threw it again. Patiently, Leia set it back. She threw it again, but when Leia was finished cleaning up the mess, there were at least splotches of the puree on Jaina's face and a dribble on the corner of her mouth. Leia called it another success.

Besides bathing Jaina, Leia decided she wasn't in the mood to clean any more messes, so she set Jaina's bowl on the table out of reach. "Of course, now you want it," she chastised her daughter in good humor. "But you don't plan on putting it in your mouth, do you?"

"Hey, Leia!" Han called once again from the refresher. "Is Jaina about ready for a bath?"

Bless Han if he still had enough patience in the day to do a second bath.

She stared down Jaina tiredly and called back, "She's all yours!"

Han returned from the refresher with a clean and wet Jacen who shivered in his towel. The father presented his child like a newborn heir, raising the baby boy before him high above the floor. "It took some secret magic, but the process was a success. I present to you … a clean baby."

Leia smiled, reaching to take their boy from Han's hands. "If getting Jacen clean took magic, Jaina may require some mystic Dathomirian sorcery."

Han surveyed his challenge for a long moment, then shrugged. "Challenge accepted. I specialize in the troublemakers."

"I'm glad one of us still has the patience for it."

Smirking, Han bent to leave a kiss atop Leia's head. "She'll get used to it. We already know Jaina likes to make it hard on us, but she picks stuff up quickly."

"I'm not frustrated with her," Leia tried to assure him. "I'm just— running low on patience for the day. I knew Jaina wasn't going to like it when I started weaning her."

"It's just 'cause she likes you so much." Leia smiled.

She dried off Jacen in the towel which was far too large for him, and she dressed him in a onesie with long sleeves for bedtime. Leia brought him with her to check on Han's progress with Jaina in the tub, and she found a quite clean child lying in the small basin Han had bought for the twins. He was teasing her with half of a soap bar, circling it over her head, then tapping her on the belly button or nose with it. Each time the slippery bar touched down, the infant would blink, both confused and surprised, reaching out to find the mysterious object and take it into her own hands.

It took a moment for Han to notice Leia had entered the refresher behind him, and he turned to grin up at her. "What do you think, Mommy? Does she look clean?"

"She looks like she could slip on carpet." Then to Jaina, carefully bending with Jacen still in her arms, she tickled her baby girl under her chin, and cooed, "Daddy did a good job, didn't he?"

To Jaina's disappointment, bathtime was now over, and Han set the soap bar in a little dish high out of her reach. But it was still in her sight, and Jaina's gaze was intense as it stuck on the soap bar and she calculated a plan to get it back.

"Bedtime?" Han asked.

Leia heartily agreed, "Bedtime. Then, Mommy and Daddy can have some quiet time together."

A light thud startled the two parents from even beginning to daydream what might happen once they put the babies to bed, and their heads snapped around to look for what may have fallen. Nothing appeared to have fallen, but before either Han or Leia could question then what the sound had been, the soap bar caught their eyes as it slowly began to levitate from its dish and struggle in midair.

If she were honest, Leia felt a twinge of familiarity before the logical part of her mind snapped into action and she realized that something was clearly wrong. On par with her instincts, she hugged Jacen closer to herself, taking a step back just as Han swept out an arm to keep her back. In the same instant, they both saw Jaina, her face red and eyes glazed over in concentration and effort as her stare seemed to follow the object. Just as soon as the soap bar had risen above the dish, however, it awkwardly tottered a centi or two to the side before suddenly breaking free of an invisible grip and splashed into the tub of water. Jaina blinked and her face cleared for a moment before she erupted into tears.

"Han …" It was the only sound Leia could make as the whole 'fresher seemed to burst into chaos. Jaina and Jacen were both crying, red faces dripping tears, screaming not in discontent but fear. Han didn't seem to have any words either, and was occupying himself with trying to retrieve the bar of soap from the bath, muttering curses under his breath each time the bar slipped between his hands. When he finally got it, he set it carefully in its dish, reaching to grab Jaina and quickly take her out of the bath. She was still screaming, something like fear written on her face. Han forgot the towel for her, clutching the dripping baby to himself. He held her close, cradled her head against his chest as though he was protecting her from something.

Perhaps, it was because now they both understood. After seeing _that— _no other possibility dared cross their minds. While it seemed so wrong, made no sense, it wasn't so new to them. In fact, they were both quite used to seeing displays of such alien power like that. From their friend Luke.

Shaking off her raw confusion, Leia quickly turned to follow Han to the nursery. The father moved about the room, grabbing clothes for the still screaming babe, his footsteps heavy and uneven. He fumbled through drawers, tossed aside diapers and blankets in his search for who even knew what. "Han," Leia spoke gently. She set Jacen down in his crib, whispered a comforting 'goodnight', and eased han away from the dresser. In seconds, she found a suitable onesie for Jaina to wear to bed and gently pulled her flailing arms and legs into the piece of clothing. Still screaming, Leia picked her back up, cradled Jaina's head to her chest. "It's okay, Jaya; it's okay. Mama's here. Mama's got you." She began rocking from foot to foot, a steady and gentle rhythm as she paced the nursery room. She kissed her child on her temple, wiping at the baby's tears with her thumb. She sang her a lullaby, two, three, never faltered in her comforting whispers until Jaina's cries turned to hiccups, then to soft, tired moans. Rather than setting her down in the crib with Jacen, she glanced at Han, flicked her gaze to Jacen and nodded once, and brought Jaina to the crib in her and Han's room. Han settled Jacen across the mattress from his sister. They were both calm now, no evidence of their previous fright upon their restful forms.

Leia pulled the crib closer to her side of the bed, reached in to caress her daughter's cheek. Han clambered into bed beside her, releasing a tired sigh. He was shocked, Leia understood, and likely nothing more. He was startled by what they had just witnessed, but a new fear was sewn deep into Leia's consciousness, something she knew would now keep her up at night. Han was coping with shock, turning the possibilities in his head as he automatically related this scenario to the only other thing either of them could compare it to: Luke. The Force. Jedi Luke and his mystic powers which were beyond either Han or Leia's understanding. All either of them knew was that he could use it to lift things without his hands, or find people without looking, or tell whether Leia had had a good day or bad without reading her face. Such a foreign concept it was, something so beyond them that they could never have seen it as potentially being part of their lives. To Han, he was just grasping onto a strange reality, considering the odds that one of his kids could end up with the same supernatural powers as his best friend Luke.

But before she could even wholly grasp the concept of one of her children having the same powers as her friend Luke did, reality hit her first, a nightmare she couldn't shake. "This isn't good," she muttered, a deep sadness and fear accompanying her words. "This isn't good, Han. What are we going to do?"

"Do—? Heck! How should I know? You think it was Luke's Force or whatever?"

"What else could it have been?"

He dragged a hand down his face, taking his time to search for words. "Fierfek, Leia. I can't believe— I don't even know. I don't get Luke's Force stuff or how it all works, but how does our kid end up with that stuff? _Our_ kid?"

Leia didn't have an answer to that, though she could hardly think past her fear to even consider the odds that one of their children had the same supernatural abilities as one of their closest friends. In retrospect, she supposed her first thoughts should have gone back to Luke; he was the only living Jedi they knew— the only person they knew who had the Force, for that matter. Instead, her thoughts were stuck on old memories of her private lessons with tutors when she was just a young girl on Alderaan. Her education growing up had been nothing if not unique— even among the education her peers in the political sphere would have been given. She'd learned all the usual things, but her father had seen to it that her education— well, that it wouldn't pass the Empire's learning standards. Her political and diplomatic lessons had included examples of dead nobles and politicians from across the galaxy whose ideas had opposed those of the Empire's. Her self-defense training had included tactics taught by a mysterious man who had seemed to _want_ Leia to know that he had been a Jedi— before he'd been killed. Even her history lessons had been what the Empire would call "tainted" (what an ironic statement that was!) with tales of the Old Republic and its heroes who were then no more than myth.

The Jedi. The Empire's— no, the Emperor's greatest enemy. Up to the galaxy's introduction to Luke Skywalker, it had been believed that they were all dead. Slaughtered, her father had told her in an embittered tone with glassy eyes, in a galaxy-wide massacre ordered by the Emperor himself. Order 66 had been its designation, Leia recalled, and it had commanded the death of all Jedi. From the ancient and wise masters of the Force to the most innocent younglings. The Emperor and Darth Vader cared for neither. Luke could have missed the main reactor when flashing through the Death Star and he would still be the Empire's most wanted criminal. He could still be a dreaming moisture farmer stuck on Tatooine and Empire would have its strongest fleets seeking out the harmless boy.

And while Order 66 had been given and carried out years ago, numerous massacres had broken out across the galaxy upon countless rumors of sentient beings who possessed the abilities of the Force. Some maybe had. Most, it had always seemed, hadn't.

The Force was supposed to be a myth. Supposed to have died out, be nothing more than a legend old grandparents told their grandchildren in hushed whispers in the dead of night by soft candlelight. The Force was a threat to the Empire, Darth Vader, Emperor Palpatine, to their chokehold on the galaxy's neck. Even sweet Luke. Sweet Luke who Leia struggled to imagine swatting a Meelan fly dead.

"Han," Leia's voice trembled, only betraying an ounce of the quaking fear she felt. She peered into the twins' crib, saw that Jaina's eyes had closed and she was already falling deep into sleep. She stroked her rosy cheek, savoring the touch of her baby's soft face. "They'd kill her. If anyone found out."

Han didn't respond for a moment, and Leia was so immersed in the sight of her daughter that she didn't look back for his response. "Sweetheart, no one here is gonna' hurt her. Rewa and Nakia and all of them love the twins! No one's gonna' turn their backs on us just 'cause one of our kids has the Force."

"I don't think they would betray us either, but, Han, if this gets out—!"

"Why would it?"

"What if something like this happens again? How do we explain this when it happens in town? Just because Reecee is partial to the Rebellion doesn't mean everyone on Reecee is. What if a holorecorder catches something—?"

"Leia, you're going down quite a slippery slope. What are the odds—?"

Leia raised a brow. "Don't tell me the odds."

Han froze, caught off-guard, then slumped. "Alright. So, we don't take Jaina out into town."

"That's it? Han, the Empire sends troops out _looking _for Force-sensitives. If the wrong person saw—" Leia broke herself off, sudden understanding hitting her. "Isab saw. Jaina must have had an episode like this when Isab was babysitting. That's what Isab saw!"

That seemed to put Han on the same page as her, and Leia was only slightly relieved when she saw the same horror she felt come to reflect in his eyes. "She's done it more than once," he echoed; Leia would have found his blatant expression of dumbfoundedness amusing if the circumstances were any different. But the circumstances were what they were, and Leia felt little to no amusement regarding Han's slack-jawed expression— only disheartenment and cold fear.

From Han's lips fell a soft-spoken, "Kriff," and Leia's resolve crumbled and blew away like Tatooine sand.


	25. Part 26

The previous day had been fairly stress-free aside from her anxious anticipation, but she'd gotten plenty of sleep the night before and enjoyed a relaxing day with the twins, playing with the eight-month-olds, cheering them as they crawled across the living room and raced each other for their mother's arms. She'd gotten all the chores done in a timely manner, laid the twins down to bed on time, and cleaned up the living room and kitchen. But she still had fallen asleep despite all her best efforts— granted she'd been up well past midnight.

But she hadn't caught herself dozing off. Hence, her alarm when she woke up the next morning with Han gazing upon her. The last remnants of slumber and drowsiness left her immediately, and she sat upright, reaching for Han's face. "You're back!" She practically tackled him, falling on top of him and pinning him to the couch. Hungrily, Leia dove straight in to meet his mouth, desperate to reacquaint herself with the taste of his lips. He offered no resistance, and Leia's heart rate increased just at the touch of his hand on her waist.

Reluctantly, she broke the contact to demand, "When did you get home? Why didn't you wake me? I was going to wait up for you—"

"Exactly why I didn't wake you," Han grinned, moving his hand from her waist to her hip. "Plus, you look really cute when you're sleeping. I just wanted to watch."

Leia couldn't find it in herself to be mad at him, but she tried for a frown though she knew she was grinning, and jabbed him in the shoulder. "I made dinner for us! I cleaned up the living room so we could eat out here."

"I saw, sweetheart. It looked really nice. Especially the candles."

She shoved him back against the couch, meeting him for another long and greedy kiss. It _fulfilled_ her, acknowledged a deep and desperate desire when Han pulled her closer until their bodies were practically one. She moaned, hardly caring that that had to be record timing for Han. She was only aware of him, of the subtle movements of his muscles, the steady and sure thump of his heart against his chest, against hers. And the sensations he made her feel— the delightful thrill that ran up her spine at his mere touch—

Together, they tumbled off the side of the couch, laughing and panting, their breaths intermingling. Han ended up on top of her, staring down into her charged gaze. "Wanna' take this to our room?"

In an answer enough, Leia tugged at his jacket and ripped the buttons open. "Coward," she spat. "I'll have you right here."

* * *

While she recovered, Han was leaving a trail of soft kiss wherever he could reach. The feather caress trailed from the corners of her mouth to her shoulders, down her arms to her fingertips, then back up. She took his arm, held onto his bicep, breathless. "This is a dirty game you play, Solo. Deprive me for weeks, then expect to get your way when you finally come home."

Ignoring her humor, Han told her, "You let me know when you've had enough."

Shaking her head, too wasted to laugh, she gently pushed him aside. "I still wish you had woken me up."

"Nah. You would've been too tired to do _that._" Han leaned in for one last kiss. "How are Jaina and Jacen?"

Leia smiled. "They love crawling; it's getting harder to keep up with them. Jaina actually likes the pureed foods now. And Jacen— I think he's starting to look a lot like you."

Han squinted. "Is that a good thing or bad?"

"Great. He's as handsome as Daddy."

Han turned onto his side, propped himself up on an elbow. "I missed 'em, Leia. I missed 'em so much."

"They missed you, too. I think they like your baths a lot more."

Han's gaze fell from hers, wandered across the bed sheets, roving his own hands before he looked back up to her. "Has Jacen— has he— done the thing again?"

Since the incident in the bath involving a levitating bar of soap, Jaina had displayed two more acts of telekinesis before Han had left for his trip. The second had consisted of a flying bowl of food puffs and a lingering uncertainty of who the perpetrator had been— the first time they'd questioned whether Jacen had the same capability for the Force as Jaina seemed to possess.

With an honest impression of remorse, Leia nodded. "He sent a datapad out the window— almost broke it. It's been growing more frequent since they both started teething."

"I, uh, got some of those toy rings you mentioned. Hopefully, those will help."

"I couldn't find anything to let them chew on. Jaina bit through her pacifier, so, I just started letting them have my finger."

"What about their bottles? Still biting on the nipples?"

"I started them on the sippy cups. Jaina wasn't pleased."

Han chuckled despite himself. "You know, potty training her isn't going to be easy."

"She's so stubborn! She gets it from you."

"No, Princess. She's got your brand of bullheadedness."

She shook her head. "We don't have time for that argument. Tell me, how was your trip?"

"Long. Lonely."

"Besides that."

Leia wasn't sure what to expect when Han's initial response was a tired sigh. He moved to sit, pulling her up with him. "People are talking— about Reecee. The governor is under suspicion of Rebel sympathizing. Rumor's that the Empire is preparing for an investigation and sending troops."

"Sending troops," Leia echoed as she tried to understand until the meaning dawned on her. "Becuase law enforcement isn't up to their standards. Reecee is too much of a refuge."

Helplessly, Han shrugged. "They don't have the time or resources to maintain an overbearing presence on Reecee; they've got their hands tied up in the Expansion Region. Sounds like the Rebel Alliance blew up a critical base near Gyndine."

For a brief moment, Leia felt an odd twinge at hearing basic news of the Alliance's moves. It felt so strange not to have known about it, to not know what the plan of attack had been, how many ships and fighter squadrons it had taken, how many soldiers they'd lost. Yet, what Leia did feel was a bit of pride at knowing the project she'd given her head and heart to for so many years was still thriving and proving a pain for the Empire.

She shook her head, refocusing. She asked Han, "What finally tipped the Empire off about Reecee?"

"If I had to guess, I'd bet on the Aqualish rights bill the governor signed last month."

"_Kriff."_ Leia had been meaning to keep up with the news better, but raising twins was counterproductive to any other goal she might have in mind. Of course, she'd heard about the passed bill, but she hadn't had much time to consider how that would affect Reecee— and the likelihood that it would attract the Empire's eyes and ears. "Great. So, now, Reecee's on the Empire's radar."

"Yup."

She didn't see the need to add aloud how much that added to her worry over keeping the twins safe; she could practically sense the same cycle of thoughts turning through Han's head.

"You know, that doesn't mean they know we're here. They aren't looking for us."

"Yet."

"Leia …"

"Han, how long could it possibly take them to find Casita? An entire village of Rebel sympathizers—"

"But there's no physical proof to be found that they're Rebel sympathizers."

"Until the Empire tugs it out of them that they helped shelter one of the Empire's second greatest bounty and the captain of the ship that helped destroy the Death Star. Oh! _And_ two Force-sensitive children!"

"If a squad of troopers happened to walk through Casita, they would just see a rundown village full of harmless people who have no weapons. Nothing worth their time."

"The Empire doesn't care if the person at the end of their barrel is helpless or not. They took a planet full of helpless people and didn't hesitate to kill them all."

That last remark jumped from her tongue sharp and steel-pointed. Leia hadn't anticipated the words, but she'd said them, and now her heart throbbed with a soreness that would take a while to fade. Han knew her. He knew her scars. He was smart enough to know this was a good time to back off. Still, Han blinked in surprise. His lips seemed to be fumbling for a response, moving in silence, and Leia held no regrets. What she said was true, and she'd learned that the hard way.

After a moment, Han finally spoke. "You're right," he responded. "I'm sorry. But you gotta' know I won't let anything happen to you or the twins."

"How can you help it?"

"I'm not letting anything happen to you or our kids."

"Han—"

He cut her off with just a look, bright eyes catching hers, mouth open and ready to protest. Leia closed her own, rolling her lips between her teeth. She was entangled in his gaze, in the assurance, the _vow_ written in his light, hazel gaze. He took her hand, a soft and tender gesture until he squeezed it quite firmly. "I'm making you a promise. No one's laying a finger on the three of you."

His promise filled her with resolve, and she felt her own hope brighten just a bit. "I can protect myself," she corrected. "Thought you learned that when we first met." Han's chin fell with silent chuckles. Leia returned the squeeze on Han's hand, her voice softening as she added, "It's Jaina and Jacen I'm worried about."

"Well, sweetheart, they're gonna' have to get through us."

* * *

"Hoan Lago was raised on Destrillion in the late days of the Old Republic. Before the rise of the Empire, he frequented Tatooine and Ryloth in anti-slavery mission trips. Once Palpatine declared himself Emperor, he moved to Coruscant to study law and politics. Twelve years later, he's elected governor of Reecee and is currently serving his third term." Dundu raised a miniature holo of Hoan Lago for the assembled group to see, taking a brief walk around the circle. "Never once in his campaign before becoming elected did he portray any anti-Imperialist ideals; most citizens would say he won the world's favor with his genuineness and empathy. But just as soon as he got voted into office, he supported non-humans rights and criticized the use of Wookiee labor and slavery on nearby Batorine. He's had a profound impact on Reecee and its surrounding systems."

Gathered around a low caf table in the middle of Dundu and Nakia's living room was about half the population of Casita. Minus any children, Rewa, Han, Leia, Himah, a dozen other families, and the hosts themselves had congregated in the small space to discuss what news Han had just related to Leia that morning. Dundu as well as a few others had returned with Han after catching whiffs of similar rumors. Not long after the estranged families had had their reunions, a meeting had been arranged, and the mood of the village shifted dramatically.

"Alright," Nakia rolled her eyes after a long moment of uneasy silence, propping one elbow in her hand. "I'll ask the obvious. If even the sigh of Lago's face screams 'rebel', why has the Empire never looked twice at Reecee before?"

"Same reason as why the Rebel Alliance hasn't," Leia answered. "Reecee doesn't offer anything of enough significance to warrant their attention yet. Reecee is in the middle of a cluster; it wouldn't make for a good base or a checkpoint to pass supplies through."

"Besides that," Han added, "It makes the Empire look good. People know you can have a decent life here. Reece doesn't have enough influence in the Inner Rim let alone the Empire to prove an issue. The population is too small, not well-known enough. So long as the Moffs in the sector check up on it every now and then, it's not an issue. All it has to do is paint a pretty picture for the Empire that doesn't waver too much against their ideals."

Himah raised a brow. "And, I suppose, the governor has passed that safety line, hasn't he?"

Dundu looked between Himah and the other frightened expressions he found staring back at him in queasy anticipation. "He's certainly pressing his luck."

"I don't see what the problem is!" another voice sounded from the outer edge of the group. Han recognized the voice as belonging to Tala Thif, a widowed wife and mother just younger than Rewa. "Our families have lived here for over twenty years since the Empire came into being. They have never touched us or threatened us. No one is threatening us now!"

"No one is threatening _us,"_ Dundu agree. "But the back alleys of the galaxy talk more than the open cities do, and a few bounties are coming out for Lago."

"The Empire doesn't employ bounty hunters."

Han countered, "But you can influence anyone if you have enough credits. My entire smuggling career before I joined the Alliance, I never claimed a side. I just took whatever offer had the highest price on it. I can bet you these guys aren't thinking of anything more. Hell, I bet not even half of 'em know that Lago is a politician."

"And once they get rid of Lago, the Empire will make certain someone more to their liking takes his seat."

* * *

Three assasination attempts later, someone finally had a success. Moff Garo Shif of Commenor was named governor of Reecee, and some Imperial committee had gone to great lengths to prepare a congratulatory parade in his honor. The streets of Reece were hesitant, abnormally quiet for days on end until the festivities were over and Moff Shif cleared the palette.

The newest Aqualish rights bill was undone, a woeful governor not quite apologizing due to that concern that he wasn't sure the compromises had fit with Imperial standards. The planet's shipping partners changed literally overnight, and Leia and Han both suspected Reecee's former trade partners had been Rebel sympathizers if not Rebels. A ten-year correctional plan between Reecee and Batorine was suddenly abandoned just as a new education standard was being written up by Coruscant's top professors— professors who had been gifted their degrees shortly after the rise of the Empire … A legion of stormtroopers landed on Reecee within the week, stationed across the planet's small cities and market squares, standing guard on each block with blasters strapped across their bodies.

And Reecee rioted.

Protests flared across the main city as thousands of citizens demanded they be given an election to vote for their own governor. Protests became riots and riots became war as thousands more joined the call for justice. Battles broke out across business streets, mobs of outraged and fearful citizens screaming for peace to be returned to their innocent home. Hundreds of protestors were arrested, dozens slain quietly until found in dark alleys and low valleys the next morning.

Yet, despite the river of blood spilling out on Reecee's streets, part of Leia wished her lost home had taken a stand like this. But she also knew that it was only a matter of time before these people paid dearly for their actions. It cost to have faith, to hope and dream.

Another Imperial legion arrived on Reecee.

The villagers of Casita could only watch so long before they gathered again. This time, Han and Leia hosted, inviting nearly twice the amount of people who had occupied Nakia and Dundu's home weeks ago.

"Let's cut straight to the matter. The Empire's got its eye on Reecee. This isn't the haven it used to be."

"And what are we supposed to do about that?"

Leia, holding baby Jaina up to her shoulder, was the one to answer. "The way I see it, everyone here has two choices: we can run, or we can fight. It depends on what matters most to you. If you don't mind finding a new home, now might be a good time to run. Otherwise, if you really struggle with the idea of leaving your home here the only option you have left is to raise arms."

The room erupted with arguments and protests, and Dundu gave them a moment before his voice boomed over the disgruntled crowd. "Leia is right. Reecee was our haven, but war doesn't stop until it's taken all it can. Finally, the war has come for our home."

With her gaze far and away, Himah murmured, "We're Bimmisaari."

"What?"

Leia explained. "The Rebel Alliance tried years ago to recruit Bimmisaari to join their efforts, but they refused, insisted on staying neutral. Their ruling body hadn't yet been overtaken by the Empire, so they didn't see the civil war as their problem; they thought they were safe so long as they didn't pick a side or defy the Empire. They were wrong. We waited too long. Now, the Empire is our problem."

"So, what do we do?"

"It's just as Leia said," Nakia spoke. "We can either run or fight. Either way won't be easy, but those are the only options left to us. We cannot hide. The Empire is right outside our hiding spot."

"We have children to protect! Our husbands have jobs to run! How are we supposed to fight?"

Another voice objected, "Who said we're fighting?"

The crowd broke out into murmurs and bickering again. Jaina began to fuss, and Leia hushed her, gently rocking her and rubbing her back. At her side, she could practically feel Han boiling with impatience. Perhaps, he had gotten too used to the discipline of the Rebels.

Yet another villager was quick to respond, harshly, "No one has to fight if they don't want to. Go ahead! There's the door."

"Listen!" Nakia finally snapped. "If you want to keep your home, we're down to one option. There's no reason to fight over it. You either stand or leave. But Reecee can't wait. Casita can't wait. It's time we choose our side and take a stand. There is no other way to protect our families and homes."

"Whatever happened to running?"

"We can run all we want, but running won't stop the Empire. They'll just keep chasing us until they catch up to us. And I don't want to sit and wait around for that day to come."

The next objection came from a bold voice near the center of the assembled group, a worn and tired face of a young woman. "What difference would it make if we did fight. Nevermind bothering to consider how we would even fight. But we're a village. We're housewives with families to care for."

Nakia smiled gently at the weary woman. "You're right. We are nothing against a legion of stormtroopers. Wouldn't it be great if we could match them? No, we can't do that. But Reecee needs hope, and I think we can give them that." She turned on her heel to face Han and Leia, her expression full of confidence and faith. "I vote that we do fight. That we train ourselves so that we can protect our families and our home. And I think that we should take the proactive while we're at it. I propose we start our own resistance cell."

No murmurs, but silence. Absolute silence while everyone registered that suggestion for a moment, two, three. Then, a snort. "Yes, because that sounds like a good way to protect our children."

"No, think about it! Our husbands are already smugglers— that's half the job done! I'm talking about finally claiming a side, helping out the good guys, undermining the Empire's plans here. We can trade with others for supplies, weapons, maybe even refuge or protection. The only new thing I'm suggesting is that we take responsibility for our actions and let the Empire know we won't take this lying down. I'm talking about organizing ourselves, putting up a united front."

Another moment of silence while several expressions were exchanged across the room. Anger and horror were no surprise on several faces, but Leia was shocked to make out something brighter than mere resolve on over half the assembly. Something that the Basic language had never named. But Rewa was the one to first verbalize it. "I agree." A few looks of disgust flashed her way, but the woman stood her ground, joining Nakia in the center of the crowd. "Nakia is right; we already have half the background we need to run an operation like that. We're a community of smugglers, and we know how to sneak our way around. We just need to make allies and establish goals. Then, the Empire has another enemy to tie their hands."

The proud beam on Nakia's face reminded Leia of a giddy child, that twinkle of passion and thrill in her wild look. Then, the woman turned to her, straightening to stand tall. "Well?"

A bit of dread sunk into Leia's awareness, but she feigned ignorance. "Why are you looking at me?"

Nakia pointed between her and Han. "I'm looking at both of you. The two of you came straight from the Rebellion. You both know what resistance cells look like from the inside. You know how to command people, organize strategies, and put plans into action. You make natural leaders among our group."

Leia couldn't get herself to say 'no', and she despised herself for it, but she and Han had not yet come to a decision on whether they would be staying in Casita or looking for new refuge. Hugging Jaina closer to her shoulder, Leia turned to look at Han. He was already waiting for her, and Leia could read the fear in his gaze. She swallowed.

"You said it yourself," Nakia continued. "If you aren't fighting, then you'll just find yourself running for a long time. If you stay, at least you'll have a steady home for the twins."

* * *

"I don't like that she has a point."

"You don't have to like it. But we might have to admit she's right."

"I never gave her permission to make a point by using my own words against me."

Han and Leia stood behind their home, sharing a couple glasses of wine as they watched Reecee's sun and moon tag off and trade places in the twinkling night sky.

Han gave her a sidelong glance, a gentle smirk on his lips. "Tough luck, sweetheart. That's what you get for making a good argument."

She sighed, dropping her glass from where she'd had it raised to her chin to dangle it by her waist. "I thought we came here to escape the fight. We came here to try and have half a normal life, to have the twins and keep them out of the mess. And, you want to hear the truth? I want to just run again. I want to hide the twins in my arms and just run again until we're all safe, but I don't know that there's a safe spot left in the galaxy."

"Probably not for us. Sweetheart, last I checked, you're number two on the Empire's most wanted list, right after Luke."

Leia closed her eyes against the night, released a soft sigh that belied the fear and frustration and grief that was all locked up in her chest. "We should be away from all this. In a field of flowers. On Alderaan." She felt Han leave a kiss atop her head. She leaned into him. "It was foolish of me to think we could escape this."

"Not foolish," Han insisted. "Hopeful. And I love that about you."

"We are out of places to run to. We no longer have a choice."

"Hey, it's gonna' work out, Princess. What did I tell you earlier? No one's getting to the twins. No one's getting through us. Or me."

"Be careful, Han. Promises like that are dangerous."

"Hey, who would I be if I always lived on the safe side of things?"

Leia shook her head, fighting her amusement. "We have to fight. To protect Jaina and Jacen. Casita is our last hope, and we can't lose it."

"We won't. Remember my promise? This is our home, and we'll keep it safe."

"I've had enough of promises, Han. I don't want to think about any of it anymore tonight. I just want to spend the night with you."

"I want to make one more promise to you."

Leia smirked, shaking her head. "No, Han. no more promises."

"One more promise."

She refused to meet his gaze. "Han, no. No more promises."

"You won't even hear me out?"

"Han, we owe it to each other. To just— live. To just survive, just be there for Jaina and Jacen."

"One more promise."

Not quite irritated, but still somewhat amused, Leia finally looked at him as she objected, "Han—"

"Marry me."


End file.
